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Hi! I'm not sure if you remember, but last fall I had messaged you about how I was upset about not getting into my first choice house. I figured I would give it a try, and I'm so glad I did! I met my best friend last year on Bid Night, and this year I was chosen to write & read a letter on preference night! I never thought I would feel at home with this chapter, now I can't imagine my life without these girls.

Asked by
trippingxeyes

❤ THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKIN’ ABOUT!!!!!!!!!! ❤

THANK YOU for sharing your sorority success story! I hope every PNM reads it and takes it to heart!! ❤ XOXO

What would happen if I rushed a sorority at my current school then transfered to another school? I dont think this will happen but this may make me want to wait for spring recruitment

Asked by
frenchksses

If the school you transfer to has the same sorority, then you can transfer your membership to the other chapter. If they don’t have your sorority, then you would be out of luck. You would need to go “early alum” or a similar inactive status (depending on chapter membership policies.) You can’t participate if the new school doesn’t have your organization. Ideally you transfer to a college with your sorority and there is no problem at all. Transfers are very common. xoxo ;)

Hi! I'm going to be rushing this fall, and before I found sororitysugar, I was directed to that website greekrank, which I now know is mostly false and should be taken with a grain of salt, if anything. However, many of the posts about XYZ chapter at my school mentioned that it was losing its house due to a hazing scandal. This is a serious allegation, and I was wondering how I should approach this during rush? Will it be addressed at our Greek Life orientation? Thank you!

Asked by
daylightism

If there is a hazing issue with a sorority, it’s something you should know about as a PNM. It’s different than ‘who are the hottest girls’ on campus or ‘who throws the best parties.’ I think it’s a question that should be asked at your PNM Orientation, if not before. I don’t know the privacy policies at your school, or how much the Greek Life office/Panhellenic will tell you, but it would be a good idea to get the facts. Keep in mind the information could be totally false coming from Greek Rank. Some disgruntled students could have posted that rumor just to cause trouble for a sorority they don’t like. You never know!

The accusation that a sorority is loosing their house completely is a big deal. Chapters are put on probation now and then, but to loose their sorority house means a very serious incident took place. If hazing did happen, but the chapter can still recruit and function on campus, you need to know the truth of the situation. Just because they don’t have a sorority house any longer doesn’t change the behavior of the sorority. The offending sisters may still be there. Usually if a chapter gets in trouble like this, they must stop recruiting for 4 years (for example.) The house is not the root of the problem, it’s the culture of the membership. 

Bottom line, all the PNMs should know the real story before considering a bid from this chapter. I would hate for false gossip to hurt this sorority if it’s not true! If it is true, then you need to carefully consider your options. Follow up questions should include asking about what this chapter is doing to improve, what steps are they taking to get back on track, how does their organization insure that this will never happen again, etc… Everyone needs more information on the good and the bad facts surrounding this accusation. I hope you can get the answers you need ASAP. xoxo ;)  

big/little problems: triangle troubles…

Q: I’m a soon to be junior in a national non-NPC sorority on campus. I have two littles and a grand little. I just took the newest little this year and there have been issues with my littles getting along. There was a lot of difficult drama regarding my second little’s joining our sisterhood and I had to spend a lot of time with her to help her through her pledge process. That meant I didn’t have a lot of time to spend with either my first little or grand-little.

Things have deteriorated between me and my first little so much since I took the second one and now she basically ignores me and treats me like I don’t exist. Girls in my sorority have accused me of playing favorites, but I have tried to reach out to my first little to spend family time together with her, my other little, and grand little and I’ve also tried for individual one on one time. But was told she couldn’t hang out and she hasn’t reached out to me at all to spend any time together. She said, “I won’t hang out Little #2 unless I see her at an event. I really don’t like her.” It breaks my heart that my second little isn’t liked by my first and it also really bothers me that my first little isn’t helping to make my second little feel welcomed, especially after she had such a rough transition into my sorority.

