sorority sugar

Scroll to Info & Navigation

Tag Results

661 posts tagged q and a

rush talk: seeking the perfect chapter…

Q: I dropped formal recruitment last spring because I felt like the only houses left weren’t good fits for me. I just went through fall recruitment and had an amazing time at one of the houses, however I wasn’t offered a bid. I don’t know if I should go through spring recruitment again because it feels as if the only one who wants me to join a sorority is myself!

A: Not so! There WERE several sororities who want you as a sister last spring, but you don’t want them in return! I honestly believe you are being a little bit picky. Every PNM likes certain chapters during recruitment, but many sororities are amazing when they’re putting on their rush “show.” That doesn’t mean they’re a good match for you. The less flashy chapters can be super nice too ~ but you have to give them a chance. I’m not sure what you’re looking for that you couldn’t find in the sororities who were still inviting you back last semester?

In ANY & ALL chapters you can find the following: 

  • Friends who become Sisters
  • Fun social events with fraternities
  • Fun social events with sisters
  • Interaction with other sororities in the Panhel
  • Activities with the entire greek community
  • Fundraising for good causes
  • Volunteering to help the less fortunate
  • Eating meals, living and laughing with great girls
  • Creating crafts, decor, themes, and other fun artistic projects
  • Recruiting new members 
  • Leadership opportunities
  • Learning, education, conventions, awards, etc…
  • Academic support 
  • Public relations and marketing experience 
  • Very meaningful rituals and ceremonies 
  • ETC… ETC…

In other words, every chapter does basically the same things. You can have the total greek life package in any of the sororities you are rushing. You can grow closer to your sisters, bond with members in other chapters via the Panhel Council and use your membership as a stepping stone to more involvement on campus. At some point, it’s in your best interest to join A chapter, if not your dream sorority. There is a big greek world waiting for you if you are a little more flexible. 

If I were you, I would prioritize and say “going greek” is more important than 2 years of repeated rushing to get the best/ideal sorority on campus. The sororities make the ultimate decisions, and they see you differently than you see yourself. The rush system works amazingly well. But compatibility is not always evident until a few months after bid day. You have to give a “nice” chapter a chance.

Perfection is impossible. Your continued search for it is stopping you from getting on with your sorority days. I hope you will rush one more time next spring and open your heart to a sisterhood where love can build. Blossom and grow with the sisters who invite you to be a part of their lives. xoxo ;)

"Better to do something imperfectly than to do nothing flawlessly." ~ Robert Schuller

"Too many people miss the silver lining because they’re expecting gold." ~ Maurice Setter

Hi SororitySugar, I'm in a bit of hard decision.I had plans on dropping from my sorority due to me joining the military in a few months, not getting the experienced that I had hoped for, and the cost of dues. My chapter had bid day today and seeing all the new girls that joined has my rethinking my decision of dropping. Just thinking about not meeting those girls makes me a bit upset about my decision and I don't know which to do. Any advice?

Asked by

Totally dropping your sorority is a HUGE decision and one you cannot come back from in most chapters. It is the most drastic step you can take. Sorority membership is a roller coaster ride of ups and downs, and just when you think you’ve had enough, you see all the happy faces of your sweet new members and it changes your heart! 

If there is any way you can manage the dues for a few more collegiate years, you will be an alum member for life. When you join the military, if it takes you off campus, maybe your dues can be adjusted. I don’t know your military schedule, but you should ask your chapter leadership about it. 

Each year in your chapter brings new opportunities and new adventures. If you can find a way to get more “out” of your chapter, you will be happier and more fulfilled. Membership doesn’t have to be the-most-amazing-experience-ever to be worthwhile, enjoyable and satisfying.

Make a list of 3 things you can do to elevate your experience this semester. If you are military minded you should relate to setting an objective and implementing the steps needed to reach your goals. Your mission is to target 3 areas that would make your membership more valuable. That might be taking a Little, joining a committee and attending more sisterhood socials for example. Then outline what you must do to reach those goals. See if making a dedicated effort will change your mind about totally disaffiliating. 

