Q: I honestly have run out of options and I don’t know what to do. My sorority is on interim suspension at my college. My national organization investigated us and cleared us. Now our school put us on suspension until they do an investigation. What we did was not bad, and it is in the past. We have not continued our old awful acts and habits. We changed as a sorority and now, I feel like we are getting punished for our past and not moving forward. I was wondering if you could give me some sort of hope that what my school is doing is just protocol?
A: I am so sorry to hear about your chapter troubles! THIS TOO SHALL PASS! If there was misbehavior in the past, the university has the obligation to investigate on it’s own. Even though your national organization has cleared your membership, the college doesn’t know if that’s totally legitimate. They need their own information to verify that everything is ok and your sisters are behaving properly. The university is legally responsible for what happens to their students on campus. In this day of crazy lawsuits, every institution needs to protect themselves carefully. And greeks are frequently under extra scrutiny, due to their reputation at some schools. Your administration is being responsible and cautious!
If your sisters are now on track, your suspension is just an extra inconvenience. All part of “paying the price” for whatever went wrong and another life lesson. Take this time to BOND as a sisterhood and learn from your mistakes. This should make a big impression on the members and keep them in line for many years to come. Once your sorority is back to full power, every girl should appreciate it ten times more and should guard your chapter reputation carefully in the future. By going through this ordeal together, you will hopefully grow closer. See this strife as a way to connect, mature and value what’s really most important in a sorority ~ each other. xoxo ;)
"Every choice carries a consequence. For better or worse, each choice is the unavoidable consequence of its predecessor. There are no exceptions." ~ Gary Ryan Blair
"The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit. The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are." ~ Marcus Aurelius
Q: I’ve gotten to where I really don’t like anyone in my sorority BC of petty shit. Everyone has been really petty to everyone else. And I feel like I’m going to treat everyone the way they treat me. I don’t want to see them and I don’t want to be nice.
A: RISE ABOVE IT! Many sisters feel this way at one time or another. When you get a large group of girls together, there are bound to be problems. Emotions run high, sisters are competitive, girls are immature and unless there is strong leadership from your organization ~ things can get out of control. But when you find yourself in an unhappy place you must consider what’s best for you in the long run and what type of person you want to be. Rather than stooping to the lowest level, you should strive to treat others “as you wish to be treated”, not “how they treat you!” You are better than that the petty crap that’s being dished your way.
Instead of giving up, what if you took the LEAD in turning this around? Don’t just try to be nice. Take action to correct the corrosive problems before they bring your sisterhood down. Here are some things that I would recommend you try ~
- Go to your chapter advisor (if the e-board is hopeless) and express your frustrations. Get help from a higher authority to mend your chapter. Other sisters must be very unhappy as well. Be their representative in seeking assistance. Your membership and personal happiness are WORTH trying to save!
- Be totally neutral. You don’t have to be fake and sweet and you don’t need to be mean and nasty. But you can be unresponsive. Don’t take the bait. Don’t get involved in petty arguments. Just stop being engaged with the nastiness. When you step back, the mean girls can’t hurt you anymore. When sisters are mistreating you, just become unavailable. Take a break from your social media and stop reading and listening to negative talk.
- Go a new direction! When things get unpleasant in a tight group, it’s time to explore some outside adventures. You don’t have to be ugly to your sisters, instead, turn your attention to several new clubs, activities, exercise, hobbies, classes, non-greek friends, employment, panhellenic involvement, etc.. etc… There is soooo much more to college life than just your sorority!! When too much focus is put on the problems of sisterhood, a girl totally looses perspective. One way to survive is to have more outside interests and a more balanced friendship circle.
Some space, some fresh air and some new projects will totally ease the tension you are feeling now. Instead of matching unhappiness with unhappiness ~ take some positive step towards growing as a person and keeping your good character! Take the high road today. xoxo ;)
• Also please check out my recent post on ‘Ways to Be a NiCER Sorority Sister’:
Hey! So one of the pledges of my sorority is currently dating my ex-boyfriend (who is a member of a fraternity). My ex-boyfriend and I had an extremely messy breakup and we were still involved when the two of them got together. I am having a hard time being around this girl at events, and we have a lot of official pledging events coming up that we will both be at. Do you have any advice for how to deal with being respectful to her, even if my feelings are hurt? Thank you!
