fall recruitment can’t get here fast enough! many potential new members want tips on how to handle sorority rush… follow these sorority sugar A to Z tips for being an ideal PNM from head to toe ~ inside and out!! 

✿ BE……

Amazing: have amazing conversation skills and amazing enthusiasm. 
Brilliant: post a strongGPA, academic awards and leadership experience.
Charming:  be sweet, positive and easy to talk to. the best PNM compliments the sisters, remembers names and takes a genuine interest in everyone.
Dazzling: glow from within, look sisters in the eye, and know when to shine. a dazzling smile goes a long way towards winning hearts. 
Energetic: the best PNM is upbeat and enthusiastic no matter how hot it is, how far she’s walked, or how long the rounds are. exceptional enthusiasm is a must. 
Fabulous: wear fab fashions, make fab small talk, have a fab personality. be fantastic in every way.
Gracious: say please and thank you, show appreciation and be polite to everyone involved. a kind and giving PNM wins a bid. 
Happy: despite the rejections, despite the awkward conversations, despite the gossip and the sore feet, the best PNM remains cheerful and bubbly during every round. 
Immaculate:be well-groomed from head to toe ~ clean, shiny, manicured natural, appropriate, sharp and well presented.
Judgmental: evaluating and judging (in a good way) which chapter is the best fit is an important part of recruitment. the best PNM makes sound judgements based on her head and her heart.
Kind: showing kindness to fellow PNMs is the sign of a mature and self confident girl. there’s no place for back stabbing or trash talking during rush.
Listener: a good listener learns about each chapter, instead of being blindly swept away by all the glitz and glamour of recruitment. chapters will share what they’re “really” like ~ PNMs have to listen. 
Motivated: be active, not passive. be confident, not reluctant. be motivated to take on chapter leadership and excel at greek life. 
Noteworthy: have interesting and memorable experiences to share. the best PNM stands out in the crowd because of her travels, volunteering and interesting stories. be memorable.  
Openminded: being open to unexpected results is one of the #1 traits to have during sorority rush. put aside all preconceived notions and accept that things rarely go as planned.
Polished: a prepared PNM presents a polished package inside and out. her application is in order, recommendation letters received, her clothes are spotless and she is pulled together in every way. 
Quizzical: inquiring minds want to know about each chapter and what they stand for. ask appropriate, not annoying questions. show curiosity about greek life and express a keen interest in joining it.  
Realistic: unrealistic expectations can break a girl’s heart. the best PNM tempers her dreams with a realistic view of recruitment.   
Sweet: genuine sweetness is sooo attractive, along with being stylish, spectacular and stupendous. 
Talkative: chat, chat chat! rush is all about small talk and never running out of things to say.
Unique: the best PNM spotlights her one-of-a-kind talents and special experiences to the chapters during rush. 
Volunteer: giving back and doing good is a big part of greek life. a passion for philanthropy and fundraising is a must. be a vivacious volunteer!
Wise: the wise PNM knows when to commit and when to step away. it may take more than one try to find a sorority home. be smart about committing to a sorority for life. 
Xoxo: ’share the love’ during recruitment and don’t be afraid to display your affection. hugs and kisses are waiting for PNMs on bid day.
Yummy: be the PNM who’s sweet enough to eat! yummy looking and yummy acting.
Zestful: express a zest for sorority life, a zest for university pride and a zest for living! carpe diem! 

✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿

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Q: I really want to rush for sororities next fall but I’m worried about a few things: Is it possible to not get a bid? One of the schools I’m thinking of transferring to has a lot of students but only 3 sororities so I’m afraid I won’t get a bid. For the GPA, I know they have different requirements for each house but what if I don’t make the GPA cut? Who lives in the houses? Like is it only seniors or..? 

A: let me try to answer all your questions! 

• yes ~ it’s possible to go through rush and not get a bid! some girls go through recruitment 2 or 3 times. to improve your chances, project your personality, be friendly & talkative and have all of your requirements in place. 

• the size of greek life on campus is relative. it’s usually more difficult to join at a college with a mega sorority system, than one with just 3 chapters. it all depends on supply and demand!

