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If I'm rushing at a commuter school (no dorming), do you think my experience will be vastly different? Or if the sorority is local vs national?

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Your sorority experience IS effected by things like living on or off campus. Or if the chapter has a sorority house or not. And yes, there are some important differences between local sororities and large NPC chapters. All of those things determine the quality and type of greek life you have.

But if you “click” with a sisterhood, you will make the particulars work out. Some chapters don’t have houses, some members commute and other challenges must be overcome depending on the sorority. With member’s love, loyalty and dedication they overcome the difficulties and make the best of their situation. With extra effort you can be a part of a wonderful sisterhood, even as a commuter. Look for the chapter you really like, and the rest will work itself out. xoxo ;)

Hi! I'm going to a Greek Opportunities Call Out meeting today for information of rush and I was wondering what to wear. I have an exam tomorrow so I'll attending the meeting in the middle of studying today. Would a long shirt, leggings, a vest, and riding boots be okay?

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That sounds perfectly fine. For a casual panhellenic session, it’s Ok to be “nice” and relaxed looking. You just don’t want to show up in torn sweatpants, a ratty tee shirt and sloppy slippers. There is casual and then there is scruffy looking. During recruitment time, there are always eyes upon you, so looking appropriately ‘collegiate casual’ should be your goal.

A PNM can look totally classy in the simplest outfit, (crisp white shirt and jeans for example), as long as she is tidy, clean and presentable. The on campus fashions that you described should be attractive and appropriate for your day of testing and the greek meeting. Have fun! xoxo ;)

✿ recommendation letter writing UPDATE! ✿

Since the sorority sugar Rec Letter Writers List was established several years ago, it was very hard to tell which letter writers were current or not. As I announced recently, I cleared the list and I would like to start fresh for 2015 recruitment recommendations. With Spring Recruitment starting in January, PNMs will want to make contact with volunteer letter writers very soon. 

✿ If YOU are an active or alum who would be willing to write Rec Letters for PNMs, please do the following:

  • Via the sorority sugar ASK, please volunteer and state your sorority and if you are Active or Alum. Your tumblr address/link will be used unless you request using an email. 
  • The ASK button is on my Homepage, right sidebar, below the last Ad. Or, you can add /ask to the sorority sugar HTML. 
  • Make sure your own blog ASK is functioning and you monitor your requests. 

✿ That’s it! I will place you on the Rec Letter Writers List. Keep in mind, the former list has been deleted, so if you were on it before, please submit your chapter and membership status again. I will be dating the list this time for better organization. Sorority smiles. xoxo ;)

Hi, I'm currently still in high school but I plan on joining a sorority once I go to college. Do you have any tips for rush?

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Please go to the sorority sugar homepage and browse the page links on the top navigation bar. There you will find several resources to help you start planning for your future recruitment. The Recruitment FAQ Page especially has lots & lots of tips for PNMs. There’s even a group of posts devoted to preparing in High School! The more you know in advance of college the better. Make wise decisions the next few years and you will be a picture perfect PNM when rush begins. xoxo ;)

In the beginning of this semester I rushed a sorority on campus and really felt a connection with the girls. But I didn't get a bid. Should I give up on that sorority or try again next fall?

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Other PNMs have joined a favorite chapter after several tries at recruitment. So never say never! At the same time, I would encourage you to keep your options open and rush other chapters too if possible. Depending on what the recruitment schedule is like at your college, you should participate whenever you can. Don’t wait a year just for one chapter. Keep exploring, keep being friendly and keep your heart open to every possibility. Many different chapters can give you the greek life experience you’re looking for, not just one. Fingers crossed your next rush will be THE one! xoxo ;)

"All respect comes from persisting to completion." ~ Melissa Lima

"Champions keep playing until they get it right." ~ Billie Jean King

I'm a high school sophomore and I really really want to rush a sorority when I graduate. The only thing that really worries me is that I will most likely not have any letters of recommendation because I don't know anyone who has been in a sorority before. How much weight do letters of recommendation hold in the process and how could I get them? Also, are letters of recommendation only written by alums, or can anyone write them?

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I am thrilled that you are interested in greek life and you’re already thinking about recruitment. Let me clear up a few things about rec letters….

Many PNMs don’t have close friends or relatives who are greek (I didn’t either), but in your town, your state and your region, there are greek members who can recommend you. The need for letters depends on your specific campus and what importance they put on recommendations. At some colleges they are an absolute must and other recruitments don’t require them at all. 

If you do need them, they are written mostly by Alumnae. Some chapters accept Active letters too, but some don’t. Each member writes to her corresponding chapter at your university. For example, a Kappa Delta woman writes to KD and a Delta Zeta sister writes to DZ. It’s a member to member arrangement.