I’m also really tired of feeling like I’m such a bad big when I’ve tried to talk it out with her and I wrote heartfelt notes detailing how much I cared about her. I explained how the new little wouldn’t affect our relationship and that I want to be able to work together as a family. I know she’s probably got hurt feelings, and I’ve tried to rectify my mistakes and be fair to them both, but it’s really hard to pacify two people. But I just don’t want to loose the special relationship I have with my first little. Do you have any advice on what to do?

A: My oh my. Let’s look at everyone’s part in this drama to help sort things out…….

  • YOU: You DID spend a lot of time and attention on Little #2 to the exclusion of Little #1. Your actions spoke louder than your words. This ticked off Little #1 the most. You have tried to make amends, but it may be too late.
  • LITTLE #1: She never liked the new sister and the trouble surrounding her membership. She does not want to be close friends with Little #2. She will never care for her the way you do. She is a little jealous and feels left out - both seem accurate by the way you describe things.
  • LITTLE #2: I see #2 as the source of much conflict. She had a big problem joining your sorority and that’s red flag to me. Then you swooped in like Florence Nightingale and worked overtime to mend her, at the expense of your other family loyalties. Also, I don’t read anything about Little #2 trying to be friendly and sweet to Little #1. The burden is all on you and your first Little. I think Little #2 has passively done some real damage and not taken any actions to mend fences. She too has responsibility in this situation.

I think you have done all the right things to smooth things over with Little #1. You have expressed your heartfelt feelings and apologized. Your message has been received loud and clear! You can’t force your Littles to be friends and you can’t force Little #1 to come around. Now is the time for some space and peace. Ease up and let the dust settle. All that needs to be said has been said. Everyone can now cool off. 

In a triangle, someone feels less loved. It happens and there are consequences to every action. Be the bigger person and continue to be nice to all your family members. Don’t try to bring the two littles together. Under the circumstances, I would socialize with them separately and equally. If Little #1 continues to be stubborn, just smile kindly and reach out to her another time. In a perfect world she forgives and forgets. And Little #2 becomes problem free and lots of fun to be around.

But until that perfect day ~ just calmly do what’s right, extend the hand of sisterhood and be patient. If Little #1 still refuses to respond, you can sleep at night knowing you tried your best. That’s all anyone can do! xoxo

"Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming to consequences of any misfortune." ~ William James

I love my big a lot the only problem is I barely see her. She's a self proclaimed 'not the typical sorority girl' and she rushed when she was a junior. She's involved in theater like me but she spends almost all her time doing theater things and barely attends any chapter and sisterhood events. However I want to look past this the coming year and focus on being a good big for my future little, but I dont have a good example of how tobe an involved big because mine wasn't. Do you have any advice?

Asked by
hellush

That’s easy ~ just do the opposite of what your big did! Instead of being distant, be close. Attend all the big/little functions together. Go all out for big/little week and craft her gifts from the heart. Surprise your little with thoughtful gestures when she least expects it. Treat her as you would like to be treated. 

Be available for advice, be a good role model, show her the ropes, have spontaneous good times together, etc… Being a great big sister is all about being a solid friend. It should come naturally if you like your little. Ask yourself, "What would I do for a regular best friend?" You would follow her social media and comment, you meet her for coffee, you would go shopping together and see a movie, you would give her gifts on special occasions and you would talk freely with each other. Sisters should be a priority in your life, not an afterthought, or an obligation. 

I’m afraid your big has other things she’s more interested in than greek life. So her priorities are elsewhere and it shows. As long as you are giving, attentive, receptive and share your TIME most of all, you will be a dream big sister for your new little! xoxo ;)

Can you explain the difference between Panhellenic/Non-Panhellenic and where service sororities fit in all of that? I'm totally at a loss! I also love your posts! It's made me so excited about rushing!

Asked by
sherunswithfoxes

There is not a great deal of difference between the various styles of greek life. Each kind of sorority offers sisterhood, social life, activities and interaction with other greeks. For service sororities and local chapters, the amount of inclusion in the mainstream greek system depends on the campus. Some are included in everything, and others complain they are not allowed to participate in events like greek week. So you will need to double check the integration on your campus if you are interested in being part of the bigger greek picture and in a non-NPC chapter. But internally, the sororities do many of the same things with their sisters. 

