Hello! I went through recruitment this year and ended up joining a chapter that I did not like at all and recently dropped. I plan on rushing again next year and i'm wondering how I would go about that next year. Especially when they ask why i'm going through recruitment because I don't want to seem like a quitter and someone that would just drop any house and be a waste of a bid.
This year it would be a good idea to dedicate yourself to some other groups or causes so you can show commitment over time. That will help demonstrate that you’re not a “quitter.” Show that you can stick to programs. Involvement on campus will also make you a more desirable PNM next fall.
If you are asked about why you are re-rushing, you can politely say you did not make a compatible connection last time and now you are eager to try again! No need to dwell on the old chapter, or why you dropped. They were lovely girls, but it just wasn’t a match. Instead, you spent your time getting involved in campus politics, the music club and writing poetry for the literary magazine. Replace your sorority “deficit” with different activities and you will be a superior PNM the second time around. Flourishing this year = being even more fabulous in the future. xoxo :)
I believe it takes more than a few weeks for true bonding, feelings, friendships and everything else involved in sorority life to grow. Nothing is totally perfect. There is no such thing as being 100% happy with anything. I don’t mean to be depressing, but expectations should be tampered with a little realism. Your university isn’t totally flawless, your boyfriend is irritating sometimes, your team looses games, girlfriends forget to call, your parents argue, your car just broke down, etc.. ~ that’s LIFE!!
If you have been invited to join a generally nice sorority, with no major problems, with decent sisters and enriching traditions, then you are in an excellent spot. You have been given the “blueprint” for an amazing greek experience, but YOU have to build the house! You must fill in the blanks with your participation, volunteering, socializing, hard work, good times, smiles and laughs. All of that takes about 4 years to complete and lots of energy on your part.
What does leaving accomplish? The end of greek life most likely, unless you want to go through recruitment again in a year and hope that the sororities where you didn’t make a match the first time will change their minds about you. Not a very desirable option. The grass is not always greener on the other side. The chapter that you wish you joined may be filled with cliques, troubles, higher dues, standards problems, infighting, drugs ~ who knows? You can’t tell if your membership would have been better or worse elsewhere. There is no way to travel two paths at one time.
I highly recommend that you evaluate the opportunities you DO have and determine if your sorority is a place where you can grow. Try these “WOULD I BE BETTER OFF?” questions and hopefully they will help crystalize your thoughts……………..
- Would I be better off with the friends, roommates, big sister and other sisters available in my sorority ~ or in non-greek life?
- Would I be better off with the socials, parties, exchanges, mixers, formals, semi-formals and retreats in my sorority ~ or in non-greek life?
- Would I be better off meeting other greeks, hot fraternity guys, competing in greek games, marathons, fundraisers and helping the community in my sorority ~ or in non-greek life?
- Would I be better off getting resume boosting leadership positions, teamwork experience, managerial skills, people skills and interpersonal improvement in my sorority ~ or in non-greek life?
- Would I be better off receiving encouragment to study, motivation to maintain a solid GPA, sisters to study with, academic awards and recognition for a job well done in my sorority ~ or in non-greek life?
- Would I be better off living with sisters, eating meals with sisters, traveling with sisters, taking a little of my own one day, experiencing the rituals of my sorority and learning what it means to be loyal and true ~ or in non-greek life?
If you ask yourself these questions and you honestly prefer life outside your current chapter, then it’s perfectly Ok to leave greek life. You may not try recruitment again, but sorority membership is not for everyone. Just make a wise choice based on the realistic benefits and drawbacks. Of course I personally hope you stay in your sorority! xoxo ;)
Q: What advice can you give for a big and little not speaking? The big in question posted a photo on Instagram with a racial slur. The little who is responsible for monitoring all social media asked her to remove the comment. The photo was fine, just not the comment. It was only after the chapter president agreed it was racist the she removed the photo. They are both on Exec. They have not spoken to each other for two weeks now. I am the mother of the little. I want to text the Big and say something, but part of me wants to stay out of it. I want them to resolve it on their own. But I am afraid the more time passes the harder it will be.
