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my freshman year I wanted to be in this sorority so bad, but I didn't get a bid from them. after bid day was over, I got contacted by one of the members and they told me I "slipped through the cracks" and should've been in the sorority. (what does that even mean??) My sophomore year I rushed again & made it into the sorority. But I know there were girls who had voted me 'no' during voting but I still got in. Is it weird that i sometimes feel like i don't belong because of those girls?
I am sorry you had so much trouble going greek! The first attempt sounds really odd. But at least you ended up pledging. Some sororities require a unanimous vote for each PNM and others don’t. The fact that you didn’t get 100% of the votes does not make your membership any less valid. I’m sure there are many sisters who are in the same situation. If your sorority has majority rule, or a committee votes on the new members, it’s totally Ok. That’s the policy in your chapter, so there is nothing to feel bad about.
That said, you should NOT have been told specifics about your vote for receiving a bid! That was confidential and happened when you were a PNM. That kind of “insider” info would make any sister feel uncertain and insecure. it does not need to be shared. I hope you tell your chapter leadership about how this knowledge makes you feel. The policy of telling new members who did & who didn’t vote for them should be changed for other PNMs joining. No one needs to know about their own vote. Or how many sisters were against you. Yikes! That’s no way to feel safe and loved inside your sorority. Please see what you can do to implement a CHANGE, so this doesn’t happen to another girl.
But since that’s the way your chapter votes, then you must accept it and not allow any weird feelings to get in the way of your happiness. Put the “how” you pledged aside and focus now on all the ways you can experience the best of our sorority. Don’t look back any longer. It doesn’t matter if you squeaked by, or had a landslide of votes. You are IN and proud and you have so much to offer.
This fall start doing things for your sorority which make you feel better about belonging. Prove you are a valuable asset to your organization. Not just for the sake of your sisters, but to prove your value and superior skills to yourself. They are LUCKY to have you. Now make your remaining years in the chapter really count for something! It’s your time and your life! xoxo :)”
"Each of us makes his own weather, determines the color of the skies in the emotional universe which he inhabits." ~ Fulton J. Sheen
The term pledge can fallen out of favor and is now “new member” but the concept is the same. You “pledge” to complete your chapter education, honor the sorority’s principles, participate in chapter activities and one day become an initiated sister. There will be a pledge pin ceremony which celebrates your decision to become a sister. After accepting your bid card, you are not “just a pledge” ~ you are a beloved new member, baby, little hootie, and all the other sweet names chapters call their pledges. You will be spoiled, honored and adored. You will be matched with a older sister who will help guide and advise you. Lots of bonding goes on when you first join a sorority. You are “officially” in, there’s just a 2-step process to realizing full membership.
The time period before initiation varies by chapter, but it’s about 1 semester long on average. Usually 3-4 months. During this time you must learn all about chapter history, the founders, the greek alphabet, participate in new member socials and meetings, attend chapter meetings and events, volunteer, fundraise and other requirements. There’s lots of learning to be done before making your lifelong commitment to the sorority!
When you complete all your education, then you will participate in an initiation ritual which makes you a bonded sister for life. Once you know the chapter’s secret rituals, you cannot join another NPC chapter. Up until initiation, you are able to drop out and be free to rush again. The new member period allows for girls to depart if they find the sisterhood is not right for them. That’s another benefit of having a pledge period. There are several months to decide if a chapter is right for you before making a 100% commitment.
The initiation ritual is very meaningful when you know what it all means. You need the information behind all the symbolism. That’s what the new member months are for ~ learning ALL about your wonderful new sorority! xoxo :)
I am sure you will be paired with a big who loves and wants you for a little. It’s very unlikely that you will be matched with a reluctant big sister who doesn’t care about you! The odds of that happening are slim to none. The more likely scenario is that you have seen so much big/little loving online, that your standards will be sky high!
I strongly advise you to keep your expectations in control. Extreme expectations for a magical over-the-moon big/little relationship is difficult for any mere moral big to live up to. If you are anticipating 500 splashy gifts and crafts, and all you get is a cupcake and a picture frame you are setting yourself up for disappointment in a major way. Please enjoy all the big/little sugar on my blog, but when the time comes for your “real life” friendship give your new big a chance.