Whyyyyy do sisters do this? Agghghgh. There are lots of fish in the sea and I really wish that sorority members would date OTHER guys, not former boyfriends of their sisters. It’s hurtful and the source of so much pain and drama. I feel for you!
First of all, you don’t have to get up close and personal with this particular girl. There will be lots of sisters at your chapter events, and you are more than welcome to spend time in close proximity of other girls. Avoidance is my #1 advice. There is no reason to engage with her specifically or stir up sad feelings. Just pretend like nothing is wrong, put a smile on your face and focus on all the other wonderful pledges and actives. Don’t go out of your way to be unpleasant, just float by in a different “dimension.” You are calm, cool and above the past messiness. If you mentally place yourself away from the memories, and your current feelings for this new member, you will be able to be in the same room. Compartmentalize!
Don’t give your Ex or his new girlfriend the pleasure of seeing you squirm. If you aren’t completely recovered yet ~ ACT as if you are! Act “over it” in every way. If you had a fabulous new boyfriend who was 10 times better and everything was amazing in your life, you wouldn’t care about the past breakup - at all. You would be thankful it ended. Pretend that scenario is exactly the case. Let them have each other! You have moved on to bigger and better things. Don’t give this pledge any power over you.
Bottom line: How you ACT is supremely more important than how you FEEL. If you come in contact with the problem sister, you act cooly polite and promptly move on to speaking with someone else. By being dignified and above the fray you show real CLASS. xoxo ;)
"The best way out of a difficulty is through it." ~ Anon
So my big and I were really close, but them there was some drama within the sorority that I was involved with and when it ended she never talked to me anymore and I almost feel like she hates me. Because we talked all the time and now we don't. She's going to nursing school next semester and I didn't even know until I saw it on twitter. What do you think I should do?
I would give it some time, but always keep an open door and an open heart. Time really does heal many hurts and with more maturity on all sides, your relationship can still be mended. Stay in touch from a distance and remain upbeat. If you see an announcement on Twitter, don’t get mad, just respond with a happy ‘Congrats’ message like any other friend. Just be a regular girlfriend and lightly communicate when you can.
Your positive and warm comments may build to more one day. If your heart and attitude remains welcoming, she may see your support and loyalty as meaningful over time. If needed, apologize for the past, set things straight and tell her you wish to patch things up. Once the air is cleared, just continue to be a faithful sister, even if the attention is not returned. Either you will both move on, or you may be reunited in the future. Keep your options open, remain a decent person and extend the olive branch… hopefully she will respond! xoxo ;)
"A loving heart is the truest wisdom." ~ Charles Dickens
When I rushed this Spring, there were 2 houses I really liked but I felt more comfortable and could see myself having a great time with the girls in one house more than the other. However, they did not give me a bid but I know a couple of girls in that sorority and they said they loved me and wish they could've given me a bid. The other sorority is possibly going to give me a bid but I know few girls in there and I'm afraid if I join this house, I will still want to join the other house. Advice?
The answer depends on how much RISK you can personally tolerate! There are NO guarantees for getting a bid from your #1 choice. The word sounds good for a future opportunity, but that’s a long way from recruitment, an entire chapter vote and a legitimate bid. I don’t know how much the sister’s “sweet talk” really means. If they loved you so much, why didn’t they offer you a bid during recruitment? I know things happen, but I would be cautious. But…. you can take a chance and wait to give your favorite chapter a second try!
On the other hand, you may have a sure offer coming soon from house #2. As the saying goes “a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.” If you have a firm bid and a chance to start greek life in a sorority that you like very much, then that’s a sure deal! Just like picking one dress over another, or even one boyfriend over another, once the decision is made, you shut the door to the other possibility. You’ll never have a crystal ball and hindsight is torturous. If you join chapter #2 then you can’t second guess your decision. Choice made and time to move forward happily.