• most chapters are quite strict about the minimum GPA. there is a minimum of 2.5 across the panhellenic. many chapters raise it to 3.0 as part of their PNM screening process. sororities are very serious about their academic achievement level. this is one thing that is pretty “set” when it comes to recruitment. 

• who lives in the sorority house varies from school to school. sometimes the younger girls live in the house, and the upperclassmen live together off campus in apartments. if space is limited, sometimes just the exec board lives in the house. it totally depends on where you pledge. 

give recruitment a try next fall ~ i know you’ll love it! GO GREEK! xoxo ;)

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being in a sorority takes a lot of time and effort, not to mention all the other responsibilities of being an active college student! is it possible to be a chapter leader, maintain your GPA, have outside interests, attend mandatory events, keep fit, work an internship, have a boyfriend, and a dozen other responsibilities? expert time management is the only way to make it work……. 

1. keep a time diary: record all your activities for 1 week and see where your time goes! you will discover exactly how much time you spend drinking coffee, talking with friends or watching tv. take note of your unproductive periods and decide how you can tighten them up or multitask.

2. make a daily schedule: any activity that’s important to you should have a time assigned to it. this would include things like classes, meals, exercise, chapter meetings, volunteering, personal hygiene and social time. determine what are your top priorities.

3. keep an agenda: lilly pulitzer makes it so stylish to stay organized! use your agenda to schedule appointments, write to-do lists and stay on track every day. each event should have start and end time. this will keep you from wasting time between classes or after sorority meetings.

4. rate your agenda: once you plan your daily tasks, rate them A-B-C in priority, with A items being highest. for example: taking a midterm exam = A. crafting for your little = B. shopping for new shoes = C.

5. start the day off right: take the first 15 minutes of every day to plan your day ahead. don’t step out the door until you complete your plan. this is the most important part of daily time management.

6. just say no to social media: when you need to study or work on your sorority project, you absolutely must put up the “do not disturb” sign on your phone and computer. valuable time is wasted when you interrupt your productive session by answering texts or tweeting about last night’s mixer. block out your tech noise and you will see much better results.

7. organize your space: an efficient workplace is a must. use your desk and keep it well stocked. studying on the bed, in the coffee shop, in the park, are all fine once in a while, but for managing your time to the max, you need a designated work area.

8. set short term and long term goals: write down your goals for the week, the month, the semester, even the year. refer to this master list periodically and see how you are progressing. re-adjust as things develop. use this tool to keep you on track over the long haul.

9. don’t procrastinate: putting things off until the last minute is a killer. it elevates your stress levels and makes you feel overwhelmed. don’t cram for tests or stay up all night crafting name tags. it’s not worth the anxiety.

10. learn to say “no”: achievers always get asked to do more. when the chapter realizes you are a productive member, they will ask you to take on more responsibility. there may come a time when you need to say “no”. do this politely, with a promise to help again in the future when your schedule allows. if you don’t pace yourself, you will burnout and start feeling very resentful. learn when to say yes and no during your 4 years in college.

11. be flexible when needed: the unexpected happens. car trouble, sickness, family emergencies, etc. you need to fit these things into your schedule, and not get upset by the change in your routine. don’t become a slave to your agenda! remember, you manage it, it doesn’t manage you.

12. write a mission statement: what’s most important to you? create your own personal mission statement. when you establish your personal and academic/career goals, you will see if your activities are helping you reach those long-term dreams. maybe the sorority task you have been grumbling about, is actually giving you valuable experience in public relations ~ your future career field. defining your mission will help you see through the haze of your busy life, and clarify what’s most valuable.

13. be positive: having a positive attitude is everything. a happy heart goes a long way to balancing the demands on your time. be a glass-half-full kind of girl. it will aid you in accomplishing all of your priorities.

14. important vs urgent: learn the difference between the important and the urgent. what’s important is not always urgent. what’s urgent is not always important.

15. worst first: all things being equal, do the hardest, least fun thing first. just get it over with!

16. set a time for communication: check your emails or voicemails at a set time every day. don’t get lost in your messages and loose valuable time. same goes for facebook, tumblr, pinterest, etc. set a time to check your social media, read your favorite blog, post some photos, but don’t get swallowed up in it and loose hours and hours of your day.

17. value your time: sisters who wander into your room and chat when you must study for a final, are not respecting your time. you must set boundaries. when you value your own time, then others will too. 

