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I'm so conflicted& upset I don't know what to do. I got into my last choice chapter. I've tried it out & I've met a few nice girls (6/a lot) but I really don't see myself connecting with others since we're so different. They're a bit weird/quirky. Their chapter really doesn't fit the "sorority image" which is what I actually wanted. I know I should leave before initiation (I already let them know I can't) but I feel guilty and sad. I had a big assigned who seemed great but it's not what I want:(

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Sometimes it’s very hard to tell when a chapter is truly a mis-match and when it has potential to be rewarding. It can take a year or two to feel at home and grow to love your sisters if you start out from a low level on bid day. I think your conflict comes from your sorority not having the “image” you wanted. They also don’t fit your “self-image.” If you can’t get past that, then you are probably right to leave. That doesn’t mean things will be better when you’re not greek any longer, or better if you rush again next year. There are no guarantees for future happiness with the chapters you didn’t make a match with the first time.

Sometimes a ‘nice’ sorority is perfectly acceptable and a beautiful place to grow emotionally. You have made friends and even like your potential big. I think that’s amazing! If only you could look past some of the superficial judgements, you might be able to continue your membership. No one adores every member of their sorority! Some sisters can’t stand each other. So if you are looking for total harmony, you probably won’t find it. A smaller group of good friends within a chapter is common. You are feeling sad, because you will be leaving some friendly girls who could become close sisters, if only……..

Let me share a sorority story ~ A friend of mine is currently active in a sorority. I’ll call her Tory. Last year she was sobbing and crying on bid day because she got a bid from a sorority she didn’t want (her 3rd choice after Pref.) Tory’s top pick didn’t come through and the girls in her pledge class are really not her type. After several good cries, she stuck it out and a year later, she’s just starting to appreciate her chapter more and beginning to feel at home. She’s still not crazy about her pledge class, but she has made good friends with her older sisters. And when she sees how “rough” it’s been on her friends who got into the “top” chapters, she appreciates her nice chapter more. She knows now, had she gotten her #1 choice, she wouldn’t have fit in and she wouldn’t have been totally accepted.

The chapter where Tory accepted a bid has turned out to be the ideal place for her after all. It took over a year for her to realize this. She is getting more involved at her own pace, her feelings have grown and she now says "I’m glad I’m a XYZ." Most importantly she has finally developed pride for her organization. She didn’t let one group of girls in her chapter stop her overall opinion from improving. She made the best of things and in return has grown to appreciate her sorority much more. After the bid day from hell, you would never guess this could happen. But it does!!

Soooooo, if you decide you can ~ get past the quirkiness of some of your sisters, you can readjust your expectations, you can enjoy the members you do like, you don’t want to forfeit your greek membership and you’d rather avoid an uncertain future recruitment…. let me assure you it IS POSSIBLE to bloom right where you are! Giving your sisterhood a chance is an option. Please just think about it before you depart!  xoxo ;)

This weekend I'll be attending a formal. I'm a freshmen and have never been to one and don't know what to expect. Help!

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Greek formals are a little bit like proms, but less glitzy and more grown up. Girls may wear cocktail dresses instead of long gowns. It all depends on the traditions at your campus. There will be food and drink, music and dancing. There may also be some sorority/fraternity awards or a video included in the evening. Formals are very nice dress up occasions similar to your high school prom or a wedding reception. Look your best, stay classy and have a good time on the dance floor! xoxo ;)

I see a lot of themes for socials and whatnot, but what do sororities and fraternities do at these socials? Do they just sit around and talk, or do the pictures just show them in their cute outfits minus the actual event they are attending?

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Many times the mixer/exchange/social theme will involve an activity like matching your costume to another guest or some other party “activity” like signing everyone else’s shirts. There may also be entertainment of some kind. For example, mechanical bull riding for a western theme party. Or hula dancing at a tropical island social. There can be competitive games, a band playing, a costume contest, food activites like make your own pizza, casino style games, etc… Of course lots of socializing, talking and flirting also takes place.

Another factor is who is hosting the party. Fraternity mixers are a little looser than sorority hosted events. Sororities have more restrictions on drinking alcohol in their houses than frats do. The keg parties and drinking games take place at the fraternity houses. 

All and all co-ed greek socials are part costume party, part cocktail party, party singles mixer and part fun & games. Especially exciting when you’re a new member. As you get older, you will probably grow out of them, but for younger sisters they are a total blast! xoxo ;)

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I go on different websites and see people talking about top, middle, and bottom tier sororities. What does that mean exactly and is being in a bottom tier sorority really that bad?

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Tiers are mostly in the minds of the beholders. Outsiders and other greeks like to assign rankings to sororities on campus, but those opinions are not always based on reality. Tiers are a mixture of gossip, personal opinions, tradition, reputation, some truth and what a chapter’s status is that semester. Some are hot and some are not. But if you live within the sorority, being happy, accepted and appreciated is much more important. 

There are sororities which are large, strong, successful, and achieve on every level. They may legitimately be the top performers. But that doesn’t mean every PNM would be happy joining them. There are different tastes for different girls. In fact the worst thing you can do is join a sorority “just because” it’s perceived to be top tier. After pledging you could find yourself lost, lonely and stressed that you can never really relax around your sisters. A type-A personality might flourish in that kind of chapter, but a more laid back girl would hate it. Thank goodness there is a variety of options at most universities. Choice doesn’t always mean better or worse. In greek life it can just mean “individually unique.”