Bottom line: If you wait for sorority #1, you may not join greek life, or at least not for awhile. Do you want to take that risk? I personally would seize the opportunity presented to me and join the chapter which offers me a bid first! If I liked the sorority a lot, then I would want to join the sisterhood which wants me. Don’t worry about the road not taken. Instead make the most of where you find your offer of membership! xoxo ;)
Q: We had our bid day yesterday & ended up with most of the girls we didn’t want. They are so weird. More importantly though, I am up to take a little this semester & I DO NOT want ANY of them. Can I refuse to take one? There are less people up for littles than littles available. And don’t say get to know them better. I want to wait for the perfect one. Can someone be forced to take a little?
A: Yikes! Please don’t take a little out of this pledge class for the sake of the new members! If they are so horrible, your chapter should not have offered them bids. Better to be below quota, than have a group of misfits on your hands. Your sorority should also seriously examine their recruitment procedures if you are ending up with new members no one wants at all! That’s not how rush should end.
I assume that your chapter bylaws do not compel you to take a little. I don’t think your organization can force you to do so. It’s a shame you can’t see a one or two redeeming qualities in the new girls, since there are not enough bigs to go around. But I don’t think you can be absolutely made to take one. Please check with your e-board, or review your own sorority bylaws to make 100% sure.
I believe you when you say the new members are awful in every way, but please give some thought to your own character. I think it’s time for a bit of self reflection. Whether you like it or not, these girls will be your lifelong sisters soon and you must muster up some patience and tolerance for them. Maybe you could be a role model for helping them GROW and mature. Possibly your “better” personality will rub off on them and help them move away from being so weird. Think about how you can improve your chapter’s new class, instead of just criticizing them. It would be great if you could be a part of the solution in some way!
And please know that the search for perfection can be a frustrating and lonely road. As you hold out for the perfect little, make sure you work on perfecting yourself in every way too. When the time comes, you need to be so perfect that your targeted little will want to choose YOU in return! xoxo ;)
"You cannot afford to wait for perfect conditions. Goal setting is often a matter of balancing timing against available resources. Opportunities are easily lost while waiting for perfect conditions." ~ Gary Ryan Blair
"The pursuit of perfection is always linked to some important deficiency, frequently the inability to love." ~ Bernard Grasset
Q: My sisters called me a **** & sent nasty facebook messages because I had flirted with a sister’s ex. I only learned this because she called me out about it. I had no idea until after the fact ~ but the harassment continued. I never wanted to be apart of this sorority, but my school only has two and this was the better one. I was supposed to go to a different university and I’m a Pi Phi legacy, but I had free tuition for the school in my hometown so my parents made me stay and attend. I don’t know what to do. I wish I could start over but its against rules. Help!
A: Sometimes sisters get into a bit of trouble by trespassing on ex-boyfriends or getting messed up in sisterhood drama. Your sisters should not treat you that way ~ no matter if you flirted on purpose, or you were totally in the dark! They are not showing good character in any way. To patch things up with the girl(s) you offended, you need to talk with them, apologize for stepping on a sister’s toes and explain what really happened. If it was all a mistake, you need to make that clear immediately, so the facebook slamming will STOP. Make amends and make nice, even if you did nothing wrong. You just want the harassment to end.
Once the drama has calmed down you can assess your college situation. You have no other options at your current school, but you could transfer to a new university as an initiated member of XYZ sorority. A new chapter would be completely different and provide that “fresh start” you’re looking for. No, you can’t quit and join a different NPC sorority, but you can find a brand new greek life within your existing organization. If you really want to start over, then you must find a place to do it.
But of course your fresh start involves transferring from a tuition free school to one with tuition. You will need to discuss this with your parents and see if there is any way to swing it. You could offer to work part time to help pay, or research student loans. With determination and hard work, I hope you can attend a university you love, instead of just the one in your hometown.
