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Hi SS! I recently went through recruitment at Alabama as a sophomore. Sadly, I did not have a connection with any of the houses I attended on pref night and decided to drop. Should I try again this spring? I really want to be in a sorority, but I'm not sure I can take another disappointment. My greek friends all really want me to try again, but I am not convinced.

Asked by

I am so sorry you did not find a connection on Pref Night. And I’m sorry you decided to drop out. Many chapters take time to grow on you. It takes time to meet all the sisters in a large chapter and get the full picture of their sisterhood. But now that rush is over, where do you go from here?

I think it’s too soon to make a decision for next spring. Give your emotions time to calm down. Recruitment is very stressful, and you need time to relax and reflect. How you feel about going greek may be different in 5 months. Coming off a disappointing event is not the best time to commit to going through rush again. I’m sure it sounds absolutely awful right now! 

You may make lots of non-greek friends this fall semester, and you won’t ever have a desire to join a sorority. Or, you may develop a renewed interest in sororities and give rush another try. Let your experiences in the next few months determine what you do next.

If you do rush again, please give the chapters who WANT you to pledge, more of chance! There are many terrific sisterhoods at UA, so you almost can’t go wrong with any of them. Open your heart and your mind to the possibilities. I hope spring recruitment works out and you can find a greek home away from home in 2015! xoxo :)

✿ best ways to overcome sorority embarrassment! ✿

Q: So last year I was a snap bid for the sorority I wanted to be in the most. For some reason I feel kind of embarrassed and angry because I know three girls who didn’t want me apart of their chapter & they were the only ones preventing me to get in. They made up rumors about how desperate I was to get into the sorority. Any advice on how I get over the embarrassment and anger?

A: There is NO reason to be embarrassed about taking a snap bid! Thank god things worked out for you following bid day. And to join your favorite chapter on top of it all. I’m sorry a few nasty sisters are ruining things for you. Once a girl is “in” there is no reason to trash a fellow member over how she joined the chapter. It just doesn’t matter.

In one sense they are right ~ you were eager to get into the most fabulous sorority on campus! What’s wrong with that? It’s also the chapter THEY decided to choose as their #1. When you break it down, their gossip is ridiculous. All of your sisters were excited and dying to pledge your chapter at one time or another.

To recover from this incident, keep these things in mind… Three sisters do not represent the entire chapter in any way. In every sorority, there will be members you don’t get along with. Not all PNMs are accepted with 100% agreement. There are always debates and opposing opinions on some members. You will see this in action when you’re on the other side of formal recruitment this year. Some new members are “controversial” coming into the chapter for different reasons. But hopefully time heals all wounds. 