Also make a list of ALL the things you would miss if you departed. Your big, hanging out together, greek week, recruitment, spring formal, etc.. Include all the things big and small that you like about being in your sorority and the greek community. All that goes away if you drop out. Sometimes the smallest things are worth hanging onto. The pride in being greek, the commitment you made and the sisterhood you dedicated yourself to at initiation. Those principles mean more than the day-to-day routine of being a sister. Re-think, re-group and revive your sorority spirit! xoxo ;)

"For every disciplined effort there is a multiple reward." ~ Jim Rohn

"You’ve got to get up every morning with determination if you’re going to go to bed with satisfaction." ~ George Horace Lorimer

big/little problems: avoiding a family nightmare…

Q: It is almost time for me to pick my potential big. The sister that I absolutely adore is a junior and already has one little who is also a junior (she rushed her sophomore year). I have talked to both sisters- the big definitely wants to take on another little and is ecstatic over the fact that it could be me, but the little does not agree and does not want a twin. The little has even gone so far as texting me multiple times and telling me that I need to find someone else to be interested in and that I am wasting my time. Help!

A: Aghgghg!! WHY do Littles get so possessive about their Bigs? More often than not, having 2 littles is a fact of life in sororities. The numbers just work out that way. Or the chemistry between bigs and new members sparks and they want to pair up. When actives are recruiting, they are bound to make more happy matches. Sisters, PLEASE be kind, welcoming and remember your creed when it comes to family additions. There is no size limit on the number of wonderful friends a girl can have. New members need nice bigs. This is reality. The entire family can benefit from more lovin.’ 

Maybe you read my recent Q&A post on the best friend of a Big driving the Little completely away. In your case you are being forewarned. It will be no surprise if things go from bad to worse if you choose this big sister. The other Little is in the wrong and she is basically blackmailing you, but it is what it is.

You have a few choices, some better than others: 

  • Go ahead and request your favorite Big. If you are matched with her, prepare for battle. Things will be rough. Any girl who would text you multiple times trying to warn you off, is not going to go take it laying down. If you are determined and can weather the stress, drama and unhappiness ~ go forward. But it will not be warm and fuzzy ever. Go in with your eyes wide open.
  • Don’t list your favorite Big at all. Make sure you don’t get her as a big sister. Yes, you are being bullied and pushed away unfairly, but it’s your life and your peace of mind. If you want happier chapter relations, you may have to succumb to the pressure and look elsewhere. There are many, many other sisters who will be calm, kind and drama free partners. You don’t need the baggage that comes along with this one sister. It’s sad, but unless she suddenly stands up to her Little and stops the threats, you have all the writing on the wall you need for how your life will be in that family. 
  • Accept that even a random match would be preferable. If you’ve spent all your time focused on this one Big candidate, and you’re afraid you don’t have any other connections, it’s Ok. Frequently the surprise matches made by the chapter work out BETER than all the rest. Let fate take it’s course and accept the possibility of a new and exciting friend. I would prefer that to the nightmare you could get into. 

In all relationships, if you are hit up side the head with Red Flags, it pays to head them. Ignore them at your own risk. Even if you went to your chapter leadership and told them about the Little’s inappropriate threats, it would just cause her to get more vicious. I vote for choosing another big sister and then if you want to socialize with your friend you can. But you will not be in the crosshairs of the selfish Little. Life’s too short to start your sorority experience with that kind of nastiness. I know it’s unfair, but sometimes you have to take a different course because it’s the healthiest thing for YOU. xoxo ;)

"Master your choices, or become the slave of their consequences." ~ Michael Rawls

rush talk: how do I join a sorority?

Q: i think i may want to join a sorority but i have no idea how to go about it, what it entails, if i have to look a certain way (i’m overweight). I hear all these accusations and rumors and I tune them out because i hate judging things based on what others say and i really like the idea of having a strong bond with people and meeting new people and etc. I just am not sure if i can or what it entails…

A: I am so happy to hear that you don’t let other people’s biased opinions effect what YOU want to do. The negative comments you hear are from non-greeks who don’t even know what it’s like to be in a sorority. The best option is to make up your own mind. The way to do that is by participating in recruitment. Rush is the formal (or informal) way that greek organizations evaluate potential members and you evaluate the chapters to see who you both like. Chapters and PNMs screen for compatibility and hopefully a match will be made by the end of the week. You CAN find a home away from home with a loving sisterhood. There are all types of greek girls, so don’t believe the stereotypes you see in the media. 