When all is said and done, if transferring is just not financially possible, you will need to put the past behind you, lay low for awhile and then re-start your chapter involvement. Get active in philanthropy and other non-controversial sisterhood projects. Dedicate yourself to doing good deeds for your sorority and redeeming your reputation. Stay away from trouble areas and just be a ‘model’ sister. You will erase the past and feel better about GIVING your all to your sorority. You can reinvent your current chapter life with time, extra effort and a loving attitude. xoxo ;)
Thank you so much for having such a wonderful blog! I have a question though - I'm about to take on Twins as a first-time Big and I'm a bit nervous! I really like both the girls who will be my Littles, but I don't think I've ever really seen them talk to one another/really have anything in common with one another. I don't want to force them to spend time together if they both feel uncomfortable with one another. Any advice on how to spend time with both of them? (if that makes sense, haha)
It would be wonderful if your Littles were compatible and had a few things in common. But you all joined the same sorority, so hopefully everyone can get along on some level. Consider this a chance for the three of you to get to know each other better. I would plan some group activities so the two Littles can become acquainted. You can also spend some one-on-one time with each girl. But don’t play favorites, or you will have trouble right off the bat.
If YOU know them better than they know each other, plan a few fun things that both girls will like. For example, if both Littles like to craft, get together for a wine & crafting evening. If both girls are the active type, work out together, or go on a picnic and hike. Whatever the personality of your sisters, start by doing some fun things they will enjoy and be relaxed with. Shopping, movies, mani-pedis, brunch, bike riding, fraternity mixer, campus concert, sports game ~ are all possible ideas for coming together as a new family.
Keep in mind, when people are getting to know each other, it’s always helpful to have something to “do” as a distraction and a buffer against any awkward moments. Rather than just sitting in a dorm room trying to make conversation, if you are engaged in an activity, it will ease any tensions. Spoil your new Littles with treats, attend chapter events together and do a few things outside the sorority. With you in the lead, that combination of togetherness should get your new family off to a friendly start! xoxo ;)
I'm house manager of my chapter, and we've been having issues with noise in the house on weekend nights. I've had multiple house meetings, and asked them to stop, but to no avail. There is no punishment in place for being disrespectful to girls who are sleeping, and I was wondering if you had any ideas? Thank you
Whenever there is a behavior problem or a need for motivation, there are 2 ways to accomplish change~ by reward or by punishment. Most chapters have a points system to “require” members to attend events, show up to meetings, pay dues on time, etc. They are either punished with fines if they don’t comply or earn points for prizes if they do all the right things. Some sororities respond better to one method or the other. Chapters may have a combination of the two programs. I think using the carrot and the stick is a good way to manage most behavior.
In the case of weekend noise, it is the weekend and not a weeknight, but sisters still deserve respect. Probably a points/punishment plan is needed. It’s difficult to reward someone for “not” making noise, so treats may not work in your case. I suggest you promptly brainstorm with your chapter leadership and create an action plan of fines and/or unpleasant duties (like cleaning or setting up chairs), which need to be assigned for each infraction. Decide what reasonable fines would be appropriate and/or select some chores that no one likes. Tasks can’t be hazing, but maybe there are some less than fun projects that could be assigned to the disruptive girls. Eventually the noisy sisters could face being put on social probation or have to go before standards if they don’t comply. Hopefully it won’t come to that.
As you have seen begging doesn’t work. Time for some fair and organized consequences to take effect. If you have some ‘muscle’ behind your pleading, the behavior should stop or be reduced. Good luck! xoxo ;)
Q: I pledged this fall as an upperclassmen and I was super excited to join my house. I have always known that not every girl in a chapter always gets along; however, there is a group of girls in my chapter who are just straight up rude and mean to my big and me for no reason at all. One of the girls has even told my big to her face that she doesn’t like her. Ever since my big and I were matched up these girls have been rude to me also. I always try to say hi and acknowledge them when I see them around campus, but they just give me a nasty look and keep walking.
I am also now the Sisterhood Chair of my chapter and I have had problems with them being rude to me while leading sisterhood events. Is there any way I can fix this problem with these girls without sending them to standards for a bad attitude as I have been advised?
A: These mean girls have made it loud and clear that they do not like you or your big. The reason may stem from something you don’t know about, or something you don’t want to admit. Possibly, they just dislike the two of you for no legitimate reason! Sometimes people just rub others the wrong way. But bottom line, they should not show it so overtly. They can have their opinions, but they should NOT abuse you publicly.