18. leadership time management: busy girls are usually the ones who are also the chapter officers. to manage this you must learn to delegate! don’t be the sorority martyr and do everything yourself. it never works, it kills your spirit and it doesn’t engage your fellow members in the project. leading means sharing the load and managing others ~ not carrying all of formal rush, or the annual gala, on your back! delegate. delegate.

19. be early: don’t be afraid to finish a project early! it takes that task off your list and calms your nerves. try being early to meetings and events too. constantly running late, rushing, loosing things, and stressing is exhausting and depressing. try a new early bird lifestyle and you will be amazed at how much better you feel!

20. focus your excellence: it’s better to excel at a few things, than be average at many. cherry pick your involvements and be the best at what you do. you can’t belong to every club on campus, have a double major, be chapter president, work a part time job, see a steady boyfriend, volunteer at three different charities and expect to do everything to the best of your abilities. choose a few things that make you shine. reward yourself when you accomplish your goals. treat yourself to a new bracelet or new perfume when you achieve what you set out to achieve. give yourself a much deserved pat on the back!

✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿

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whether you are a new spring pledge, or a long time sister, dealing with your sorority sisters is one of the biggest challenges of being a greek!  so many problems can be avoided if you can practice just a few of these sorority sister anti-drama tips: 

1. choose your friends wisely

even though you will get to know and love all the sisters in your chapter, you will naturally be closer to some than others. pick your big, little, roommate and pledge class friends with care. it becomes clear very quickly which girls thrive on conflict, and which members have a level head.

2. cut back on the booze

probably 90% of emotional outbursts, tears, name-calling and ruination of relationships is fueled by overindulging in alcohol. inhibitions are lowered and drinking causes girls to do and say things they would never do sober. Less drinking = less drama!

3. hands off the boyfriends

keep clear of any sister’s current boyfriend, ex boyfriend, guy she’s interested in, or guy she’s even looked at. don’t flirt with the wrong guys at mixers, and don’t hook up with any male persons who are attached to your sorority sisters. period. find your own fraternity crushes.  

4. keep busy, busy, busy

drama often comes from having too much time on your hands. an idle mind can blow things out of proportion and make a minor situation seem like the end of the world. stay busy with activities, academics, philanthropy, leadership and healthy relationships. you won’t have time to get involved in overemotional scenes. 

5. get a thicker skin

whether you are the diva, or the one on the receiving end of a sister’s outburst, you need to toughen up! not everything is a criticism, or a stab in the back, or the ruination of a relationship. let things roll off your back. don’t be the one to find fault with every girl, or the one who has hurt feelings over everything. quickly let go of grudges too. consider sorority life as training for the real world.

6. be known as the calm one

if you establish a reputation of being a clear thinking, loyal, steady sister who does not engage in petty theatrics, then those who do, will not engage you. it’s no fun to involve a sister who calmly refuses to get all excited over the latest personal problem.

7. just say no to gossip.

gossip is the #1 killer in a sorority. don’t do it, don’t listen to it and don’t believe it. re-read your sorority creed instead, and remind yourself why you joined greek life. without being the sorority “goodie-goodie” try to promote anti-gossiping within your chapter. or politely walk away if a juicy gossip session is happening near you.

8. spread the love

replace the drama in your chapter with more positive experiences. if there was more love, respect, appreciation, kindness, and tolerance ~ the damaging drama would immediately plummet! recommend that your chapter increase the frequency of its traditions, rituals and bonding activities. sisters who feel the warmth of friendship are less likely to bicker. 

9. don’t worry ~ be happy

happy sisters are contented sisters. is your chapter doing enough to just be happy? sometimes sororities get so bogged down with meetings, requirements, fundraising, deadlines and recruitment pressures that they forget to just relax and have fun. step up the fun-factor!

10. deal with the drama

this is especially true for sisters on the executive board, who experience extra sisterhood conflicts. as a chapter leader, you may need to listen to member’s complaints and problems, but you don’t need to be eaten alive by them! remain calm at all times and don’t become emotionally invested in other’s issues. recommend positive solutions with the aid of your advisors and fellow board members. don’t shoulder the emotional burdens of the entire chapter alone. seek help, deflect the drama and thoughtfully solve problems ~ before they grow out of control and do more damage.

✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰

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Q: I feel that my sorority is offering me nothing. During recruitment and afterwards, all of the older girls said I was one of the girls everyone wanted and I thought my sorority would be so much more. But, I’ve never felt like I belonged like I did during rush week. My big never hangs out with me, and I have like no friends in the sorority. I really don’t want to stay, but girls I have talked to about it said it gets better with time. I don’t know what to do. 

A: “When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.” ~ Donald Miller 

not every day can be bid day. eventually, the reality of everyday life reaches even the most enthusiastic new member. the spotlight shone on you during rush, and now it has dimmed. that doesn’t mean that your sorority is lacking, or your sisters have suddenly turned into unfriendly shrews. you loved them when you joined! do you think that after the thrill of your wedding day wears off, you will look at your husband and be disgruntled and disappointed? i hope not!

before you throw in the towel ask yourself these questions ~ 

• what other excellent social and friendship opportunities do i have on  campus?
• what have i done to connect with new & different sisters?
• what generous things have i done for my big lately?
• how many PNMs have i reached out to?
• what project have i dedicated myself to that gives me personal satisfaction?
• how have i given back to my sorority?
• what steps have i taken to acquire a little?
• how have i gotten involved in the panhellenic council or greek life?
• why don’t i become a big or little sister for a fraternity brother? 
• what unique talents have i shared with the chapter, like my singing, crafting, design ability, computer skills, or fundraising talents, etc?
• what would i gain by quitting?
• would i be a better person inside or outside my sorority?
• if there anything important i can learn from sorority life?
• am i responsible for my own sorority happiness?

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Q: I need some advice. I joined a wonderful sorority in Fall 2011 as a freshman. However, lately I feel like I do not belong in my house. It started out amazing and I was making wonderful bonds with quite a few sisters, but now I feel like an outsider. There is so much drama in our house, and I feel pressured to pick one side or the other and I don’t want to pick sides. I just don’t know how to make it feel like Its worth it and i belong again, especially since my Little had to leave school and she was really the one girl keeping me in the house. 

A: the road through sorority life is never smooth. sisters come and go, friends argue, and chapters disappoint. but you made a commitment to a bigger cause. your own goals, behavior and sorority success has less to do with the action of others, and more to do with what YOU can give to your chapter. what are YOU doing to maximize your sorority experience and make your sisterhood better? you need to rise above the drama, and make sure you stay the course for your own personal goals. 

please read 5 of my favorite quotes that relate to dealing with sorority conflict ~  

❥ ”There’s a difference between interest and commitment. When you’re interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you’re committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results.” ~ Art Turock

❥ ”I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can’t find them, make them.” ~ George Bernard Shaw

❥ “Whatever I have tried to do in life, I have tried with all my heart to do it well; whatever I have devoted myself to, I have devoted myself completely; in great aims and in small I have always thoroughly been in earnest.”  ~ Charles Dickens

❥ ”We must all wage an intense, lifelong battle against the constant downward pull. If we relax, the bugs and weeds of negativity will move into the garden and take away everything of value.” ~ Jim Rohn

❥ ”Happiness does not come from doing easy work but from the afterglow of satisfaction that comes after the achievement of a difficult task that demanded our best.” ~ Theodore I. Rubin

❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥

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Q: Recently a blog came out ranking the greek system at my old school. It’s really disheartening to see that even though we preach all of this PHC unity, many people still participate in this practice of voting on whose in what “tier” of the greek community. What is your opinion on sites like this, and the practice of ranking in general? Also, what do you think members of the “bottom tier” sororities and fraternities should do to handle this situation?