Your first step should be to visit the Panhellenic Council and/or Greek Life website for your college. Also check out the Panhellenic and individual sorority websites and social media. There you will find lots of information about how to participate in rush. Basically you register, attend rounds where you talk with sisters, narrow down your choices and receive an invitation to join on bid day. You will be guided through the process every step of the way. So don’t worry about knowing everything in advance. Your recruitment counselor will help you with any questions. 

To start learning more about greek life in general… please visit the sorority sugar HOMEPAGE  and access the top navigation bar on my blog. There are links to FAQs, a Glossary of Terms and more for you to start learning. Information will help calm your nerves and make you feel more secure in taking the next steps. Start your journey now……. xoxo ;)

We are in the middle of recruitment and the app yik yak is causing some girls to drop out. Is there anything we can say to reassure them that it's not usually the girls in the houses? It's a nongreek or male student. I just want the girls to have the best experience they can.

Asked by

Yik Yak is a really unpleasant app that can be used for bullying, slandering, gossiping and outright lying by users conveniently staying ANONYMOUS! Anytime a site allows for total anonymous participation, the results will be negative. Users can say whatever they want to hurt people. Like in your case, the sorority trash talk could be coming from anyone with evil intent. 

I understand that posts can be removed and the user banned if enough “down” votes are entered on the offensive posts. One thing your chapter and the Panhellenic can do is to actively work to vote down the nasty comments. If everyone in the greek community banned together to stomp out this user, hopefully the cyber bullying would stop. 

I also suggest your chapter/Panhellenic make an announcement to all the PNMs about what’s happening. Explain loud and clear that the Yik Yak app cannot be trusted, the false rumors are coming from an Anon source who’s not even in a sorority, the claims are not true and please don’t base recruitment decisions on an unseen gossip. Whatever is being said should be addressed directly. If the user is claiming your chapter hazes, then counter it with the truth. If the creep says all the PNMs are fat and ugly, explain that no sister would ever say that! The FACTS and reality should be firmly presented to provide a counterpoint to the slander. TRUTH can prevail ~ IF it is shared with the PNMs effectively and immediately. Each Rho Gamma/Gamma Chi can address her PNM group with the proper information. Trying to ignore what’s being said doesn’t work. There must be an alternative “message” put out there.

It’s very sad to think PNMs would believe some idiot on an App over meeting all the greeks in person. Hard to believe they could be that gullible and not care about discovering the real story for themselves. I hope if your chapter fights back, communicates with the PNMs and presents the beautiful side of sisterhood, it will get through to the remaining girls. They are the ones you want to pledge anyway. The girls who dropped out over unfounded comments online are not your type. xoxo ;)

sorority Q&A: what to do about feeling hypocritical?

Q: I am having a really hard time with my chapter. I joined as a junior & constantly work hard to make connections with everyone. My big & I are close, but no one else. I am getting so horribly anxious for recruitment. I feel hypocritical telling PNMs to go Greek while feeling horrible while in it. I don’t want to drop because I know I’ll regret it, but I feel horrible about myself every time I’m around sisters. Its making me sick with stress & I really don’t know what to do. Thank you, love your blog!

A: Oh my! I am very sorry to hear this! Sorority membership should be relaxing and fun, not torture. I think most of the problems are in your head and I hope you can switch your thinking around. A brighter attitude is really what you need most! 

First of all, recruitment is NOT a form of misrepresentation or being hypocritical! Greek life is great for most members, even if you’re not having a blissful time. Telling PNMs that joining a sorority is terrific is true and honest for them. Don’t project your own negative perceptions onto them. Also, as you “sell” your amazing chapter to the PNMs, you will start to take pride in it too. There’s nothing like a vibrant formal recruitment to make you remember all the reasons you joined in the fist place. You will in essence be selling yourself on your own organization. Convince yourself as you convince others ~ it’s a win-win. If you become a top spokesperson for your sorority, magically you will start to feel much better. Revisit your creed. Relearn your chapter values. Reeducate yourself on what it means to be a sister. Approach rush as a “rejuvenating retreat” not a stressful punishment. 