Since you were elected Sisterhood Chair, I assume you are pretty popular overall with your chapter. You should take comfort in that and feel more secure in your status. I advise that you “let it go” when it comes to this negative group of sisters. Don’t engage them in conversation or try to say hello when you pass them on campus. Why set yourself up for rejection? Don’t wave and smile any more. They are not going to respond.
If they are disrupting your events, then you need to firmly put them in their place. A leader must learn to kindly stop disruptive members, end side chatting and monitor behavior during meetings. Just like a comedian must control hecklers in the audience! You must rise above the childish behavior of your sisters and conduct your activities with “friendly authority.” If you remain calm and professional, your chapter will see how negative and immature the other girls are in comparison to your class act.
You could also try speaking to one or two of the girls outside of the group. I don’t know if this would be successful, but it may be worth a try. Nastiness is made worse when sisters are in a group. It empowers all of them. Individually they may be more open to a truce. You and your big could have a heart to heart with the most approachable of the girls and see if progress can be made. If you don’t want to take discipline action, then managing the behavior, ignoring it, or trying to reach one of the girls ~ are basically your options! I hope a peace accord can be reached soon! xoxo ;)
Q: My sorority is doing spring recruitment for the first time as a chapter and we need about 25 girls this semester. However, there’s some conflict over recruitment. Our chair only selects her friends (cute, skinny) to recruit and only those girls are allowed to go to the invite only recruitment events. Some of us (like my big and I) feel like they’re trying to hide “average” girls from PNMs. Is there any way to fix this? I don’t like where we’re heading at all at this point.
A: EVERY member needs to be at EVERY rush event! How else can a PNM get the true picture of what your sorority is all about? It doesn’t matter if the sisters in attendance are all skinny, all plump, all blonde, or all brunette ~ what your chair is doing is not right! Your chapter cannot present just a certain style of sisters in the final recruitment rounds. Sororities have a mix of girls and that’s what makes them interesting.
The way to fix this is to seek help from a higher power. The advisor or leader in charge of your chapter should be contacted immediately. There must be some supervision of your membership so these types of things don’t happen. If certain sisters want to take a lead in rush, perform in the skits, give speeches and be the “face” of the chapter, that is perfectly Ok. But you must have all the sisters in attendance to present the most honest portrait of your sisterhood. Excluding some members from being involved is harmful to chapter unity and not an accurate representation for the PNMs. I hope you can nip this in the bid! xoxo ;)
I just joined a sorority and I love all the girls but we don't have a very good reputation on campus. In other schools, my sorority seems to be popular but here they're the not so cool girls. I know that we're all amazing but how can I show everyone else that? I want to boost our reputation!
It’s tough to totally change your chapter “personality.” You can be more involved in greek life and host new events, but to transform your sisters from not cool to cool is probably a tall order. From what you describe, your chapter doesn’t have a bad/nasty/terrible reputation, you’re just not the most popular sorority on campus. That’s not necessarily a negative thing. The top spot has lots of challenges too! Usually the hottest or coolest girls are also very competitive and not always the nicest to each other.
I don’t like ranking chapters because I believe there is a place for everyone and chapters are just different ~ not better or worse. There are plenty of pros and cons with every house. The cool sorority is for a certain type of girl (and that’s wonderful), but membership may also bring excess partying, pressure to spend lots of money and infighting between sisters. No chapter is perfect. It’s sometimes best to be comfortably in the middle instead of top or bottom. Just keep that in mind!
The only way to totally revamp your chapter is to slowly recruit different types of girls. I’m not saying you should do that, but eventually you could replace the quieter types with more popular girls. But that will take many pledge classes to complete. In the meantime, if you want to spruce up your sorority’s image without totally changing it, these are a few things you can try ~
- Start looking the part! Whatever the “in” tee shirts, decorations and greek goodies are, order that style too. Every campus has a look that they prefer. Some schools are super preppy, some are ultra hip. If you want to be a little more mainstream, then pattern your apparel, banners and lawn letters after the more popular chapters. You should look just as good as any other house on sorority row.
