Q: We just had spring recruitment and one of our new members is posting about engaging in illegal activities on a social media site. The other sisters don’t see it as a problem because her profile is private but I feel like it gives our chapter a really bad name, especially since there are many people following her that aren’t sisters and she put our sorority name in her username for the media site. Am I being paranoid? I feel like I’m the only one bothered by this. Help?
A: this new member is not getting off on the right foot, is she? i think you are in the right, since people do follow her and read about her bad behavior. it’s not private if a bunch of people see it every day! “you are always wearing your letters” applies to new members too. so she is not representing your chapter in a good light at all.
just because you are the only one bothered, doesn’t make you wrong. most girls don’t want to rock the boat or appear to be a goody-two-shoes. but i think someone in your chapter need to reign this in. sororities don’t need worse reputations on campus!
maybe there is a way to talk with this pledge heart to heart and ask her nicely to stop posting about her illegal behavior. if she is especially close to one sister, ask her to have the conversation. the new member should know what’s at stake. it would be nice if she just stopped (doing illegal things & bragging about) ~ instead of getting her in trouble with the chapter. but if it gets worse, i would take the issue to standards. she may not be active material! xoxo ;)
Q: Over the last two weeks my friends and I have gone through sorority recruitment. They both got bids at the sorority we had all wanted and I did not. I have since been pledging at a different sorority but I am plagued by the what ifs, and am finding it hard to connect to the girls in my pledge class as they were not the ones I expected. Do you have any advice or suggestions? Thanks! xo
A: this is exciting ~ not a negative! one of my #1 mottos is: “you can never have too many friends!” you have been blessed with an ideal opportunity to create a set of girlfriends. you will still have your “old” friends in greek life, plus the added bonus of branching out socially with your new sisters. it’s a win-win!
it’s rare that three friends rushing together would all pledge the same house. everyone has a different personality and you will be a better fit in the chapter you pledged. recruitment, as well as life, never goes as we expected. success comes from adapting to the curve balls that are thrown our way. adjusting to unexpected events is a must for your happiness.
tips for making it work ~
- give it TIME! not all relationships bloom instantly. you need time to accept what happened and get your balance within the chapter.
- embrace the NEW! change is challenging, but it is also exciting. new horizons are what makes life interesting.
- trust the PROCESS! you would not want to be in a sorority that didn’t offer you a bid. look again at the chapter which wanted you to be their sister. they wanted you specifically.
- relax your EXPECTATIONS! give your new & different sisters a break! they may, or may not, end up being lifelong friends, but they definitely need a chance to shine and get to know you too. don’t limit yourself to your pledge class, there is entire sisterhood to bond with.
- get greek INVOLVED! if you still miss your old friends, get involved in your panhellenic council, and stay connected with their chapter too. maybe you can all work on a greek fundraiser together. you can have friends in every chapter, even though you belong to just one. this is just the beginning of your total greek experience… xoxo ;)
Q: I have a question about big/little… I wasn’t planning on taking a little this semester, but we got a few new girls a couple weeks ago and I really click with one of them, and I’d love to have her as my little. The only problem is that I’m pretty sure my twin wants her as her little also, so I’m not sure what to do. Ultimately, I know it’d be up to the little to decide, but I’m still unsure. Any advice? Thank you!
A: you should express your interest and let it be know that you would like this new member for a little, but do it in a way that does not offend or compete with your twin. you never know what she will decide, you don’t know what the new little will decide ~ there are too many question marks ?? right now. you can’t predict all the possible outcomes in advance.
so… keep it simple. confidentially put your name in the hat and let the situation play it’s self out. don’t push, don’t blab about it, just quietly do what you need to to, without stepping on any toes. it’s not worth an emotional upset with your twin. let fate decide. xoxo ;)
follower follow up ~
This is in response to yesterday’s post “new member problem”: A similar thing happened in my chapter, and she ended up being my Little. All of sorority sugar’s suggestions are perfect, but just know that you also need to consider the other option: in my Little’s case, we terminated her pledgeship, because her reputation hadn’t improved and she didn’t click well with the chapter. If there is no way the chapter will accept her, don’t string her along, it’s not fair to her.
sorority sugar ~
thank you so much for sharing your experience! it may be hard to cut someone, but if it’s a mis-match that never works, it may be the only solution…. <3
Q: I’m in a non-Panhellenic Greek organization that just finished its spring recruitment week at my school. During the final deliberation round when we were voting on the girls to admit, we ended up with mixed feelings about one of the girls, but still ended up letting her in anyway.