As for your Big being your only friend, I think your goal this year should be to change that. Have a heart-to-heart talk with your Big (that’s what she’s there for) and tell her about your struggles. Why aren’t you socializing in a small group of friends? Why doesn’t she introduce you to more sisters? Seek her help ASAP. You are not meant to stand by and suffer alone. You don’t have to be friendly with everyone in the chapter. Set a goal of 2 new friends this year, or this semester. Baby steps. Hang out with your Big’s best friends, be proactive in making a friend at your class retreat, take a new Little, volunteer for one small job in the chapter, “do” something positive. Taking manageable actions to change your reality can make a huge difference. 

If this is your last year as an active, set some realistic goals, achieve them and you will feel more positive as you graduate. Gather the most pledges for your annual fundraiser, dance the longest in your marathon, or paint some decorations for the next social. Even if you don’t make a ton of new friends, you can elevate your mood by just doing things that you enjoy. Being generous with your time and talents is the best medicine of all. xoxo ;)

"Gray skies are just clouds passing over." ~ Duke Ellington

"It’s not whether you get knocked down, it’s whether you get up." ~ Vince Lombardi

big/little problems: being excluded by a dysfunctional family…

Q: I’m a sophomore this year and pledged my sorority a year ago as a freshman. I was so excited about the Big/Little relationship and spent a lot of time thinking about who I wanted as my Big. I ended up getting the Big I wanted, and a Twin I loved as well. Then, I noticed that my Big’s best friend, the Vice President of our chapter, treated me differently than other sisters. She would ignore me if I tried talking to her, would give me dirty looks, and would reject any step I took to develop a stronger bond.

Eventually, I confronted her with these feelings and, rather than her understanding my feelings, and trying to work it out, she sent me an 8 page text telling me how we didn’t need to be best friends just because we’re sisters and that she couldn’t stand how needy I was. Now, my Big and Twin hangout without me, take family photos without me, and don’t talk to me unless I come to them. My Big is actually a very sweet person and will talk to me if I make conversation with her, but it doesn’t feel like I am at all apart of this family.

Now that I am a sophomore and plan on taking a Little this Fall, I’m worried about my family dynamic. Should I confront my family AGAIN and ask them to make more of an effort, and risk making them even more mad at me? I almost want to disband from them and start my own family but I’m afraid that will cause even more drama within my sorority. Should I just ignore it and try to make my relationship with a future Little even better? I just worry my Little will also have to face her Grand Big favoring my Twin and her future Littles, and get shunned as well.
Please help, I feel so frustrated and lonely!

A: Sadly you were totally out-maneuvered by the jealous best friend of your Big. She was threatened by you and she effectively drove you out of the picture. Then she got the rest of the group on her side through her persuasive personality. You were no match for her power and influence on the others. If she’s VP of the chapter she certainly has a strong will and basically you were mowed down. Unfortunately the weaker personalities like your Big and Twin went along with it. That’s very sad. I understand your worries about bringing someone new into this family mix!

I strongly suggest you do NOT rehash the past unpleasantness. And please don’t abandon your family and cause more of a rift. There is no point. Your Big’s best friend lay claim to her territory and she won that battle. At least your Big and Twin still associate with you, when you make the effort. There is no point in bringing all the unhappiness up again.

Instead, it’s your turn to be charming and friendly. If I were you, I would welcome a new Little into the family, introduce her to everyone, socialize and carry on as if nothing happened. You still have your closest family relationships in tact, so time to revive them. Stand up for what’s rightfully yours with a big smile on your face. Let your new addition to the family tree add some spark to this dreary situation. 

Your personal challenge is to be less passive and more confident! The bully VP saw you as week and quickly dispensed with you. You don’t have to take that. No need for arguing, just start being very nice to your family again and repair the relationships with your Big and Twin via your new Little. This is a golden opportunity for a second chance. YOU take the initiative and invite everyone for a night out. YOU take photos and include them. YOU start having so much fun with your new Little that the group will be amazed. Quit sitting back and letting yourself be excluded. Make your own fun, hang out with other sisters, do your own thing, kill your family with kindness and let this year be the year you are pleasantly and politely assertive! It’s your greek life too. Don’t let others put you in a box! xoxo :)

Hi! What should one do if they really have their heart set on one sorority over another? Is there anything you can do to prepare more to help yourself appeal to your top choice? I really love adpi and I can't rush until spring but I want to start laying the foundation now. Please and thank you for your advice

Asked by

I highly recommend you keep an open mind and an open heart. It’s normal to have preferences, but you never really know what a sorority is going to be like until you meet them face to face. And even then, anything can happen during recruitment. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst in terms of your heart! A PNM who can adapt to the unexpected is the best prepared for recruitment. 