- Become more involved in greek social life! Maybe your chapter does not enjoy an many fraternity exchanges and mixers as other sororities. Step up your chapter profile with a busier social calendar. Put extra effort into pairing up with the best fraternities that you can book. Host some additional sorority-to-sorority events as well. If you can partner with other girls on some really fun parties, your rep will be elevated. For example, on some campuses, Kappa and Theta join together for a Kites & Keys party. Take that idea and host a similar event with another sorority which will boost your chapter’s profile.
- Raise your profile on campus! Beyond socializing, your chapter should get more involved with other cool events at school. Create a fabulous new fundraiser that will get the attention of all the other greeks. Participate in ALL the other fraternity and sorority fundraisers and volunteer projects. Consistently publicize your involvement on your chapter’s social media. Make sure your members are serving on greek committees and they are members of other clubs, groups and sports teams too. If your sisters are sitting around doing nothing else, your chapter will not be high profile. Sisters need to also be campus tour guides, panhellenic officers, cheerleaders, political candidates, volunteers for charities, etc… Popularity means reaching beyond your sorority front door and into the university community at large.
- Recruit smart! Popular sororities don’t get that way without lots of hard work. They demand a certain level of commitment from their members to network and target their kind on PNMs. They don’t sit back and wait for the best girls to come to them. They monitor all the incoming freshman from their sister’s former high schools. They track their legacies, they require recommendation letters, the meet & greet friends of friends and more. They practice for recruitment and put hours and hours into selecting the best PNMs. They produce the best skits, they use the cutest themes, they give it their all. Whatever the type of girl your chapter is looking for, you need to be working just as hard to find the best new pledges. And you need a fabulous sorority program to offer them. Ask yourself, what would the brightest and best PNMs want to see in my chapter that would entice them to pledge? If you can answer that question with a glowing list of attractive events, friendly sisters and lifestyle benefits ~ then you are on you way to being a very desirable chapter!
Bottom line ~ it is possible to enhance your chapter and step up your appeal as a sisterhood. But make sure your maintain your friendly spirit and specialness along the way. It’s ok to be a little less cool if all your sisters love each other and you’re having a wonderful time together. Please yourselves, stay true to your creed and then work on taking your chapter to the next level! xoxo ;)
Q: I was wondering if you could help me out with some problems I’ve been having with my little. It’s not we are fighting or don’t like each other, instead it’s almost like the opposite. She’s way too overbearing! She wants to be a part of everything I do and while I of course want to spend time with her, I also want to be around my friends & sisters. But she gets really upset and says that it makes her feel insecure about us as big/little.
A: A clingy, possessive big/little can be just as bad as a distant one! While it’s flattering to be wanted, no one wants to be smothered. Both the big and little should have their own space and their own lives. You must set some boundaries as soon as possible. Here are some tips for dealing with your insecure little ~
- Don’t over engage with your little. Constant texting, posting and messaging will only keep the connection super strong. Avoid involving your little in every single thing that you do or say. Create some space online and in person. You should have a PRIVATE life. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. Don’t flaunt the things you do without your little and avoid posting the photos all over the place. Reduce your snap chats and Instagram/Facebook postings. Keep some things to yourself!
- Have a heart to heart talk. Sit your demanding little down and explain to her that while you love her to death, you need time to do other things too. Explain that you have an intense course load, other commitments and other activites which are requiring your time. Try to not make it too personal ~ it’s just that you are super busy. And you can’t join her for every activity. Then outline the frequency of doing things together that will work for you. Maybe once a week or once a month is comfortable. Set boundaries!
- Point your little in a new direction. Brainstorm some terrific activites and projects that you can get your little involved in. It sounds like she has too much time on her hands. If you can set her up on a new committee, or introduce her to some new friends, it should reduce the intensity of your relationship. Do this in a friendly way, so she doesn’t feel rejected. Redirecting her interests can be really helpful to her AND to you.