For details on how to find letter writers when you don’t know any ~ please visit my Recommendation Letter Connection Page. I have lots of tips for networking to get the letters you need. It can be done, even if you ask strangers in your area to help. I would start asking your teachers, coaches, neighbors and others if they were in a sorority and keep them in mind for the future. I’m sure you will turn up a few greeks right in your own hometown! xoxo ;)

Hi! i made ADPi my preference at my school but I got my second choice that I did not click with at all (my RC told me to put a second choice down) and turned the bid but now ADPi is contacting me to meet their sisters. Am I eligible to do so since I turned down the other bid?

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Normally, if you go past the preference round and receive a bid (even if you don’t accept it) you have to wait 1 year to rush again. To avoid the waiting period, you must drop out of recruitment before the bids are extended. PNMs who drop during the middle of rush week can then participate in informal rush the next semester. But you proceeded all the way through the system and technically you should wait. 

I don’t know how strict your panhellenic is, so it may depend on what ADPi or you can “arrange.” I’m surprised they are contacting you right after NOT inviting you to pledge. That’s very odd. Maybe one or more of their new members have left and they suddenly have more openings. You are currently free of any chapter commitments, since you did not move forward with the other sorority. The only hitch will be the timing in accepting a 2nd bid so soon. xoxo ;)

Question! Panhellenic is this week at my school and I was perusing the tabs you have up top and I saw the term "suiciding". We have 2 national orgs to choose from and I really only want to join 1 of them. If I only put down the one I want to join, is that considered suiciding? My biggest fear is that if I put both, the one that I don't care for might choose me but not the one that I want. Does that make sense?

Asked by

YES if you put done only ONE choice after the preference round it is called “suiciding.” It doesn’t matter if you start with 18 chapter or 4, all PNMs narrow down to 2 choices for preference night (sometimes 3.) So every PNM is facing the same situation. By that point, most girls prefer one chapter over another. But the wise thing to do is to rank them in order, not write down just one.

Chapters do not like PNMs suiciding and it often works against you. Also, give the “other” chapter a chance if your recruitment hasn’t even started yet. If you let the system work, it has a way of placing PNMs like you in the right spot. But, if you are Ok with the possibility of NO greek life instead of your second choice sorority, then you can take the risk and list only one chapter. Sometimes it works out. But it’s a gamble. Be prepared for the worst and hope for the best. xoxo ;)

If I am a senior in high school and plan on rushing next year what should I be doing to prepare?

Asked by

I have several posts that can help you ~ 

• Preparing for Rush While in High School

• Top Tips for the High School Years

• Lay the Foundation for Recruitment While in High School

• Top 12 Ways to Tell if Greek Life is For You

These are from the sorority sugar Recruitment FAQ Page. When recruitment gets closer, there are many more links on the page for PNMs going greek. Do your best in HS and you will set yourself up very nicely for sorority recruitment. xoxo ;)

rush talk: boyfriend against PNM going greek…

Follower Follow-Up:

To the girl with the wanting to go greek, but her boyfriend doesn’t like it:

When my boyfriend and I first started dating the roles were reversed. He was super involved in Greek life and I was at another school that didn’t have it. I didn’t understand it. I knew it was really important to him and a big part of his life so I worked my hardest to understand it on a deeper level than the stereotypes and stereotypical ideas held about Greeks.

I fell in love with it! There were times where it was a little stressful and hard to handle. But to make it work, means the other person has to support, communicate, and want their significant other to be happy. Holding someone back from experiencing things and being involved in something bigger than them is selfish and insecure. Controlling is not healthy and not ok. Respect and communication is the key to a good relationship.

Talk to him about why you would want to rush and why you feel it’s hurtful for him to be unsupportive and threatening of the relationship. Don’t miss out on life because of a guy who thinks he can tell you what to do and threatens to leave you.

submitted by: beautifulmess23

What kind of things should I put on a resume that I'm going to give someone who will be writing me a rec letter?!

Asked by

PLEASE visit my Recommendation Letter Connection Page for ALL the details and instructions for what to include on your PNM resume! You want to include your complete profile, so a letter writer has plenty to work with. Also, if they don’t know you well, or they haven’t seen you in a few years, it’s the best way to reintroduce yourself. xoxo ;)

I went to rush orientation last night and I thought it would ease my nervousness a bit, but it only made things worse. I found out that you can go through the whole rush process and still not get a bid, even if you get invited back to three pref parties. I'm really worried about not getting a bid, because being in a sorority is really important to me. The first round starts in two days, so could you give any last minute advice that would help me optimize my chances of getting a bid?

Asked by

While it’s possible to not get a bid at the end of recruitment, it’s unlikely. If you have several good choices on Pref Night, the odds are totally in your favor to receive a bid. More often a PNM drops out of rush because she doesn’t like her choices. At your orientation, they were just being completely straightforward with the PNMs. But you can’t dwell on the "worst case scenario" or you will be a nervous, depressed wreck all week! The sky may also fall in, but you can’t go around worrying about it. If anything, the competitive nature of rush should motivate you to tray your best and shine your brightest!