A: as you can probably guess, i am not a big fan of ranking and tiers! what’s the point? if you attend the college you will learn the personality of each chapter and decide for yourself. you don’t need a website to tell you who’s who. if you don’t attend the college, what’s the point? if you look at rankings and then go through recruitment, you may not get bids from any of the so called “top houses” ~ then what? what real value do published rankings have to PNMs or active greeks? 

that leads me to think they are just there for some greeks to feel superior to others. i know “life is high school” and the in & out social ranking never ends, but it’s usually not published all over the internet! to be realistic, there will always be more popular chapters, wild chapters, beautiful chapters, silly chapters, quiet chapters, nerdy chapters, etc. so what’s new?

i see it as real life. there is a place for every type of greek ~ thank god. my advice is to not pay any attention to the ranking and tiers. what are you going to do about it anyway? gloat and look down your nose at others? or hang your head and feel bad that a blog ranked you at the bottom? they can’t possibly judge on any meaningful criteria. all chapters should stay true to themselves and their creed.

the only good thing i can see about recognizing tiers is ~ if it motivates a low performing chapter to get kicked into gear and make themselves better. i don’t mean change their personality, but do better in grades, activities, or recruiting. if they truly need to improve for the good of their own organization, maybe they will be motivated to take action. but that’s a small positive in an otherwise negative system of ranking. xoxo ;)

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• sorority 101

congrats ~ you’ve just been elected chapter president or a member of the executive board. now what? how do you launch your important position, and make your time in office be the most effective? 

☺ top 10 tips for successful sorority leadership: ☺

• transition: make sure you transition with the sister who held your position before you. a face to face meeting is needed to go over your job description, review what worked & didn’t work and to talk about your position. an email or text just doesn’t cut it. ideally you should speak in person. 

• notebook study: make sure you get all the relevant binders, notes and paperwork relavant to your office. take time to study up on all the material. by reviewing what’s happened in the past, you will learn so much about what you should and shouldn’t do during your term. do not consider those notebooks as irrelevant history! they are your guidebooks to the future. 

• never speak negatively of your predecessor:  even if the girl before you totally bombed at her job, or the event she planned was a total failure, don’t bad-mouth past performance. always thank the sister who served before you. when you propose changes and improvements, make sure it is building on what the previous girl did, not replacing it. present your new ideas in a way that is not a slap in the face to any of your sisters. 

• be diplomatic: when presenting your new goals, do not steamroll over everybody else. learn how to smoothly get the exec board and the chapter to buy into your vision. this happens when you are patient, positive, part salesman and part best friend. learn to woo your sisters by speaking their language. be politely persuasive ~ not a bull in a china shop.

• miss manners: as a top leader, it’s up to you to set the tone. always consider the opinions of others, say thank you, don’t hog all the credit, know everyone’s name, write notes, communicate with the chapter, solicite input, listen to advice, delegate-delegate, be on time, be organized, go the extra mile, lead by example, and keep an even temperament. you are the face of the chapter. make sure it’s a positive one. 

• no martyrdom! have faith in your team. if you think your board or your chapter are a bunch of incompetents, it will show! you must believe they can do it and allow them to shine. you should be motivating the group to greatness. your job is not to do everything yourself and become a martyr. this is a common leadership pitfall ~ the “if you want something done right, do it yourself” syndrome. you will end up exhausted, resentful and an ineffective officer. help others help you!

• lead by example: the opposite of the martyr is the leader who does nothing! the girl who doesn’t lift a finger, but bosses everyone else around. this behavior gains no respect from your sisters and generates a lot of resentment. you should be in the trenches working just as hard on bid day or the sisterhood retreat. you were not elected queen. work in a team with your sisters and they will work hard for you.

• be a greek ambassador: as the president, or top board member, you are the #1 representatives of your chapter. make a point to establish good relations with the other sororities in your Panhellenic, the fraternities on campus and the university community at large. don’t cancel events at the last minute, never gossip about other greeks, and hold up your end of all greek partnerships. your chapter’s reputation is riding on your actions. 

• involve your alums & advisors: be respectful of those who have gone before you. don’t dismiss advise from your elders. instead, take advantage of their wisdom and experience. honor your older sisters and make sure they are treated with love and attention throughout the year. 

• make your mark! you want to plan at least one unique accomplishment during your term. revamp the way your chapter meetings are run, launch a new fundraiser, establish a new volunteer activity, implement new recruitment ideas, raise the chapter GPA, host the best semi-formal ever, etc… see what areas could use a little ‘sprucing up’ and gracefully plan your steps to improve them. “making a difference” will help your sisterhood and give you great satisfaction too!

☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺

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Q: i joined my sorority at my first school because i was not feeling connected to my school at all. i began to feel like i accepted the wrong bid (one of two) for the wrong reasons (my best friend from high school was already in) and i was not really all that involved. i then transferred schools, somewhere smaller. when i got there i found out that my sorority was colonizing at my new school. in the year since we have received our charter i am not connecting with any of the girls chosen to be founding sisters. most of whom do not know i was already a member. 

i do not know why i am having such trouble connecting with my sorority or greek life in general. i was wondering if you had some advice about home to make that connection, because i do not in any way regret joining my organization. i do love everything it stands for and i am somewhat close to sisters from other chapters i have randomly met. i just want to feel that way about my chapter. 

A: one word ~ NEW. i think your sorority experiences so far have been short lived, off and on, new school, new colony, new friends, etc.. you have not had a chance for real deep bonds and memories to develop.  would you expect a new boyfriend to be an quick and instant connection? no ~ it takes TIME to build strong, lasting relationships that go beyond the superficial. it also takes some extra effort on your part.

you say you love your sorority and there are amazing girls in your organization. now you just need to make it work with your chapter. see if any of these ideas sound good to you ~ 

• take a leadership position and work hard to make your chapter the best that it can be. if you are feeling disconnected, maybe other girls are too. since your charter is so new, there must be growing pains that you can help fix. propose some new traditions that will help your sisters come together. 

• get connected by recruiting excellent PNMs to your chapter. become the #1 ambassador for your sorority. you may not be super close with your active sisters, but you can get moving on some new sisters that you will love love love!

• become a big sister and pour all your sorority love onto your new little. try bonding with one sister at a time, don’t try to embrace the entire chapter as your best friend. take it one sister at a time. 

• forge the bonds of friendship and sisterhood by doing everything your sorority offers. make sure you volunteer for every event, attend every meeting, socialize, pitch in, give gifts, craft, help other sisters, etc… by doing all you can to be there, (even when you don’t feel like it), you will absolutely make more close friends. be part of the solution, not an inactive sister! 

• discover your specialty. is your favorite thing fundraising? planning parties? reading books to kinds? find your area of interest, then focus on it specifically. you will be happier when you are doing what you like to do best. spend a little extra sorority time on the projects and events that speak to you. the work will be effortless and your talents will be put to good use. 

• you get what you give. give 100% for the next year and see what happens. if you become the #1 sister in your chapter in every way possible, i dare you to not feel fulfilled, happy, satisfied and well loved. a positive, happy attitude is contagious and your sisters will respond to it. 

xoxo ;) 

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• panhellenic
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• sorority 101

from the sorority sugar fan mail: 

I was wondering if you could repost this? It’s something I came across and I think it is important for every girl to read because it goes against all of the negativity that comes from people outside of Greek life. Thanks! — khloe-withak

♡ ♡ ♡
It makes me so angry when people put false stereotypes on sororities. Yeah maybe some do haze and maybe the girls in some do get around, but not every sorority is like that. The most common and false stereotype that I hear is that by joining a sorority you are “paying for friends.” This is annoying to hear because who would spend money every semester just to make more friends? Socializing isn’t that hard and I know for a fact people can do it without joining a sorority.

Joining a sorority is so much more than what people make them out to be and it seems as though the negative attention and comments come from those who aren’t involved in Greek life, so how would they know anyway? Personally, I joined a sorority not only to become involved and raise money for a good cause, but for many other benefits. By joining Greek life, you learn first hand how to become a good leader. There are so many positions and roles that are available and by being appointed to these roles, not only does it look good on future resumes and applications, but it shows you why it is important to get involve and how important it is to learn the responsibilities that come along.

So many people lose sight of their goals during their college career and by getting involved and having the support of 50 other girls makes all the difference. Not only have I met and became a part of such a strong group of girls, but it has helped me strive and become better as a person. Did I make a lot of new friends? Yes, and if anything I have learned to not judge people unless you have been in their shoes. Every single person has their own story and even if it takes joining a club, or a group, (in this case, Greek life) to understand that, then so be it.

Not only is Greek life beneficial with networking and connections later in life, but also right now. It is the greatest feeling wearing your letters and having someone come up to you and sharing their college Greek life experiences not even acknowledging the fact that they are complete strangers. All it is, is two people that were involved and surrounded by a group of people that not only always had your back, but also being around the people you will share many memories with, and the memories to come. 