As far as appealing to your top choice, you shouldn’t try to change yourself in order to fit in. If you do, you may find yourself in a mis-matched chapter next spring. Only by presenting a “real” (but polished) image of yourself will you make a genuine sorority match. Authenticity is KEY. Of course you also look your best, make terrific conversation and highlight all your best points. At the same time. letting your true loving spirit shine through…. 

This fall semester you can get involved with a few other groups on campus, study hard and socialize when you can. Getting to know greeks is very beneficial for a spring rush. Many chapters will be scoping out the new crop of PNMs and you want to be on their radar ahead of formal recruitment. Go out, be seen, attend parties, work out at the gym, be active, etc… All of those things will help lay the groundwork for spring. Accept all invitations from greek girls and consider your entire first semester an “audition” for rush. The sisters are watching and actively checking out the PNMs, so always be on your best behavior. Spring PNMs have a longer evaluation process than fall PNMs do. So use it to your benefit, make friends and you will be in a stronger position come January. xoxo ;)

sorority Q&A: fitting back into a chapter…

Q: I knew I wanted to be a sorority woman early on, so I went through formal recruitment the fall of my freshman year, got a bid from my top house, and got involved. However a month later, I was severely injured, and had to have a lot of surgeries. I was initiated into my chapter while in a wheel chair. It was a mess, and I had to withdraw from classes fall and spring semester.

Now I’m back in classes & jumping through hoops to get involved with my chapter again, but I feel like no one wants me after being gone a whole year. What do I do? I hate being an outsider. :(

A: I commend you for overcoming your serious injuries and making a come back! I wish your sisterhood was more welcoming and considerate. I think you are having some difficulties because you were only involved for one month before you had your terrible problems. It was not really enough time to cement your place in the chapter. Your pledge class probably didn’t get to know you, or anyone else. Their lives went on full speed ahead. Sadly during your time away they all bonded and you were not there. Not your fault, it’s just what happened.

Now you are more like a new transfer student than a returning sister! I suggest you take it one day at a time. Proceed with lots of patience. Your sisters don’t mean you harm, they’re just busy, self-involved college students. You will have to make an extra effort in order to fit in again. Please look for ANY small volunteer positions you can take on. Apply for a semester position which includes lots of sister contact. Invite one sister out for coffee. You will have to start at square one and work your way up from there. Luckily, you just learned this skill during your physical recovery! Put the same practices to work with your sorority life. 

Don’t let your heart be filled with resentment. Focus on the joy of being back with your sisterhood. Become so involved that your sisters can’t help but take notice that you’ve returned 100%. Don’t hide in your room, feel shy, or unwanted. Proudly stride forward to reclaim your membership where you left off. BE the type of sister you always wanted to be. Time and dedication will create the bonds you are missing now. A new little wouldn’t hurt either! xoxo ;)

"Do a little more each day than you think you possibly can." ~ Lowell Thomas

rush talk: re-rushing with a positive attitude…

Q: I will be a sophomore and I went through recruitment last year but I ended up getting cut by all of the chapters before preference night. I am nervous about how to present it in a positive way when asked about why I am going through as a sophomore. The other thing is, all of my friends are involved in greek life and it is really hard on me when they all have parties that I can’t go to. What happens if I do not get a bid again? I just feel very left out.

A: There is a way to be generally honest during recruitment, but NOT negative about yourself. You don’t want to tell a sister, "I’m rushing this year because I bombed last year and all the sororities cut me, including your chapter." That may be brutally honest, but you must put a positive spin on your own PNM story. All you need to say, if someone asks, is that you weren’t really ready for greek life as a freshman, but now you are totally eager and committed to joining. Be enthusiastic, energetic and totally confident about re-rushing. Don’t act intimidated, ashamed. or beat down. The past is past. It’s a new day and a new recruitment. 

Also try your best to improve upon whatever you did last time that was not successful. If you were too shy and quiet, be more talkative this year. If you only talked about yourself, ask more about the sisters and their chapters. If you didn’t ask any questions, prepare some ahead of time. Change your approach for the better and you should find success.