The National Panhellenic Conference oversees the 26 mainstream sororities. All of those chapters are the standard social sororities which were founded years ago, they connect with all the fraternities on campus, they do lots of service work, they have all the traditions like big/little, retreats, etc… It’s everything you see on my blog daily. 

Service sororities are very similar and they have many of the same internal traditions. They emphasize community service as their primary mission statement. So if you like to do volunteer work, they would be ideal for you. Other non-NPC chapters often revolve around a special interest like music, design, agriculture, pharmacy, etc. They also have most of the same sisterhood traditions, just with more emphasis on their common bond such as music. Multicultural sororities highlight ethic affiliation. There are Hispanic chapters. Asian, Middle Eastern and some which embrace broad diversity as their focus. The National Pan-Hellenic Council oversees the African-American sororities. They have their own governance under the umbrella of the NPH. Local sororities do not have a national governing council. They are one-of-a-kind and unique to their own college. They are usually smaller and more intimate. They offer a rewarding greek experience to their members as well.

Whew… I think I’ve covered most of the options. There is no right or wrong way to go. It all depends on what YOU are looking for in a sorority. There are pros and cons to each system. Follow your heart and I know you will find a greek home away from home. xoxo :)

❉ fun & fabulous sorority DATE PARTY ideas! ❉

Q: Hi! I’m trying to plan a date dash for my sorority but we don’t have a house, so I was wondering of you have any ideas of where to go for it, or fun things we could do? Thanks!!!

A: Date and Crush parties can be creative and exciting! Date functions are a little different than mixers and exchanges. They focus more on couples and pairing up. You don’t need a sorority house to hold a successful date party. Many are held off campus at event venues, clubs and outdoor locations. 

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❉ TOP 17 DATE PARTY IDEAS: 