A: Friendships are tested when one sister is in a position of “authority” over another. This same thing could happen when a big/little is supervising academic requirements or standards behavior and has to deal with a negative situation involving her partner. When a little has to take discipline action with a big, (or vice versa) hurt feelings are bound to happen.
Rather than you stepping in and speaking with the big, I think it would be better to have a heart to heart with your daughter and brainstorm ways to break the ice. Her big is feeling betrayed, embarrassed and targeted. And a sister-to-sister approach is probably best. On top of everything else, if the big sister suddenly got a text from her little’s mom she would feel even more persecuted. These are some approaches to discuss with your daughter and see if one of them might work ~
- Ask another sister, who both big and little love and respect, to step in as mediator. Get all three girls together in a neutral location to work things out.
- Have your daughter extend an olive branch such as big basket of cookies, an apology note and an invitation to sit down and talk. Even though she did nothing wrong, sometimes the ‘bigger person’ has to make the first move, apologize anyway and get the ball rolling towards a reconciliation.
- Sometimes if a face to face meeting is too much, a letter from the heart can be helpful. Your daughter could write a genuine, loving letter to her big expressing all the things she loves and admires about her, how she misses her and how she wants this upset to blow over. By being humble and caring, it may reach the heart of her angry big.
- A painted canvas with a ‘faithful” sisterhood saying on it and a note left on the big’s bed would be nice. A bouquet of sorority flowers tied with ribbon and a kind note is another idea. Any gesture of loyalty and compassion - without incrimination - should touch the hardened heart of the big sister.
If after several honest attempts at smoothing things over, she still remains defiant. then there’s not much else your daughter can do. She will have to ride it out and hope time and/or life events will change things in the future. But I would encourage her to be humble and TRY to mend fences before giving up completely. I hope it works! xoxo ;)
"There are no mistakes, save one: the failure to learn from a mistake." ~ Robert Fripp
hi! so I didn't do so well in high school due to some personal struggles, will this affect any bids i might/might not get? my dream is to be in a really fun and academically strong sorority and i would hate to have my low gpa be the deciding factor of where i end up.
I want to be honest with you, so I must say that yes your GPA may effect your possibilities in recruitment. If you reach the minimum to rush, you will be able to participate. But some chapters set their own GPA acceptance levels higher than the Panhel minimum. Juggling college courses, greek life, social life and other activities is a huge challenge. Sororities want new members who have a strong chance of succeeding at everything. They have requirements from their national headquarters and grade levels they must maintain as a chapter. So that means you may be cut from some sororities due to your low GPA.
But every chapter has a focus on academic achievement! So you can still make a match with an academically solid chapter. All greeks have to maintain good grades. You will not end up in a “dummy” house where no one cares about their classes. All the NPC organizations have standards and they take pride in the high grades of their sisters. You can still find a house that’s strong academically and has fun too. And if you have one of the top GPAs in your future sorority, then you will be an excellent role model for the other sisters. Wherever you pledge, you personally can get the highest grades you want! xoxo ;)
Q: I’m taking a little this semester and I’m super excited about it, but the little that I got is not the one that I was wanting. I’ve talked to her and hung out with her, but she’s kind of shy. I don’t see our personalities meshing very well. I don’t really know what to do because I don’t want to be that big who gets a little and then never talks to her. But I also don’t see myself giving it my all to be her big.
A: You DO know that you have free will and you can CHOOSE to do the right thing? You can be a good person in spite of your feelings. That’s what sisterhood, loyalty and commitment is all about. Strong character shines when the situation is less than perfect, not when everything is sunshine and roses. You say you have the potential to be a terrific big sister, but you are choosing not to do that. All because this particular sweet and shy (probably overwhelmed) new member is not your first choice little. Uhhhhh… I am almost speechless. But not quite!
✬ YOUR NEW LITTLE:
- She may take awhile to warm up to people. She may not be quiet once you really get to know her. She could just be intimidated in new situations.