You can also use your sorority friends to your advantage. Mention how they have served as role models for you. They are so happy being greek, you can’t wait to be a sorority sister yourself. Be your BEST self and don’t worry about things going wrong. Your mind should be completely in the moment and not anticipating failure. xoxo ;)

rush talk: how many tries to go greek is enough?

Q: I’m a junior this fall and I’ve done recruitment each of my previous semesters (we have informal rush). I’ve tried different sororities, but I’ve been told no each time. I have various disabilities and am very shy so I keep pushing myself; I’m also an only child, which may have something to do with why I want it so bad. My family wants me to stop trying, and I honestly don’t know what I want to do. What do you think? Thanks!!

A: I think if recruitment had worked out it would have been very nice for you. But at this point in time, and with the chapters on your campus, it may not be in the stars. A different college may have yielded different results. But you can only deal with what you have before you. And it just doesn’t seem like a match is going to happen. By now the sororities know you, and I don’t think anything will change this fall. 

There’s a big difference between being a quitter and knowing when to quit based on sound judgement. I respect your determination, but there is a point of diminishing returns. I think instead of continuing this path, you could happier spending your energy on joining other clubs. Ones that don’t have a competitive entrance requirements. There are many groups where you can just join and immediately start making friends. I advise that you adjust your journey towards a more receptive part of student life. I would rather see you spend your last two years on campus being productive, involved and welcomed, rather than frustrated and disappointed again. Everyone wants to belong. You need to refocus on where you can find that acceptance.

We ALL have limitations. I will never be a marathon runner, I can’t speak a foreign language, I stink at math and I get motion sickness very easily. So if I dreamed of being an astronaut, or winning the Boston Marathon, I will not be able to accomplish those goals. I could keep trying, but eventually reality sets in. My time would be better spent doing what I’m capable of ~ like blogging! Everything works better if you follow your interests combined with realistic goals. If one door closes, another one opens. Rethinking your opportunities is not the same as giving up. Go where the doors are open to you and blossom there instead of greek life. Your happiness is ultimately the most important ~ not a sorority chapter. xoxo ;)

"Reality isn’t the way you wish things to be, nor the way they appear to be, but the way they actually are." ~ Robert J. Ringer

"Change is often rejuvenating, invigoration, fun … and necessary." ~ Lynn Povich

What's the general process of informal recruitment? My school has deferred recruitment in the spring semester and I planned on waiting until then. But after meeting girls from one of the sororities and going to two events they've hosted (3 this Sunday!), I've realized that I really like these girls, the vibe everyone gives off, and what they stand for. So I'm thinking of rushing for them informally. But I don't know if there's a process I have to go through and my school doesn't have any info.

Asked by

Informal rush can be handled in several different ways. It ranges from a series of organized parties ~ to a personal connection with a sister and being casually asked to join. Usually there are a few informal socials and at least a minimal amount of structure to the process. I don’t know if the sorority you like is actually screening you for membership, and this is their fall informal rush, or if they are just socializing in preparation for next spring?? Colleges which have Spring formal recruitment often spend the first semester actively getting to know the PNMs via lunches, dinners and parties. It’s very relaxed, but they are scanning ahead of time for qualified PNM candidates. 

If what you are going through right now is actually “informal rush,” there should be publicity and information about it somewhere. For example, on the Panhellenic website you should see some details. A chapter will publish their event invitations under the title of COB (continuous open bidding) or informal recruitment. They don’t hide their intentions. So I am confused about exactly what’s happening at your school…….

Here are some tips for figuring it out: 

  • Ask one of the sisters you are friendly with exactly what the process is for joining. She should tell you ~ either they are recruiting right now informally, or you have to wait until spring. 
  • If you are a freshman, and you have deferred recruitment, you HAVE to wait until spring to rush. 
  • Older PNMs are sometimes recruited during the “alternate” semester from formal rush. So if you are a sophomore or older, you could possibly pledge now. Look for the final party to be ‘invitation only’ which signals the last evaluation during an informal process.