  • Everybody Gets Leid. Hawaiian date party where everyone gets a lei and parties in grass skirts and Hawaiian clothes. Decorate with tropical flowers, palm trees and island decor.
  • Food Mascot Match-Up. Create a master list of Food Mascots. Each sister signs-up for a mascot to be her costume from the master list. Invite one fraternity with equal numbers to your sorority, or ask each sister to invite 1 guy to attend (but not as her date.) When the guys are invited, each one is randomly assigned a mascot costume from the same master list. At the party there will be 2 versions of the same mascot ~ one girl and one guy version. Each girl must find her date by locating her “matching” character. For example: Chick-Fil-A cows, Orbit Gum girls, Tony the Tigers, Mr. Peanuts, M&Ms, Burger Kings, Wendy’s, etc… The different interpretations of the same mascot are fun and make for great photos.
  • Dinner Basket Auction. The evening version of the Lunch or Picnic Box Auction. Sisters provide basket dinners for 2 and the fraternity guys bid on them, not knowing who made each basket. Buyers then share their dinner with the girl who made it. The auction proceeds go to charity. Or stage your auction with “play money” just for fun. This dinner basket party is extra fun when held at the beach, lakeside, or other appealing location.
  • Tie The Knot. Your roommate sets you up with a date, but doesn’t tell you, or the date, who you both will be attending the party with. The guy gives his tie to your roommate, she gives it to you and you wear the tie to the party. Your date has to “find” you by finding who is wearing his tie.
  • My Tie. On the afternoon of the event, the invited fraternity delivers a box of ties to the sorority house from every guy who will be attending. Each sister selects a tie and wears it to the party that evening. Whoever the tie belongs to is the sister’s date for the evening.
  • Quickie Date Dash: The social chair announces in an email, or at a chapter meeting, that everyone has 24 hours to find a date for a date party just 24 hours later. 
  • Point of No Return. No one knows the date party location except the Social Chair and President. Everyone is given a party favor clue when the couples board the bus. The bus then takes them to the party venue such as the beach or a dance club.
  • Find Your Sister A Mister. Randomly pair up each sister with another sister 24 hours before the party. Each pair must find a date for the other and ask him to attend. This is especially interesting if the sisters don’t know each other well. 
  • Handcuffed Bowling. Each couple is handcuffed together with a zip-tie, or cheap plastic handcuffs and they have to bowl that way. Award prizes to the top 3 winning couples.
  • Speed Dating. Invite a fraternity of equal size to participate. Play lively music and allow 3-5 minutes for pairs to talk to each other. Ring a bell/blow a horn and everyone must rotate conversation partners. Add energetic background music to make it even more lively.
  • Date Dash. At chapter meeting everyone is suddenly told they have 20-30 minutes to find a date. Each sister must run around campus to find someone to invite to the party. They can ask their boyfriend, an acquaintance, or even a stranger. All guest are brought back to the sorority house for the date party, or taken to an off campus location.
  • Masquerade Date Party. Each sister decorates two matching masks. One mask of the pair is collected in a box from all the sisters. The box is then delivered to a fraternity (or two frats if needed for numbers). The guys randomly pick a mast, not knowing who made it. Everyone wears their mask to the party and must find their “match.” Matching masks are dates for the evening. Decorate in a Mardi Gras theme. Give the girls lots of Mardi Gras beads and have the guys work for them by doing things like ‘craziest dance move’, or ‘sing a song.’
  • Jailhouse Date Party. One or two fraternities are invited for even numbers. Everyone is asked to dress as convicts and they’re given a prison number to pin/stick onto their chest when they arrive. Dates for the night are found via matching prison numbers. Decorate in a jailhouse theme. Variation: Down South Jailhouse for a redneck version.
  • Alphabet Soup. Ask each sister to invite 1 guy (but not as a date.) Or invite a fraternity with equal numbers. Each guest, male & female, is assigned a letter and must dress as something which begins with that letter. Letters are randomly assigned to girls and guys from A to Z. Dates connect at the party by finding their matching “letter” interpretation. Costumes can get quite creative, so finding your match should be interesting and challenging.
  • Camo Draft-A-Date. Each sister invites 2 guys to the party anonymously. During the evening, the guys must try to find out who invited them. Ask everyone to dress in camo and decorate in a patriotic military theme.
  • Paint Your Date. The messiest party ever. Sisters each invite a date and everyone is asked to wear all white “disposable” clothing. Provide gallons of water-based paint for everyone to paint their date. An outside grassy location is best. Squirt guns filled with paint are also fun for tagging others. Add a dance floor, Dj and great music. Variation: use only bright paints and provide black lights for a glow-in-the-dark paint party.
  • Costume Couples: For date parties where each girl invites her own date (no surprises or set-ups) these costume ideas are super fun ~ Famous Real Life Couples • Noah’s Ark (couples dress as the same animal) • Wizards & Witches • Food Combos (bacon & eggs) • Cartoon Couples • TV & Movie Couples • Fantasy & Storybook Couples • Social Media & Tech (Instagram and iphone) • Nature Combos (tree & koala).

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  ❉ DATE PARTY LOCATIONS: ❉

  • Beach Club 
  • Lake Club 
  • Dance Club
  • Restaurant & Bar
  • Bowling Lanes
  • Skating Rink
  • Country Farm/Barn
  • Country Western Club
  • Go-Kart Race Track
  • Archery Club
  • Golf & Country Club
  • Hotel
  • Tailgating area
  • Campus Event Facility
  • Horseback Riding Center
  • Botanical Gardens 
  • Boat Cruise
  • Winery
  • Water Park
  • Haunted House/Haunted Hay Ride
  • Park
  • Orchard 
  • Aquarium
  • Zoo
  • Batting Cages
  • Rock Wall
  • Pool 
  • Rooftop Lounge
  • Amusement Park
  • Laser Tag facility 
  • Paint Ball facility 
  • Museum event space
  • Ranch
  • Resort
  • Pub
  • Private home
  • Fairgrounds
  • Campground
  • Nature Preserve

❉ ❉ ❉ ❉ ❉ ❉ ❉ ❉ ❉ ❉ ❉ ❉ ❉ ❉ ❉ ❉ ❉ ❉

❉ LINK here for mixer, social & greek party THEMES: 

• Master List of Mixer Themes

• Master Mixer Theme List Part 2

I understand some sororities keep "secrets." Out of curiosity, what type of secrets do they keep?