- You and your sorority voted for her to be a sister for life, so there is something wonderful about her personality.
- She NEEDS and deserves a loving big who will treat her as a special person, show her the ropes, spoil her and guide her. It’s not her fault she was matched with you and not the other little.
- Shyness is not the same as being mean, rude, gossipy, back-stabbing, or other seriously unpleasant personality trait. She could be much, much worse.
- Time, familiarity and the security of being big/little helps most shyer girls come out of their shell. Given the chance she will probably blossom. Feeling loved and accepted works miracles.
- Please give your new little a chance! Imagine what would happen if you went ahead and DID all the awesome things you want to do as an ideal big. What if you acted like you got your #1 choice? What do you think the result would be if you treated her just like a little you’re crazy about? Do you think your relationship would be more positive if you were generous, attentive and totally lovable towards this sister?
- How you act and how you feel inside does not have to match. Sometimes you are obligated to do certain things because it’s the right thing to do. From doing your sorority duty many blessings will come. If you give to your new little you will be doing the right thing. If you choose to ignore her and don’t do much ~ guess what will happen? Only unhappiness and negativity will be the outcome. Being cheerful, involved and giving is sooooo much more fun. Take the high road and you will be happier too.
- This is an ideal opportunity for BOTH of you to grow. You are now learning that you don’t always get exactly what you want in life. Your personal challenge is to make the best of it. Your little will hopefully learn to be more outgoing with your help. If you are a salt & pepper match, it can be a good thing. She can help you be more generous of spirit and you can help her become more empowered. Look for ways to compliment each other.The best of friends are often opposite in several ways, but they balance each other out. What can you learn from your little? What can she learn from you? How can you enrich each other’s lives?
- Not every big/little bond starts with A+ compatibility. Many big/little pairs don’t know each other well and some are complete strangers. You have 100% free will do make this relationship either the best it can be, or a complete failure. Your little will be looking for you to set the tone and take the lead. What kind of big do you want to be remembered as? What do you want your little to say about you years from now? How you were selfishly disappointed in her and didn’t give her the time of day? Or, how you took her under your wing, were nicer to her than any other sister and even though your personalities were a little different, you took the time to make her feel completely loved and accepted in her new sorority? You are the author of your own life script. Which story do you want told about you?
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Q: I go to a school where we have all national sororities on campus and I am a member of Delta Zeta. Where I am thinking of transferring has no national sororities only local ones. I love my sisters dearly but would I still be allowed to join a local chapter at my new school? I know you’re not allowed to join other national chapters but didn’t know about local. Also, would I still be a sister of DZ as well cause I don’t want to end my affiliation with them.
A: You would need to check your specific DZ bylaws, but I believe you can join another non-NPC chapter. The issue is ~ would you really want to? To keep both memberships alive, you would be paying double the dues. Even if your DZ status switches to early-alum, it’s still spending money for two memberships. And you would start all over again as a PNM, buy a new pin, learn another chapter’s history, go through initiation, etc… A local social sorority is so similar to your current greek life, I can’t image doing everything again. Your loyalties would be severally tested. It could be very uncomfortable, your DZ sisters wouldn’t appreciate you joining another sorority and the smaller chapter/local greek community will probably pale in comparison to the amazing experience you’ve had in DZ. Confusing, weird and unfaithful are the words that come to mind when I image doing what you’re considering.
First, I encourage you to research colleges WITH your sorority! There are about a zillion universities in the USA and I’m sure there are a few which have your academics and your greek organization. Why not continue to enjoy the sisterhood you committed to and love? You can “have it all” on a different campus. There are only 4 short years in which a sister can experience the joys of collegiate membership. Alumnae participation is nothing like it. Why cut your happy time short? Another option is to reconsider staying on your current campus since you have a loving chapter. It’s not easy finding compatible sisters. I wouldn’t toss your original chapter away lightly.