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Q: I might be transferring to a new school next year that has a chapter of my sorority, how will it work as far as my getting a little or being a part of a greek family? Also will I be a part of the pledge class that got initiated the same time as me? — youcancallmemermaid

A: i don’t think i can answer for all sororities, but i know that whatever sorority you are in, they will have procedures in place for making you feel a part of their sisterhood. those traditions may vary from chapter to chapter, so it depends on your new group. i’m sure you will be able to take a little, and i hope someone will become your new big too……

sometimes transferring is not easy. even though the new chapter is part of your sorority, those sisters already have their friends, they may be a little ‘different’ than your original chapter and it may be hard to “break in”. your success will depend on your ability to be outgoing, flexible, friendly and adaptable.

#1 advice ~ don’t compare everything to your old chapter. there’s nothing worse than hearing a new girl say “in my chapter we did it this way”. embrace your new sorority whole heartedly and accept the changes ahead. with lots of love and smiles you will find a new place in your new home. xoxo ;)

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Q: There’s a sister who I was close with, who has been bothering me. She barely comes around, and when she does, she gives me a hard time. She started having personal issues and I gave her space. But lately she’s been calling me out on all of social media. Other sisters have tried to talk to her about her behavior but she’s shut them out. I’ve blocked her from everything but I just want to her to stop! She’s doing the same to other sisters too. Any advice?

A: college age is the time when girls (and guys) start displaying mental and emotional issues. when girls are away from home for the first time, insecurity, loneliness, anxiety, and stress can cause some of them to turn ugly. it’s a shame that a dear sorority sister would get so nasty, but it happens. you have taken the right steps to block her from your social media. you need to protect yourself from any bullying or emotional abuse. i would recommend these additional steps ~ 

• alert your chapter leadership and your advisors to the problem. it may be time for supervising adults to get involved. your sorority probably has anti-harassment bylaws and this member needs to be disciplined.

• don’t add to the drama. it’s tempting to fight back and engage her in debate, but it sounds like she does not respond to reason. it’s best to calmly and quietly go on with your life, and put her emotional outbursts to the side. don’t enflame her in any way. 

• get busy with other activities to take your mind off this, and to make yourself unavailable. i would dive into a new project/hobby/sport and not go to the places where this sister hangs out. change your routine and steer clear of any confrontations.  

• accept the fact that you can never change another persons behavior! try as we might, we have no control over someone’s conduct. if we did ~ we would never loose a boyfriend, loose a job or fight with a friend! all we can do is talk to the person and hope for the best. bad behavior can be disciplined and hopefully that will be a wake-up call for this difficult sister. i am hoping she comes out of this a better person…. xoxo ;)

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Q: Going to a small campus where there is close to no greek life, so many of my sisters do not understand it. The girls who have been exposed to it are a little upset about how our chapter is run, and are trying to make small changes for the best. We have run into some major hesitation and road blocks when trying do this ~ so we are stuck in the same place. I am extremely frustrated. How can we persuade our sisters to accept the changes we are trying to make?

A: the key to a successful chapter is strong leadership. not every single decision needs to be debated by every single member. your executive board should make well informed decisions for the chapter and lead them in the right direction. if you try to run a sorority by complete democracy, you will never agree on anything! i’m not suggesting a dictatorship, but your elected leaders should have the power to make improvements for the group when needed.

making changes should involve these steps:

• poll the chapter for their ideas, so they feel a part of the process. let everyone give their feedback. they will accept changes more readily after their voices have been heard.
• exec board reviews the member’s ideas and considers all options. 
• with the help of your advisors and alums, the exec board votes to implement needed changes. 
• communicate openly with the entire chapter about the changes. tell everyone about the problems, the feedback, the exec board decisions and WHY they decided to make these changes. if girls know why things are changing, they are more likely to accept the new ways.
• present the benefits of your new plans in a fun way! use visual aids like a giant poster, or a power point presentation at your next chapter meeting. or, put on a funny skit about the new traditions. win their hearts by using a happy & upbeat approach. 
• accept the fact that you will never have 100% agreement on any issue. but effective leaders do what’s best for the chapter and move it forward, even if there is some grumbling. sometimes it’s lonely at the top, but doing what’s important for the longevity of the sorority is the #1 priority. 

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