My main concern though is that even though the majority won, the vote was not unanimous. Some of my sisters have told me that they feel negatively about the decision. I worry that things could potentially end up getting ugly. Obviously since we’ve already decided to give her a bid, the sisters who don’t agree, must at least accept the fact that we are welcoming her into our sisterhood. I’m concerned that one of the members who voted “no” may treat the new member badly. It could become an incredibly toxic environment. Is there any way we can get the nay sayers to come around?
A: i feel sorry for the unsuspecting new member! it’s not her fault that your chapter was undecided on her membership. since majority rules in your sorority, ALL the sisters must accept this situation. this can’t be the first time the vote has been split.
i would recommend taking these steps to nip any problems in the bud ~
- your chapter leadership needs to firmly remind everyone about how your chapter votes on new members, and what behavior is expected of them after the voting. anyone violating the rules will be disciplined.
- without ever letting the new member know about this, have her big encourage this new girl to be her BEST self now that she is in the chapter. for example, if the sisters who voted “no” didn’t like her heavy partying, make sure she straightens up. whatever the issue was for the nay sayers, correct it! being a wonderful sister will go a long way to winning over the entire chapter.
- make sure her new big is protective, and keeps an eye out for any bad behavior from your other sisters. she needs to be a “big with a backbone”, and actively involved in chapter life, not an absent sister.
- if you see any evidence of negative treatment, please report it to your leadership and/or advisor immediately. no one should be hazed or treated poorly in a sorority. this new member deserves better.
- speak up and encourage your sisters to please “give her a chance”. if everyone will cool down and keep an open mind, i am sure this will blow over. time heals all wounds. fingers crossed that this new member blossoms in your sisterhood and the vote will be soon forgotten.
Q: What happens if you love, love, love your sorority, but you’re thinking of transferring colleges for personal reasons (i.e. to be closer to a sick loved one) before you can initiate? I’d only be gone for a semester or something.
A: if you leave a sorority chapter before you can initiate (for whatever reason) you will need to wait 1 year, and then you can rush again. from your message it sounds like you may be transferring schools, then transferring back again! that will be a very challenging. my suggestion would be to do whatever you can to become an active member in your chapter BEFORE you transfer. that would solve a lot of problems. once you are initiated then you are a member for life!
if you must leave before your initiation, then you will be “free” to rush again on your new campus. or you can go through recruitment again on your original campus, if and when you return. as just a “pledge/new member” you are not permanently tied to your organization, which can be good or bad, depending on your situation. i hope it all works out for you! xox ;)
welcome to greek life!!
i of course say “go for it”! it would be a fabulous opportunity to meet more sisters, show your leadership abilities, enrich your pledge period, etc.. just make sure you can balance your time between your new chapter, new social life and your academics. if you can swing it, you have nothing to loose by running for office and hopefully serving!
- be sincere
- be enthusiastic
- be positive
- be level headed
- show your talent for leadership
- gracefully accept the outcome of the vote either way
xoxo sorority smiles ;))
all the excitement, all the singing, all the tears have lead to you accepting a bid from the sorority of your dreams. there’s bound to be a little post-rush let down. you may ask yourself - what’s next?
TOP 10 THINGS TO DO AFTER JOINING A SORORITY:
- exhale ~ you did it!!!! all the preparation, worry and expense was worth it. you’re IN-IN-IN!
- phone home ~ call your mother immediately and thank her for raising you right.
- take it slow ~ soak up the sorority “honeymoon period” when everyone is still feeling euphoric, and charming and giving. no need to rush back to reality.
- tread lightly ~ don’t blast your way into an established chapter. there is a hierarchy and the older girls have seniority. pay respect to that.
- don’t be a know it all ~ you are a new member - enjoy the spoiling. there will be time for leadership later.
- bond ~ get to know your pledge class first. they will be your buddies for the next 4 years.
hearty easy ~ first impressions are lasting. september dunken embarrassments are a no-no.
- keep an open mind ~ even though you’re in, there may be things you discover about your new sisterhood that you weren’t expecting. don’t panic. take time to work through the inevitable surprises.
- keep those grades up ~ it’s so easy to go “wild” at first, with all the social temptations being thrown your way. make academics a priority, or you won’t have a sorority to party with!
- embrace your greekness ~ be a participant. you joined to be an active part of your organization and the greek community - so live it! don’t complain about meetings or philanthropy hours. join in, do what’s expected, step-up, and love every minute of your special sisterhood.