Secondly, IF the college with only local sororities is the place for you, then I suggest looking into OTHER groups/clubs to join. You don’t have to pick another social sorority to have fun and meet people. Look at special interest clubs, sports, hobbies, or pre-professional organizations. Consider joining a co-ed group. That will give you a totally different experience and you won’t feel like you’re cheating on DZ. Make your transfer an opportunity to explore new things, including how you make friends.
If there are no national sororities on campus, then greek life is not a big deal there. You would do better to join the newspaper staff, media club, writer’s group, dance troupe, pre-engineering club, political action committee, ski club, or other popular organization on campus. Find out what students do to connect and seek out your areas of interest. If you attend a ‘minimal-greeks university’, then do what the Romans do and get involved elsewhere. That way you can keep Delta Zeta as your very special sorority with no conflicts. I believe that would be a win-win for you! xoxo ;)
Q: I was hoping you could give me advice about taking my best friend as a little.I don’t know if she is even going to join my sorority yet, but she likes the girls and she got a pref night invite from us. We’ve been roommates since freshman year and we get along really well. I have considered being her big but I’m worried it will change the dynamic of our relationship and will also not give either of us a chance to bond with another girl that could be a good big/little fit. I love her to death and she gets along great with my big and I’d love her as a little but i have concerns about the whole potential situation.
A: It totally depends on the two people involved! Some ‘friend’ big/little pairs wouldn’t have it any other way. Others keep their close friendship separate from the big/little program. It’s similar to not combining friends with business, or not loaning money to friends. Those types of things can ruin a longstanding friendship. But if both girls want to unite as big/little it can be comfortable, loving and lots of fun. Just think about your personalities before taking the leap. If you both are flexible, forgiving and easy going it will help!
If your friend does join your chapter, sit down for a heart-to-heart and share honestly about what you both would prefer. You don’t have to “pass” on your friend, just so she can have another Big. That Big may turn out to be a poor match. If there’s no one super special in the chapter for her, then that’s another advantage for you being her Big. Talk it over, see if there is another strong candidate and agree on what’s best for your relationship. Communication is key in your situation. If both of you are forthright, I think you can come to a positive mutual decision. xoxo ;)
So sadly I had to drop my sorority due to financial problems and my major being time consuming. The problem I am facing now that I have officially dropped is telling my amazing sorority fam who I love so much. Every time I'm around, all they can talk about is planning what we will do for my future little. I don't know how to tell them and I'm really worried they will cut me off like my other "sisters" did. How can I break it to them and also stay their unofficial "little"? HELP!
I am soooo sorry you couldn’t find a way to stick it out at a minimal level! You DO need to tell your family line that you’re not a sister any more. The longer you hide the truth from them the worse it will be. It will be much kinder coming from you ~ than for them to hear about it at the next chapter meeting. Their plans for a new Little will change and many other things too.
Once you break the bonds of your commitment, sisters usually do not stay as close. You are no longer in the organization which means so much to them. And you are (n a sense) leaving them. Even though you don’t feel that way, it’s a typical sister reaction when a member disaffiliates completely. In their eyes you have turned your back on them. I’m not saying that’s correct, it’s just a normal reaction to someone leaving any close group. It would be the same if you left your church membership for example. People bond in special organizations and when bonds are broken it hurts.
I know it’s not easy, but you should look for new friends in the non-greek community as soon as possible. This will help your transition in many ways. By hanging out with students who have the same major, or other common interests, you fill find some valuable camaraderie. I know you are very short on time, but if there is any way for you to do just one small activity on campus it would help you adjust to your new direction. There are many adventures ahead for you outside of greek life. It’s time to look forward and not back. I wish you all the best in the years ahead! xoxo :)
Q: Recruitment starts tomorrow!! Any last minute advice?!
A: How exciting!! Whether you are a PNM, or a sister, the advice is very similar……………..
✿ TOP 50 LAST MINUTE RECRUITMENT TIPS: ✿
- Be SINCERE!
- Sparkle & shine.
- Be the type of person you want to meet.