I have the feeling this sorority is just being friendly ahead of spring recruitment, and you will still participate as a PNM then. If so, look at the other chapters too and don’t limit yourself to just one. Keep this sisterhood in mind, but keep all your options open! xoxo ;)

I just transferred to a different university for my 2nd year and was excited that my new school has my sorority! However after a month with these girls (including rush and other activities) I still don't feel connected at all. The girls in my PC are all very cliquey (having known everyone for years) and not welcoming, but I like some of the older girls. I've been debating going alum and saving $ from not paying dues but I love being apart of my sorority and don't want to miss out! Any advice??

Asked by

Transfers are often difficult since all the other sisters already know each other and have formed their friend groups. And chapters differ from campus to campus in over-all personality. Since you have 3 collegiate years left, it would be really nice to participate instead of going alum. Here are some things to try:

5 Ways to Fit In as a Transfer Sister:

  • Find 1 thing you really want to get involved in. For example, dive into the recruitment committee, or the join the philanthropy group. Don’t try to conquer the entire chapter. Find 1 area where you can dedicate your efforts. Within that smaller sub-set of sisters, hopefully you can make a few closer friends. Divide the big chapter pie into 1 slice you can handle. 
  • Seek out the older girls especially. If the older girls are nicer, then spend as much time with them as possible. It’s Ok to pick and choose who you hang out with. I hope your pledge class warms up to you, but if not, you don’t have to keep hitting your head against the wall.
  • Take a little sister. A new little will help you become more integrated into the chapter. As a sophomore, you should be Big eligible. This fall can be a new start for you. See if you can be “adopted” by an existing family if your chapter does that type of thing. Getting a family line established is important for fitting in as a transfer sister. 
  • Use your membership for involvement outside your chapter. Instead of going alum, use your active status as a way to get involved with the Panhellenic Council. Use it to become a part of all-greek groups such as the Greek Week planning committee. Join an inter-greek sports team. Get active planning the Homecoming events. There are many ways to utilize your membership for “related” involvement. This will make you feel more connected and help you make new friends. Your standing as an XYZ sister opens many other doors at your college.
  • Run for office or apply for a position. If you are hesitant about campaigning and competing for a position, that’s understandable. But there are usually smaller jobs which are assigned by application or interview. Seeking one of these ‘lighter’ positions will increase your involvement and give you an excuse to connect with more sisters. For example, if you handled the sorority social media, marketing, bookkeeping, point calculations, or something similar, it won’t take too much time and it gives you a “reason” to communicate with sisters. Look for a niche that you can call your own. Being a greek company Campus Rep job is another way to interact with your sisters via hosting trunk shows or selling products. An official position makes transfer integration much easier. 

It’s going to take extra dedication on your part to find your happy place within the chapter. I wish your sisters were more welcoming, but eliminating your active membership isn’t the answer. Working hard to make things better will enrich your life so much more! Give 100% and see what happens. I think you will be rewarded with much more membership satisfaction! xoxo :)

Recruitment is this coming week, starting tonight, and my boyfriend and I broke up on Saturday. I feel absolutely awful. I know that I need to smile my way through this week and hopefully will come out on the other end with new sisters to have my back. Any advice on how to keep my chin up?

Asked by

I am so sorry to hear about your break up. Whenever you have to do something at a time when you feel emotionally sad inside, it’s tough to keep your chin up. I think the happiness and excitement of rush will immediately be contagious. The singing, chanting and loving attention that you will receive from all the sororities will definitely take your mind off your relationship woes. Enjoy the recruitment glitz and glam and let it sweep you away. Here are some additional ideas for getting through…….

♡ 6 tips for “faking it till you make it” during rush week: 