- Insecurity really is the problem. Your little is 100% right when she says she feels insecure. Extreme self doubt is at the root of this problem. But you can’t cure your little or solve all her personality problems. In order for your relationship to not smother you to death, she will have to find a balance. Encourage her to make more friends in the chapter and help her with this! If you don’t find the right balance in your friendship, you will soon resent her bossiness to the point of not wanting to be around her at all. Hopefully you can avoid things going that far!
Q: My chapter (and school) is going through recruitment this weekend and it’s obviously taking up every single moment of my time. The problem is that I’m in an incredibly demanding major with teachers who have no sympathy for the demands of Greek Life and the long hours of recruitment. Any advice on how to balance them both while keeping my sanity intact? I need to be able to sleep!!!
A: Who needs sleep? Recruitment and sleep do not go together! Fortunately recruitment preparation and actual rounds do not go on forever (it just seems that way). Hopefully the stress and strain lasts only about two weeks total. I understand it’s a big interruption in your normal routine and academic studies. But somehow you need to balance it all for a short duration. Consider this excellent training for your future life of balancing career, marriage, family, friends, exercise, hobbies, volunteering and spiritual life ~ just to name a few things!
Keeping a written schedule or an agenda is a good idea. You need to schedule time for each activity. Organization will help you feel more in control. Set aside hours for sorority and hours for the demands of your classes. Schedule study time, eating time, practice time, etc. Drop ALL unnecessary activites during the time of recruitment. For example, if you usually work out at the gym, shop at the mall, or hang out at Starbucks ~ all of those things are gone for the time being. Only your top necessities make your calendar. No TV, no lingering on Facebook, no partying late nights. By streamlining your schedule to only what’s vital these few weeks, I think you will find things are manageable after all.
Cheers to a successful rush and lots of top PNMs! It will all be worth it in the end. You only get to enjoy this part of greek life for a handful of years. Enjoy it while you can!! Sleep later! xoxo ;)
Q #1: I pledged this fall as an upperclassmen transfer. I was so excited to join my house and get my big. My big ended up being a girl in my major and most of my classes. We didn’t make a huge connection, but I was so excited and assumed it would just start to happen. About 2 months later, it seems as if nothing has changed. She doesn’t ask me to hang out or anything and doesn’t talk to me any different. I’m just not feeling that big-little love I was hoping for. Is these anything I can do?
Q #2: I love my little, but we don’t have a whole lot in common. She doesn’t take academics very seriously, she isn’t very into our sorority (although I’m trying my hardest to change that). She kinda just likes to hang out with her roommates (who are kind of obnoxious, messy and rude in my opinion) and goof around, and she likes to go home a lot. I’m having trouble finding ways to relate to her and get her excited about college and sorority life.
A: Big/little pairings are not always made in heaven! And the extra expectations put on them are intense. Sometimes just a pleasant friend is all the relationship will be. If you find yourself in a distant big/little partnership, please consider these tips ~
- It could be worse! If you find your big/little arrangement is boring, flat, and going nowhere ~ it could be much worse. You could be arguing and fighting all the time. A less-than-ideal big or little is better than a gossiping vicious sister. Appreciate what connection you DO have and try to build on it.
- Accept the things you cannot change. If you don’t have much in common and your lifestyles are at odds, realize that there are parts of your friendship that will not change. Everyone is an individual and preferences vary widely. Don’t try to overhaul your big/little ~ but do attempt to bond over whatever small things you agree on. Better a light connection that none at all.
- Be a role model. If your big/little is going in a different direction, you can still be the bigger person. Give gifts, stay in touch, be friendly. If you are a steady good influence, things could turn around in the future. A lot of maturing takes place in college. Be the steady rock that your big/little needs, even if she doesn’t seem to appreciate it. Being a loving sister is about what you can give, not just what you can get. Show your big/little what should be done in the relationship.
- More friends means a fuller life. If your big/little partnership never blossoms, stay positive, but also fill your life with lots of love from other sisters. The bigger your circle of friends the more enriched our life will be. Take the spotlight and the pressure off your less than perfect big/little situation and start living a fuller life filled with a wide range of sisters. Make friends in other chapters too, get involved with the greek community on campus and open your arms to good times from many sources. When you do this, the disappointment from one sister lessons greatly. It puts everything into perspective.