- Don’t compare yourself to others.
- Reach out from your heart.
- Keep your eyes on the prize.
- Talk until your throat hurts.
- Don’t be afraid to get excited!
- Smile & laugh
- Prepare to change your mind.
- Give yourself a break.
- Perfect is boring.
- Don’t let stubbornness stand in the way of your goals.
- Accept recruitment surprises.
- Banish self-consciousness.
- Think creatively.
- Spotlight the positive, downplay the negative.
- Keep score of your wins, not your losses.
- Stay sharp every round.
- Be grateful for the life you have.
- Sleep as much as you can and eat healthy.
- Accept fate.
- Be worthy of your favorite chapter or favorite PNM.
- Commit to change.
- Be kind to all around you.
- Graciously accept compliments.
- Keeping your expectations reasonable controls disappointment.
- Don’t be tooooo serious.
- Allow yourself to enjoy recruitment.
- Don’t loose hope.
- What you see in a chapter, or a PNM, depends on how you look at it/her.
- Be an overcomer.
- Never quit - just move on.
- Stop worrying about what other people think.
- Every round is another chance.
- Before you talk - think.
- Remember that you’re only human.
- Sometimes you win - sometimes you learn.
- See the opportunity in every sorority or every PNM
- You become like the people you spend the most time with, choose carefully.
- Believe you can and you will.
- Take a leap of faith!
- Find some humor in recruitment.
- Believe in yourself.
- Have a sense of adventure.
- Share the magical and beautiful parts of your life/chapter
- Choose happiness.
- Note to self: relax!
- Trust the process.
So its been about a week and a half since my 1st bid day on the active side. I have met a girl that is perfect. She is the perfect little. Only problem, I know 3 other girls that think they are the perfect match. Can you help me calm my nerves or ideas on ways to see if we are a good match?
For your future happiness, it’s really important to pick a Little who is a compatible match. Looking for qualities that go beyond "she’s cool" or "she’s fun" will make for a healthier long term relationship. I have a post of things to think about when you are ranking your choices. (Or for picking one choice, depending on how your chapter does it.)
Considering you future Little’s character, reliability, honesty and loyalty are all excellent things to evaluate. If your head and heart lead you to one special new member ~ then trust your instincts and take the plunge! xoxo ;)
• How to Pick a Little ~ 23 Things to Consider
hi there! last year when I was a new member my big worked very hard to get me to choose her,she would keep in contact and constantly ask to hang out - but the second she became my big, this all completely stopped. Suddenly she was "so busy" and never had time to even drop me a text, & this has only continued throughout the year. ive mentioned it to her and was only met with empty promises. is it better for me to remove myself from the situation, or simply go on ignoring it without confrontation?
I guess your BIg really liked the pursuit and then lost interest once she’d captured her favorite Little. Very discouraging. She may have had good intensions, but no follow through. Now what do you do?
Whenever you are tempted to have a “confrontation” with ANYONE, you must first ask yourself; "What do I want as a result of this confrontation?" It’s not a good idea to blast on ahead and confront someone in an aggressive way, without first considering the consequences. If you face off with your BIg about why she’s been absent all year, are you prepared to hear what she has to say? And what do you want to do about it? She will either fib and say she’s been really busy, tell you you’re not a priority in her life, or admit she’s not crazy about you. Do you want to hear the brutal truth, or more lame excuses? Either way ~ what good will come of it? I know you hope that she will suddenly see the light, apologize profusely and become the attentive Big you always wanted. But I seriously doubt that will happen after a full year.
So, if you determine through careful thought that a confrontation will gain you nothing and probably make for more tension and hurt feelings ~ you can logically decide it’s not a productive idea. Your heart is not going to be miraculously healed through a heated head-to-head with your Big. If there are no benefits for YOU personally, then I advise against taking such an upsetting action. Confrontations put the other person on the defensive and they never end well.