  • Do your very best. It may seem pointless to try extra hard when your heart it breaking. But by digging in and giving rush your ALL, it will actually make you feel better. By excelling as a PNM, you will prove to yourself that you are truly bright, attractive, lovable and worthy. Your self esteem takes a beating when a relationship ends and by being the very best PNM you can be, you will gain back some of your self-esteem.
  • Be grateful for what you do have. Even though you have suffered a loss, you can regain some positive thinking by making a list of all the amazing things you DO have in your life. Your family, friends, fabulous college, new dresses for rush, etc… Write down everything you love and all the benefits you have that make you grateful to be YOU. This will boost your spirits and make you more upbeat for rush too.
  • Smiles work miracles. Sometimes all you can do is smile. And that’s OK. If you smile and are polite to everyone you meet, you are on your way to charming the sorority sisters. Smile, smile, smile and soon your mood will rise to match. On the outside ~ look happy as can be (even if you’re still hurting on the inside.) Smile during the day, knowing you can cry a few tears at night if you need to. 
  • Good posture is important. When a girl feels unhappy, she tends to slump her shoulders and drop her head. You might feel like all you can do is drag yourself from house to house. This can’t happen during recruitment! Please be mindful of your posture at all times. Stand tall and literally keep your chin up. This will not only make you look better, it will help you feel stronger too. Confidence comes from standing proud.
  • Talk it out before recruitment. if possible, talk to your best friend or your mom in depth about what happened. Get it off your chest before rush. Don’t carry an extra burden around with you if you can avoid it. Let it all out. Cry and vent. Purge the worst feelings with your trusted friend or family member. This will lighten the emotional load on your heart. Leaving you a calmer, more sparkly PNM. 
  • Treat yourself extra well. You will be distracted by recruitment, which is a good thing. But you can also treat yourself to a few splurges at this sensitive time. The world won’t end if you drink a strawberry milkshake or buy a new blouse. Read an exciting thriller, buy some new music, indulge in your favorite chocolate dessert. in moderation, spoiling yourself with some treats you love can only help. Don’t feel guilty about it. 

One last bit of advice…. Some of the recruitment rounds can get quite emotional for the members. Especially Preference Night. You are already in a fragile state, so be careful you don’t start sobbing uncontrollably when a sister sheds a few tears. Your emotions are delicate right now, and you don’t want the sisters to think you are unbalanced. And please don’t share your personal heartbreak with the members either. Rush conversations should be light, bright and positive. It’s not the time to unburden your soul to strangers. When you are sisters it’s different. For now ~ try hard to keep your tears under control, even if they are triggered by a sentimental ceremony during the final round. xoxo ;)

new member Q&A: reality vs fantasy greek life…

Q: So I went through rush a few weeks ago, got dropped by all my top picks, but decided to stick through it to see if I changed my mind about the chapters I had left. I took a bid from one sorority, and while I did make friends in it, I don’t feel like I love it quite yet and it’s already been a couple of weeks. I’m trying to decide if I should wait longer until it gets closer to initiation to see if I do start liking it more, or drop now. I know I can re-rush next year but I’m scared it’ll be a waste of time if I go through and still find myself getting houses I haven’t been crazy about. Any advice?

A: How right you are! There are NO guarantees if you drop out and rush again next year, that your second time around will be suddenly superior. Some PNMs get better grades, join other clubs, become more outgoing and make a serious effort to be more desirable the following year. But I get the feeling you were NOT an “undesirable” PNM, you just didn’t make the match you hoped for. Next year you will be older, more difficult to place in a pledge class and all the sororities will know you dropped your first chapter. Personally, I wouldn’t want to go through recruitment again as a PNM unless it was a matter of life or death. It’s a very stressful event and as a PNM you have little control over much of what happens. 

There’s an old saying ~ "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush." Meaning, you have a perfectly good and decent “bird in your hand.” You’ve done it! A sweet sisterhood WANTED you when other chapters didn’t value you as highly. Do you wish to risk all that for the chance you might be invited to join a different sorority one day?  A sorority that already passed on you the first time? Please consider that love takes time to blossom, more than two weeks. And all it really takes for you to be happy is a few friends like you’ve already made! One or two nice sisters can make your entire experience rewarding.

I believe you just need to readjust your expectations to match reality after the ‘fantasy’ of rush week. When a new member comes back down to earth after bid day, it can be rather confusing. But please know that It’s perfectly normal to “like” your sorority, take awhile to make friends and worry about finding your niche. You don’t have to adore every aspect of your organization to have an amazing experience. Pick and choose what you do with your sorority. And relieve some of the pressure on yourself to be “in heaven.” 

I really hope you give it more time and more effort. You can make it work with the right attitude. You other alternatives of rushing again ~ or not being greek at all ~ are possible. But please don’t toss away a great opportunity with your current chapter unless it’s totally unbearable and a miserable mis-match. I honestly don’t think it is! xoxo :)

"Committing yourself is a way of finding out who you are." ~ Robert Terwilliger

"The relationship between commitment and doubt is by no means an antagonistic one. Commitment is healthiest when it’s not without doubt, but in spite of doubt." ~ Rollo May