Asked by
prepositional-phrase

The primary secrets revolve around chapter rituals ~ mainly initiation. The initiation ritual is the top secret in each NPC chapter. It involves traditions which have been performed since the founding of the sorority. There is an emphasis on symbolism in the ceremony which non-members cannot know or understand. Initiation is where the true meaning behind the sorority symbols are revealed. Secret words are shared and rites are performed during initiation which only members are allowed to experience. That’s why a sister cannot quit and join another NPC chapter after she is initiated. She is privy to all of their confidential rituals. 

Also ~ some chapters have a secret saying in addition to their public motto. Sororities have secret handshakes. Other traditions which are kept quiet include the pledge pinning ceremony, secret meanings behind their badges and other membership rites of passage such an crossing over to alumni status. The criteria for selecting PNMs is kept very confidential. All recruitment voting and discussions are hush hush. Sororities keep their standards issues and membership challenges within their own chapter too. 

Overall, many things within a sorority are not shared with the public. But that’s what makes sisterhood so unique, fun and a one-of-a-kind group experience. The rituals bond the members together more closely than the average campus club. In the end though, no secrets are as carefully guarded as the initiation ceremony. To be a sister you must learn to honor chapter privacy and hold some things very close to your heart. xoxo ;) 

big/little problems: seeking an adoption!

Q: My big and I don’t get along. She was always very detached and even though I tried, she never reciprocated any effort. She told me it was my fault and that I was a bad little, so she took another one. We tried to patch things up later but she only showed interest in the new little. Then, I got close to another sister from her PC and made her my unofficial big. At this point, my big graduated and I want to officially be adopted. Is there a right way/wrong way to go from being an orphan to adopted?

A: {First of all, I want to thank you and the previous follower for giving me a much needed break from recruitment questions!} I am sorry for your tremendously unpleasant big/little experience. Yikes! I think in your case, it is totally Ok to seek adoption ASAP. Thankfully your mis-matched big has graduated and she’s out of the picture. Some families are so difunctional, there is no saving them.

If you still have a connection with your “unofficial” big, then by all means make it official this fall. Each chapter handles adoption a little differently, so I suggest you contact your membership chair and ask her how it’s done in your sorority. Or maybe your future big knows specifically what to do. Since your first big is already off campus, I don’t think there will be any hurt feelings or awkward situations at chapter meetings. She will not be crying over you making the switch. 

Take the steps you need to cement your big/little happiness. Then give your new family all your love and attention this coming year. I know they will be thrilled to have you as part of their line. If possible, also take a new little. Bringing friendly fresh faces into your life is the best way to regain your sorority spirit. It is 100% rejuvenating! xoxo ;)

"Your future takes precedence over your past. Focus on your future, rather than on the past." ~ Gary Ryan Blair

"Tomorrow is our permanent address." ~ E. E. Cummings

big/little problems: not sure about taking a little…

Q: I’m having trouble deciding if I want to take a little this year. I’ll be a sophomore, so if I don’t take one this year I could always get one next year. I feel like I want a little more for the big/little activities our chapter does instead of making a new friendship, which I know is wrong. I’m not a super clingy person so if I took a little it wouldn’t be like we hung out every single day, and I don’t want to disappoint any new members. I’m just very torn on what to do.

A: Not all big/little relationships are clingy! Just like not all romantic relationships are smothering. You and a well-matched little set your own pace and your own “tone.” You could find a new sister who feels exactly like you do. She might be pre-med and not have much time to hang out. If you want a casual big/little partnership, I’m sure you can find one. 

I do think it’s sad at your age that you don’t want to make any new friends! Bringing new people into your world is a lifelong pursuit. Making new acquaintances never ends. I hope when you’re 95 years old you are making new friends in the nursing home! Why shut yourself off? Most big/littles don’t hang out every single day unless they room together. No relationship needs to be all or nothing. Even a boyfriend shouldn’t be glued to your side day and night.