A kind, sweet sister is all you need for a meaningful big/little experience. And that’s what you should be in return. Don’t measure your big’s worth by the number of gifts she gives or how much money she spends. If you bond with a high quality sister, who you enjoy and who has your back, it means more than 20 tee shirts. When you join a sorority, BE the best new member you can, and you will attract a superior big. Every relationship takes two. So be likable, loyal, decent and giving. You should get the same in return! xoxo :)
"Getters don’t get—givers get." ~ Eugene Benge
chapter idea file ~ new member retreat canvas painting party! ❥
I have been talking to one of my friends who is very interested in joining my sorority lately and I really think she is going to do it this fall. I almost want to be her big, but would it be better for her to have another person as a big who she doesn't already know that well, so they could spend more time together getting to know each other? I'm just unsure about that...
I suggest you wait and see how things play out. If your friend becomes extra close to a sister during rush, then it may become obvious who her big should be. But if she doesn’t have an extra special someone, then you can certainly step in. Sometimes “stranger” bigs don’t really work out. So I would advise against that. It’s a big risk, just for the sake of trying something new. I think you would be a better big than a girl she doesn’t know at all.
Keep an eye on how her relationships develop (should she pledge your chapter) and determine what’s in her best interest when the time comes. It’s nice to have an old friend as a potential big and back up if needed. She may even strongly prefer you to be her big. Her preference should be taken into account too. On the other hand, a new friendship could blossom, and you should then step aside. Play it by ear and do what’s BEST for your dear friend. xoxo ;)
Q: What are some clothing basics every sorority member should have?
A: Since sororities are all about being sociable, fashions are required for many different of events. Here are some basics most chapters require:
❀ Building a Stylish Sorority Wardrobe: ❀
- One of the first things many chapters require is a white dress for your pledge ceremony, new member events and initiation. A white dress is a must for most sororities!
- After you are initiated, you will most likely need a classic black dress too. Black dresses are worn for rituals and recruitment. Almost every chapter wears black for their dressy special events.
- Some chapters focus on their specific sorority color for special occasions. For example, if you are an Alpha Phi you will need a red dress and frequently Kappa’s wear blue frocks. These special colors will be worn for recruitment, chapter portraits and events such as Red Dress Gala.
- Recruitment wear is a must for the years you are in the sorority. There may be specific requirements such as colored jeans and white tops, white shorts, matching dresses, matching skirts and other apparel purchased especially for rush. Even if your chapter doesn’t dress alike, you will need ‘nice’ dresses and separates for recruitment events.
- Social wear is something you need when your greek life begins. There will be semi-formals, fraternity cocktail parties, weekend trips, luncheons and chapter celebrations which require cocktail dresses. A collection of classic, sunday brunch, dressy dresses are a must.
- Formal fashions are also important. A sorority girl will attend her own chapter formal and probably several fraternity formals each year. Having some long gowns, or fancy short dresses, in your wardrobe is an excellent idea. Sisters can swap dresses for formal events to save money.
- At most universities, gameday wear is very important. Sorority sisters dress in special gameday dresses, school colors, or preppy dresses appropriate for tailgating and attending the game. Chevron print shifts and cowboy boots is a favorite combination. Chapters will have sorority buttons printed to wear with your gameday fashions. It’s a fun look for pre-parties and going to the game together as sisters.
- Casual wear that’s a step above a pair of norts and a greek tee shirt is a necessity. There will be greek events that call for ‘nicer’ casual clothing such as white shorts, colorful shirts, sundresses, cute skirts, nice jeans, pretty blouses, jackets, sweaters, etc… Fundraisers, panhellenic events, parent’s weekends, tabling, greek socials and lots of other campus activites are examples of times when you will dress a little better than sweatpants or leggins.
- Costumes are a must for themed exchanges. When you go away to college, it’s a good idea to pack a few costume basics that you can work with for greek life theme parties. Animal accessories, tropical prints, school girl uniforms, flower power and western apparel are all common mixer themes you are sure to encounter. Costumes for big/little reveal are also a possibility. Be prepared to create some costumes while on campus as well.
- Greek wear is something that’s required of members for chapter events, so look forward to buying lots of sorority tee shirts, tanks, sweatshirts, jerseys and more. Some tee shirts are mandatory and others are purchased because you can’t get enough of your amazing sorority sugar. You will also collect shirts for formals, greek week, derby days, greek fundraisers, fraternity events, recruitment, graduation and more. Greek stitch letter shirts are another important part of a sorority girl’s wardrobe. By the end of college you will have enough greek tees to make several tee shirt quilts!
- You will need shoes for all of your different greek events. Beyond flip flops, the basics include: nice sandals (like Jack Rogers), ballet flats, loafers/boat shoes, leather boots, athletic shoes, medium heels and high heels. Many chapters wear nude pumps with their recruitment dresses and they are very versatile for sorority events. A classic pair of nude pumps is a good investment.