✿ Top 9 Tips for Overcoming Sorority Embarrassments: ✿

  • Keep the event in the PAST. All embarrassments are from something that happened “before.” If you can put the incident there and shut the door, you will feel better. Live in the present and give no credence to the past. By staying in the moment, you will stop being tortured over what happened a year ago.
  • Agree & laugh about the incident. If you hear any gossip about how you joined, laugh and say "You’re so right. I was dying to get into the very best sorority on campus and be sisters with all of you!" If you can have a sense of humor about your embarrassment, it will cease to be mortifying. Laugh at yourself. Laugh at your silly sisters. Humor and agreement makes the entire controversy go away. 
  • Stop apologizing. There is nothing to be sorry for. Don’t feel like you have to defend yourself. You did nothing wrong. A majority of sisters wanted you to join and they voted you IN. Done deal. Sorry some sisters don’t like it, but that’s their problem. No more feeling bad over doing the right thing and accepting a snap bid. What were you suppose to do, turn it down? 
  • Be bold - be you. Get over what happened a year ago and start putting yourself “out there” in your chapter. Take action to contradict the old story. Run for office, take a chair position, get involved in the Panhellenic, join some campus clubs, etc… Start being so productive, the past fades away. Prove how valuable you are to your sorority. Step up and show everyone you’re an asset to your sisterhood. Stamp out the ugliness with positive actions to the contrary. 
  • Put things into perspective. In order to reduce your stressful feelings about this specific incident, think about other embarrassing moments you’ve had. Write a list of your other painful/awkward experiences. Like the time you were the only one to show up in a Halloween costume. Or, the time your high school boyfriend dumped you in front of everyone at a pep rally. Once you realize that unpleasant things happen in life, it will put this one issue into its proper place in the grand scale of things. 
  • Give up on perfectionism. One reason you feel bad is that you didn’t join in the picture perfect way the other girls did in your pledge class. The criticisms hit a nerve, because you feel self conscious about being a snap bid new member. Forgive yourself! Maybe you didn’t make the first draft, but you still joined the team. Not every life event goes as planned in storybook fashion. Forget living up to some idealistic version of sorority life and start enjoying reality. 
  • Stop being afraid. Embarrassment is basically fear of being thought of poorly by others. You are afraid of being “lesser than.” Face your fears, accept that you can’t undo the past and move forward with strength. You have the power to control your emotions. You can stamp out your anxiety. Grab control of your own thoughts and don’t let others define you. Be proud of your membership and don’t let anyone take that away from you. 
  • Talk it out. Talk about your feelings with a trusted sister and get it off your chest. This can help you come to terms with how you started your greek life. If possible, extend an olive branch to the three sisters who are gossiping about you and clear the air. Reach out to them with love and forgiveness. If you kill them with kindness, and reach a truce, the anger will cease on all sides. 
  • Find inspiration. Look for other sisters/new members who are struggling and help them with their problems. If you look beyond the mirror, and focus on other people’s challenges, it will reduce your own worries. Giving is the best medicine. There are probably sisters in your chapter who have much more serious issues. Be the shoulder to cry on and the helper in times of need. All of sudden your reputation is restored and your anger has disappeared. Living your creed is ultimate answer to moving on! 

These tips are helpful for all kinds of recruitment and chapter embarrassments. Personal blunders and set backs happen to everyone. Don’t let the residual emotions from an unhappy event taint your sorority life. Regrets, doubts and mistakes are part of reality. The key is to not let them rule the day. Work through your issues, so you can get back to having the glorious greek life you always wanted! xoxo ;)

✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ 

As a PNM is it okay if we ask sisters of the chapter questions? :) Or would that come off as us being nosy or something like that!?

Asked by

You should ask questions and be interested in what each chapter is all about. Some topics are off limits, such as fraternities, parties, drugs, drinking, sex and other inappropriate subjects. I also suggest staying away from religious and political hot button issues like abortion, racial unrest, and middle eastern terrorism. It’s also impolite to discuss how much money your family makes. Recruitment is not the place for deep discussions about the meaning of life, or for debating controversial issues in the news.

But PNMs are encouraged to ask questions about the operation of the sorority, sisterhood events, greek life in general, the big/little program, the chapter’s philanthropy and more… You should come to rush with some questions in mind. Other inquiries will develop as you go. The chapters will share a lot about themselves and this will prompt some more questions on your part.

You are making a lifetime commitment to an organization, it’s not nosy to confirm what you’re getting into. You should appear to be an interested PNM, and not just passively sit there, In addition to your own questions, here are some more to choose from:

• Top PNM Questions to Ask During Recruitment 

• PNM Recruitment Questions to Ask By Category

• 20 “Safe” PNM Questions to Ask During Recruitment

xoxo ;)

(Ref. previous ask) "First of all your odds on not getting a bid are almost zero" How is that so??? There's a ton of gals that rush but only so many spaces!

Asked by

It is a mystery of greek life! But somehow MOST/Almost All PNMs who stick it out to Preference Night receive bids. At some schools a bid is even guaranteed by the Panhellenic if you make it to the Pref round. They tell the PNMs they WILL receive a bid from 1 of their 3 final choices. It may not be the PNMs 1st or even 2nd choice, but hopefully #3 is fabulous too.

The number of PNMs basically fit the number of chapters and membership openings. For example, a big southern school will have 2,000 PNMs going through rush, but they also have 18 chapters will large pledge classes. A small private school in New England may have only 3 sororities on campus and 20 girls in each new member class, but they do not have 2,000 rushees! It’s basically proportionate.