Give some thought to why you think it’s total obsession or nothing at all with a new friend. There IS a happy medium in between. If you click with a new member this fall, I hope you will open your heart and give the big/little adventure a try. Pick wisely and establish a moderate relationship in your comfort zone. Attend chapter events together and see what grows. Don’t put any pressure on yourself to be perfect or to be your little’s 24/7 babysitter.

Let nature takes it’s course in developing a true friendship. You and your new little can decide what’s best for the two of you. Every partnership is what you make of it. I think you could benefit from looking outside yourself and giving love to another person. You might be amazed at what you receive in return! xoxo ;)

"The dedicated life is the life worth living. You must give with your whole heart." ~ Annie Dillard

"Among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver." ~ Maya Angelou

sorority Q&A: emotional work week…

Q: My house is preparing for recruitment right now and our recruitment chair has been a bit rude to all of us. Our chapter morale is so low and girls leave practice crying. It’s really affecting our sisterhood. What can I do to help?

A: Please know that your recruitment chair’s bossiness comes from stress and pressure, not from dislike of her sisters! Just like the director of a movie, she is responsible for putting on the show. She cares enough to want it done right. Please consider where she’s coming from. Tempers flare, emotions run high and it’s the tension talking. She has a lot riding on her shoulders. 

I suggest a chapter unity rally ASAP. Huddle together, talk about what’s happening, circle together, hug, sing a favorite song and reenforce WHY you are working so hard this week. If the President can share some inspirational quotes each day that would help. Other officers should also assist with moral and membership management. The rush chair should not have the entire burden on her shoulders. 

AND your sisters need to toughen up a little!! I always tell it straight on sorority sugar and your sisters need thicker skins. Instead of getting their feelings hurt over a bit of rehearsal rudeness, they should be more supportive of their rush chair. If practice goes well, the criticisms will stop! Everyone needs to be reminded of the greater good of all this hard work. I would advise your sisters to “tune out” the tone of voice and just listen to the instructions. 

REWARDS and appreciation also help during work week. Balance the stress with some of these ‘feel better’ ideas ~ 

♥ 12 Ways to Boost Morale During Work Week: ♥

  • Have a sweet & snack refreshment buffet set up with chapter favorites available all day. 
  • Order smoothies or frozen yogurt as a special reward for a job well done. 
  • Have your funniest sister share a humorous story, joke, or picture before each rehearsal session to lighten the mood.
  • Take regularly scheduled  breaks to relieve the tension. Surprise your membership with a surprise visitor during a break. For example:  a solo musician performs a song, a costume character or mascot arrives and hands out treats, a favorite food truck delivers lunch, a campus celeb arrives to give a pep talk, etc…
  • Surprise your Recruitment Chair with a bouquet of sorority flowers or a big basket of cookies immediately (don’t wait until after rush). This will soften her heart and let her know she is loved.
  • Have everyone sign a decorated poster/banner letting your Recruitment Chair know how much the sisterhood supports and appreciates her. Hang it where she will see it first thing in the morning. If she becomes happier - everyone will benefit. 
  • Make sure your chapter leadership continues to thank the membership for their hard work after each practice. All sisters need appreciation to feel better. 
  • Play a brief bonding ice breaker game before each rehearsal. Something light and fun. It will get the day off to a bright start.
  • Take short music breaks where for 10 minutes you blast your sisterhood’s favorite playlist and revive your spirits. Dancing is allowed too!
  • Post work week photos on your chapter’s social media, send encouraging messages to sisters on Facebook and keep the positivity moving towards rush week. Set up a large cork board in the entrance of your house and post DAILY photo awards of sisters doing fun things. Each day post sister’s pictures on the board for: “craziest move,” “best floater,” “#1 vocals,” or whatever fits your chapter’s personality. Sisters will look forward to seeing who makes the work week awards board for the day.
  • Have a sister video tape bits and pieces of practice and screen your mini video-of-the-day for some laughs and mood lightening at the conclusion of each work day. 
  • End each rehearsal with some spiritual words/affirmations which bring meaning and healing to your recruitment efforts. 

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

"Decide to forgive: For resentment is negative; resentment is poisoning; resentment diminishes and devours the self." ~ Robert Muller