Your other option of removing yourself isn’t necessary either! You are already “removed” from her life. With little contact, there is not further removal needed. Please don’t make a big stink and officially drop your Big. Just let your disappointment gently fade away…. Accept your Big’s limitations and accept the imperfect reality of your situation. By doing this, you also leave the door open for a possible reunion, should she come around one day. No need to burn bridges.
You can get more chapter satisfaction in other ways! Take a new Little, participate in lots of greek activities and grow as a sister. The big/little relationship is only ONE part of greek life. Leave well enough alone and get going on dozens of other happy things you can do within your sorority. Surround yourself with positive energy and move forward to a brighter day! xoxo ;)
"You can’t have a better tomorrow if you are thinking about yesterday all the time." ~ Charles F. Kettering
So big/little reveal is coming up in about 2 weeks or so and I found out the other night that the girl that told me that she wanted me as her little since August, wants someone else now. What the heck do I do?
First of all it could just be gossip. Or, a sister purposefully misleading you, so you’ll think you’re not going to get the Big of your choice. Or, it could be accurate and your favorite Bid has changed her mind. But beware as big/little week approaches there are lots secrets going around in the chapter. In your case it could be a false rumor, an intentional misdirection, a big mistake, or actually true. Any of those options are completely 100% possible!
SO…. as a Little, your job is to list your choices for Big sister in order of preference and let it go at that. Once you submit your picks, there is nothing else you can do about it. Please put your favorite sister’s name down as #1 (if you haven’t already done it.) You have nothing to loose by doing so. She may change her mind again, the other Little may want someone else, anything can happen.
There are too many variables in the big/little matchmaking process for you to second guess who’s doing what, and how it’s all going to turn out. Stay on course, pick your best matches, and what happens - happens. Don’t change your mind because of sorority house rumors. Then be happy with whoever is revealed to you on the big day. If it’s your fave Big, that’s terrific, if not, take the time to get close to another wonderful sister. xoxo ;)
Hi SororitySugar, I'm in a bit of hard decision.I had plans on dropping from my sorority due to me joining the military in a few months, not getting the experienced that I had hoped for, and the cost of dues. My chapter had bid day today and seeing all the new girls that joined has my rethinking my decision of dropping. Just thinking about not meeting those girls makes me a bit upset about my decision and I don't know which to do. Any advice?
Totally dropping your sorority is a HUGE decision and one you cannot come back from in most chapters. It is the most drastic step you can take. Sorority membership is a roller coaster ride of ups and downs, and just when you think you’ve had enough, you see all the happy faces of your sweet new members and it changes your heart!
If there is any way you can manage the dues for a few more collegiate years, you will be an alum member for life. When you join the military, if it takes you off campus, maybe your dues can be adjusted. I don’t know your military schedule, but you should ask your chapter leadership about it.
Each year in your chapter brings new opportunities and new adventures. If you can find a way to get more “out” of your chapter, you will be happier and more fulfilled. Membership doesn’t have to be the-most-amazing-experience-ever to be worthwhile, enjoyable and satisfying.
Make a list of 3 things you can do to elevate your experience this semester. If you are military minded you should relate to setting an objective and implementing the steps needed to reach your goals. Your mission is to target 3 areas that would make your membership more valuable. That might be taking a Little, joining a committee and attending more sisterhood socials for example. Then outline what you must do to reach those goals. See if making a dedicated effort will change your mind about totally disaffiliating.
Also make a list of ALL the things you would miss if you departed. Your big, hanging out together, greek week, recruitment, spring formal, etc.. Include all the things big and small that you like about being in your sorority and the greek community. All that goes away if you drop out. Sometimes the smallest things are worth hanging onto. The pride in being greek, the commitment you made and the sisterhood you dedicated yourself to at initiation. Those principles mean more than the day-to-day routine of being a sister. Re-think, re-group and revive your sorority spirit! xoxo ;)
"For every disciplined effort there is a multiple reward." ~ Jim Rohn
"You’ve got to get up every morning with determination if you’re going to go to bed with satisfaction." ~ George Horace Lorimer