I think in your case controlling the negatives is most important. Please keep these things in mind ~ 

  • Don’t be desperate! If being in a sorority is SO important, you need to control your earnings and not appear too desperate. If sororities feel you are manic about joining, it will be a turn off. You must be enthusiastic, but cool and calm at the same time. 
  • Don’t think of the worst. If you focus only on the terrible things that could happen you will be a nervous, anxious PNM. Please push the fears out of your mind and give recruitment your best efforts. You can’t control everything. Some things you have to let go, leave it up to God or fate, and roll with the punches. A happy attitude during the week is a must. 
  • Don’t be something you’re not. In your panic, don’t try to “out smart” the system, pretend to be something you’re not, or mold yourself to fit certain sororities. This will only lead to disappointment or a mis-matched bid. The best way to face the challenges of rush week is to sparkle as your BEST self in every way. Only by being authentic and genuine can you make the RIGHT match on bid day.

Also, please visit the sorority sugar Recruitment FAQ Page where I have LOTS more posts about handling PNM nerves, tips for success and additional advice! I know you will have a wonderful experience and I wish you all the best luck. xoxo ;)

"The keys to patience are acceptance and faith. Accept things as they are, and look realistically at the world around you. Have faith in yourself and in the direction you have chosen." ~ Ralph Marston

rush talk: boyfriend vs recruitment…

Q: My boyfriend is basically considering breaking up with me over joining a sorority. I haven’t rushed yet; in my college we have spring rush. Is it possible for a long distance relationship to survive while being in a sorority?

A: Social sororities ARE social. There will be mixers, swaps, exchanges, formals, semi-formals and many other events that involve male-female interaction. Not to mention day to day contact with fraternities. There are also lots of gamedays, fundraising, trips, greek competitions, musical productions, etc… The greek world is filled with both sexes and lots of fun things to do together! 

Your boyfriend must be worried about you attending parties and meeting other guys. But you will be exposed to males in college anyway. Right now you could hook up with a guy from your dorm, your classes, other clubs, the local pub ~ anywhere! Sorority membership may increase your social schedule, but it doesn’t have to lead to switching boyfriends. Loyalty is loyalty no matter what organizations you belong to. Many sisters have boyfriends either at their university or long distance. They still get tremendous value out of their sisterhood and philanthropy. Dating and partying is only one part of membership. 

I would be quite concerned about a boyfriend who doesn’t respect your interests and threatens to leave you if you take a positive step to join a respectable chapter. If you are joining just to meet new guys, or just to get drunk, he might have a point. But I doubt that’s your motivation. Your relationship should be solid enough that you both can enjoy your college days and not cheat on each other.

That said, most high school couples eventually part ways in college. You’re young and there are many new adventures awaiting you. It’s very difficult to keep a long distance romance going, while making the most of your university days. If your boyfriend can’t accept your choices in life, then he may not be the guy for you. I think you should follow your heart, and if you and your guy are meant to be together it will work out. Some couples get back together after college. That could be a real possibility for the two of you.  

It is possible to make it work with a boyfriend at another school, and you can too, IF your partner is willing to listen, trust and support you in your decisions. I would hate for you to miss out on many empowering opportunities, lifelong sisters, security on campus and good times, because your boyfriend is possessive. It’s your life, your friendships and your activities for the next four years. Think long and hard about what YOU want out of your years as a collegiate. And please don’t let anyone dull your sparkle! xoxo ;)

Hello! I've been reading your blog for the past month but my rush starts on Friday and I want to know what tips you have for someone as a transfer student and a little older than most PNMs. I would say the average age is 17-19 and I am 24.

Asked by

Fitting in with the general age range of the PNMs is probably your #1 goal. The sororities need to see that you can blend in with their potential pledge class. Chapters often make decisions based on how the new members go together, not just as individuals. Compatibility, flexibility, energy and enthusiasm are all things the sisters will be looking for in an older PNM. As long as you have a positive spirt and a willing attitude, you will be on the right track.  

You will be competing against the other older PNMs, not the freshman, so keep focused on what you bring to each chapter and don’t worry about what the younger girls are doing. Your added maturity and experiences should give you many favorable points. Hopefully you will find a beautiful sisterhood who will appreciate the wonderful older PNM that you are. I wish you all the best! xoxo ;)

i'm still sort of lost on the letter of rec process. so lets say my mom was a zeta tau alpha, can she only write a letter to zta, or is her letter applicable to any chapter i'm rushing? thanks!

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Sorority alums and actives ONLY write letters to their corresponding chapters are your college. ZTAs write to the ZTA house, Sigma Kappas write to Sig Kap, etc… They are recommending you for membership based on the qualities each sorority looks for in a new sister. So only a KD will know what KD’s prefer. It’s a “member’s only referral system.”

That’s why it can be challenging to find letter writers for every sorority on campus. Each chapter needs a sister to write to them exclusively. And don’t forget to list your legacy status for the sorority your mom was in. That is another very nice PNM benefit. xoxo ;)