- Jewelry and accessories can be simple, versatile and go from event to event. On my list of sorority appropriate accessories are: a good quality handbag, a good quality tote bag for laptop and books, I.D. wristlet, cute crossbody bag, statement/bubble necklace and several pairs of pretty earrings. Necklaces, rings and bracelets are perfect for greek designs! When you join a sorority, these pieces will probably ‘go greek.’
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After you rush as a freshman, if your college has sorority houses, do you keep living in your assigned freshman dorm room or do you move into the sorority house, or how does that work? Thank you!
It all depends… Some sororities have new members move in right away, but many chapters postpone living in the house until your sophomore or junior year. They each have their own policies regarding living in the sorority house. Most likely you will stay in your dorm the first year and then make a change later. xoxo ;)
Hey there! I'm a founding sister and this fall we do our first formal recruitment. I desperately want a little, and scared since there's 70+ girls without littles who want one as well, and only 40 or so to go around. What tips do you have for putting myself out there to our new pledges?
Sometimes there aren’t enough littles to go around and it can be disappointing for potential bigs! The action really starts during recruitment. That’s your first opportunity to meet all the candidates for future littles. Be outgoing, super friendly, warm and welcoming during rush, so you make as many strong connections as possible. Get ahead of the pack by being a super recruiter. If you bond with lots of sweet PNMs, one of them could be your extra special little one day.
After bid day, continue to cultivate the favorite friendships you made during recruitment. Be assertive and ask new members to socialize, attend parties, have dinner, go to chapter events together, etc… Draw your fave new girls into your core group of active sisters. I would suggest you focus on several specific new members to give yourself a few options. Pick the most likely candidates and shower them with love. Don’t act desperate, but don’t sit back and wait either. You must extend the hand of friendship and be proactive in developing some special relationships. “Courting” a potential little takes effort. Being passive, and just keeping your fingers crossed, won’t work if the sisterhood competition is stiff.
When big/little assignment time arrives, you want the chapter to know that you and _____ or _____ are such a cute pair, you naturally go together better than anyone else! Build these types of bonds early on and it will help you when matchmaking happens. By making your top choices visible to the chapter, they will immediately think of your favorite picks ~ rather than wonder who in the world they should match you with. Or worse, you’re invisible, and they leave you out entirely.
Ways to bond with new members after bid day:
- Personally welcome all the new members on their Facebook pages right after bid day.
- Tailgate & attend football games together.
- Invite your fave girls to some fraternity parties.
- Eat together on campus.
- Offer to help with things freshman need to know/do.
- Sit by your fave new girls at chapter meetings.
- Volunteer to help with new member events and meetings.
- Ask your fave girls to grab a coffee, yogurt, or piece of pizza.
- Invite your targeted little candidates to socialize with your group of closest sisters.
- Help with the new member retreat.
- Offer academic study help to new members.
- Help your fave new members with costumes for the first theme exchange of the year. Go together.
- Randomly leave a little “thinking of you” treat in your potential little’s room.
- Comment on your closest new member’s social media sites. Like their posts and become a part of their circle of friends.
- Show interest by inviting a special new member to a concert or other special event on/near campus.
These are just a few ways to show how much you care and express your interest in the most compatible new members. Once you get started, you will naturally find more ways to bond and connect. Share fun experiences together, laugh often and make memories. You are sure to build a lasting relationship and hopefully become big/little one day! xoxo :)
After you receive a bid, you are welcomed to the chapter as a “new member” or “pledge.” You immediately start attending meetings, socials and events with your pledge class and the entire chapter. Right away you are a part of the group. You would have to do something very bad to have a bid revoked. If you acted totally out of control and violate the sorority standards of behavior, it would be possible for you to be asked to leave or seriously discipled. But usually new members are on their best behavior and this does not happen.
The sorority will not just change it’s mind and take back a bid on a whim. The entire chapter voted on your membership and each new sister is hand-picked to join. The first few months are filled with happiness and excitement. You will get a big sister, learn all about greek life and chapter history and move forward to full initiation. As long as you follow the rules and behave normally, you will certainly cross the finish line with your class. xoxo ;)
Since ALL initiation traditions are very private within each chapter, I can’t give too much advice on it. Initiation is the most secret of all greek life. I’m sure your week will be filled with sentimental surprises, meaningful events and heartwarming experiences. I don’t know why you would be nervous about it? You should be overjoyed to finally be reaching the initiation finish line and thrilled to take the next step in your sorority life. I believe your week will be positive, not threatening in any way.
I can’t speak for the private practices of every chapter, but I honestly don’t think you will have to “survive” initiation week. You should enjoy it and probably shed a few happy tears. At least I hope this is the way it will go! xoxo ;)