When a college starts having placement problems and demand outstrips supply, that’s when more chapters are allowed to colonize. If there are new colonies on campus, that means it’s been determined that interested PNMs need more places to pledge. It’s a sign of a vibrant and growing greek community. Today, more girls are interested in joining a sorority than ever before, which is excellent news for all the national organizations who want to expand their numbers. 

Another reason that most everyone matches for bid day, is many PNMs leave before the very end. If they have been cut by their favorite houses, they have second thoughts about the financial obligations, they discover greek life if not for them, they have an attack of nerves ~ whatever the reason, girls usually drop before Preference. I advise against this, since you never know what will develop as the week progresses. Pref Night has changed many PNM’s hearts. Even after bid day love can grow.

But it’s normal  and expected that a certain percentage of PNMs will drop out during rush week. It’s unfortunate, but it does help the remaining PNMs find sorority homes. In the end, the magic of recruitment takes place and PNMs are blissfully matched with sorority chapters. This happens every bid day, year after year. It’s amazing how that works! xoxo ;)

Hi! I just signed up for recruitment at the University of Rhode Island this fall and have been doing some online research and your blog made me feel so excited for greek but as soon as i looked anywhere else i got super nervous, with every website saying that it's a contest to do with how attractive the pledges are. I'm confident with how i look but i'm not 100% preppy and have thick brown curly hair, and am not sure if i look like a traditional sorority girl. Will I fit in?? thank you xxxx

Asked by

My favorite saying when it comes to sorority recruitment is: "There is a place for everyone!" Thank goodness not all chapters are alike. How boring that would be. And impossible to recruit if every sorority was a carbon copy of each other. There are hundreds, if not thousands of other girls just like you waiting to rush at URI who are also not 6’ tall, blonde and models for Victoria’s Secret on the weekends. MOST PNMs look like “average” girls. If you browse my blog, you will see sisters and new members from all over the country. A very high percentage of them are in the normal range of attractiveness.

Yes there are some individuals and some colleges that seem to have an above average amount of gorgeous greek girls. USC, UF and ASU come to mind. But even on those super beautiful campuses, there are plenty of pretty girls with brown curly hair! Everyone will be looking their best during recruitment, but keep in mind, they don’t look like that every day. Rush is a time to wear a little make-up, style your hair and wear fashionable clothing. Stay true to your personality, but step it up a notch. Rush IS a competition at its very core. 

I am certain you will fit in with several chapters at URI. Not every sorority will be a match, but I’m sure there will be many sisters who you hit it off with. Maybe you’re not the preppiest, but you can look classy and stylish. Be the BEST that you can be, let your personality shine and fill the room with your winning smile. Sororities don’t pledge designer labels, straight hair, or expensive shoes ~ they pledge PNMs who they fall in love with and can’t wait to spend more time together. If a girl has all the “right stuff” she will be a desirable PNM to many chapters. A boring, flat, unexcited PNM will not ~ despite her wardrobe or facial beauty. It’s all about an ideal MIX of inner and outer attractiveness that makes for a successful recruitment. Keep your confidence high and do your BEST! xoxo ;)

"Ability is what you’re capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it." ~ Lou Holtz

sorority Q&A: being behind the scenes during rush…

Q: This is my first year on my sorority’s side of recruitment and I was asked to be in charge leading the PNM discussion and the voting process, b/c I’m already really familiar with the process. The Recruitment Chair seemed really passionate about assigning it to me, but it means I won’t be the room at all for the 3 days of our recruitment and I won’t get to meet any of the new girls one-on-one. I. How can I still feel involved in recruitment when I’m behind the scenes?

A: You have the same issue that the Rho Gammas/Gamma Chis have. They are not part of the actual recruitment conversations at their house. Floaters also don’t always have much one-on-one time with the PNMs. The Recruitment chair herself and other officers may be really busy with operational activities. It takes a lot of teamwork to stage formal recruitment and everyone has to play their part. You will have several more formal recruitments ahead of you, so this will not always be your job. Just this one time. And you should be flattered that you were so passionately asked to do it. I am impressed! 

Here are some other things to keep in mind:

  • You WILL be meeting many (if not all) PNMs through your education sessions! And they all will know who you are. 
  • Value your position and know that it’s important to the rush process in your chapter. You are doing a good thing. 
  • Consider what you can “give” to your sorority instead of what you can “get” out of rush. 
  • In any sorority event, fundraiser, formal, or retreat ~ the “important” people are making it happen behind the scenes. If you enjoy leadership and want to stand out in your chapter, this is the crowd you want to be with. I personally always love being in a chair position, or an officer, in any group. There is something exciting about "putting on the show" that I love.
  • Enjoy being an authority. The PNMs will look up to you and admire your expertise. Revel in the fact that you know so much about the process and you can share your smarts with others. 
  • Maybe you can still clap and sing and be a part of the general hellos and goodbyes for each round. That would help you feel more involved and a part of recruitment overall.  
  • As long as you are in a ‘different’ position, see if you can help in other ways behind the scenes ~ such as setting up the buffet table, decorating with balloons, hanging banners, etc… Every chapter needs more helping hands. Make the most of your availability. 
  • Make sure to work the room on bid day and welcome the new members you recognize from your discussion groups. They will remember you. Put some extra effort into getting to know the new girls from that day forward. You can make up for lost time quickly!

xoxo ;) 

Hi! So at my university you need to fill out an online application in order to be able to rush. We need to upload a headshot along with it. Any advice on how the headshot should look or what to avoid when uploading one? I really want to get in somewhere top tier.

Asked by

I have LOTS of tips and headshot examples under the tag “headshot.” Please go to my blog homepage and enter headshot (one word) in the Search bar and many helpful posts will come up. That way you can see more than one example and read the advice too. A PNM photo should be attractive, look like you, clearly show your face, etc…  xoxo ;)

Or LINK here:

I really want to join a sorority this coming year. I wish I would have last year but I decided not to. I'm nervous I'm not good enough to be in a sorority or the girls won't like me during recruitment. I have a big lack in self confidence and it makes me question if I will belong with gorgeous sorority girls. Do you have any advice on how I positively go into recruitment?

Asked by

There is only one way to overcome your fears and that is to FACE them head on! You won’t gain self-confidence by sitting in your room. The only way to grow as a person is to put yourself out there and try your hardest. Doing what you’re scared of is the best way to work through your self-esteem issues. Everyone is nervous! Even the most beautiful girls are stressed and have butterflies in their stomach. Any competition is nerve wracking. That doesn’t stop PNMs from participating. 

Some of your fears will come true ~ several sororities won’t click and you will be cut. That happens to every PNM. Even the most secure girls are not a match for all chapters on campus. So the narrowing process effects everyone equally. It’s more about matchmaking than winning a contest. You are selecting your favorite sororities, at the same time they are assessing your qualifications for membership. Both sides are looking for mutual love!

You will need more confidence as you complete your college education, apply for internships, start your career and search for employment. Why not let recruitment be the first step in your journey to becoming more self assured? Joining a sorority builds inner strength, develops your personality, helps you blossom and much more. Push through your nervousness and reach for your goals! xoxo :)

"I don’t believe you have to be better than everybody else. I believe you have to be better than you ever thought you could be." ~ Ken Venturi 

"I am still far from being what I want to be, but with God’s help I shall succeed." ~ Vincent Van Gogh

Does a rec letter have to be from an alum? Or can it be from older girls from high school who are currently in sororities? Basically, do our recs have to be from girls who have already graduated?

Asked by

It depends on the sororities. Some require only alumnae letters and others allow both active and alum letters. The types of letters accepted are sometimes “by school.” Such as ABC panhellenic requests the letters be from alums only and it applies to all the chapters on that campus. Even though each sorority makes their own rec letter decisions, colleges may have a preference as a whole. Whether PNMs even need rec letters, is usually panhel-wide as well. A certain college will not require them, another campus will. That way all the chapters are all on the same page. xoxo :)