That’s why I tend to look at sororities as being distinct. There are a variety of houses for a variety of PNMs. Not everyone wants a super competitive, expensive, heavy partying, or sexy sisterhood. Other girls would be bored silly in a sorority that crafts all the time or does extra community service. All PNMs should go where they genuinely feel at home, where they can blossom and where they find a lifestyle match.

While it’s true that some sororities are smaller, and not as flashy as other houses, that doesn’t make them the “bottom” or less worthy to the sisters who belong. They love each other, they have a blast together and for them it’s a perfect fit. Every NPC sorority provides it’s members with an enriching  experience, inspiration and close friendships. All houses, large to small, express their own “style” of sisterhood. Thankfully ~ to each her own! xoxo ;)

☀ 50 Fun Big/Little Matchability Questions! ☀

Many chapters have big/little speed dating sessions and bonding events where potential pairs get to know each other. It’s a great idea to have some lighthearted questions to ask during your match-making parties! These questions are meant to be less serious than recruitment questions and should help sisters who don’t know each other find some common ground. They are written for bigs or little to ask, but the big/little names can be switched around to suit your needs. xoxo ;)


☀ 50 Big/Little Get-To-Know-You Questions: ☀

  1. If you could work on a Hollywood movie crew, what position would you prefer? 
  2. If your Big changes plans at the last minute, how would you react?
  3. Of these three traits, which drives you the most crazy in a girlfriend: being stubborn, being snobby, being high-strung?
  4. You’re redecorating your room and your big offers to help, what is your reaction?
  5. Your Little is having a birthday tomorrow, what do you do?
  6. It’s composite photo day and your big/little offers to style your hair. Would you let her?
  7. You offered to help your Little move, but now you have a better invitation to a weekend frat party at the beach, what do you do?
  8. If you fell on your face in the middle of campus would you laugh it off or burst into tears?
  9. If you get a gut feeling that one of your sister’s is mad at you, what do you do? 
  10. Do you think it’s better to pout, use humor, or confront your big/little over a unpleasant situation that’s developed?
  11. What do your friends always say you should be? (lawyer, pro athlete, movie star, stand-up comic, etc..)
  12. What is the top trait you look for in a close friend?
  13. Your Big borrows your favorite pair of expensive jeans, when she returns them, there’s a big hole in the knee. They’re not the “distressed” type of jeans. What do you do?
  14. Your Little is making a fool of herself at a party singing bad karaoke, what do you do?
  15. Right before class you accidentally spill Coke all over your white pants, how do you react?
  16. You are meeting your boyfriend’s parents at a tailgating party and you’re having a really bad hair day, what’s your solution?
  17. Most of your new member class dislikes one sister, but you think she’s sweet, what do you do?
  18. It’s Friday, what are your favorite plans for the weekend?
  19. Two of your sisters get in a fight. Would you mediate a truce, listen to both sides but say nothing, or completely stay out of it?
  20. If your parents could buy you anything for your birthday, what would you ask for?
  21. What is your favorite breakfast?
  22. Imagine you are an Academy Award Winning actress, what would you wear to accept your Oscar?
  23. Would you prefer to live in a hip city apartment, a mansion in the country, or a cottage on the beach?
  24. You find yourself in standards trouble with the sorority, what would be the worst punishment you could imagine?
  25. You’re looking through your closet for something to wear, you’re most likely to find what kind of clothes?
  26. Your Little asks to borrow your favorite piece of jewelry, cocktail dress, or other special item, what do you say?
  27. If you could dine anywhere you wanted, what restaurant would you choose?
  28. If you wanted to totally pamper yourself, what would you do?
  29. What is your favorite piece of jewelry?
  30. Which do you use more; your phone, your laptop, your ipad, or your tv?
  31. It’s time for the chapter retreat in the woods, what one essential item do you absolutely have to pack?
  32. Your Big asks you to help with a really difficult and dirty project when you’d much rather relax, what do you do?
  33. It’s sisterhood slumber party night and you can order your all time favorite pizza. What would you choose for toppings?
  34. You and your big/little are sharing a rich brownie and ice cream dessert. There is one delicious bite left, would you take it?
  35. You must study for a final exam, but your Little is begging you to go out, what do you do?
  36. You are working with several other sisters on the annual fundraiser and you end up doing all of the work. How do you handle who gets the credit and the chapter recognition?
  37. Your big/little comes down with a bad case of the flu on the night of formal. what do you do?
  38. For initiation, your Big gives you a necklace that’s not your style at all, what do you do?
  39. If you ran into a friend from grade school who you haven’t seen in years, what’s the first thing she would say?
  40. How long have your had your current hairstyle and hair color?
  41. Your mom sends you a gift card for three new pieces of clothing, which three fashions would you choose?
  42. What’s the craziest color you’ve ever painted your nails?
  43. You’ve been invited to the biggest Halloween bash on campus, what would your costume be?
  44. Your Big got a bad grade on a test and is really unhappy, what do you do?
  45. There is nothing to do but hang out with your sisters at the sorority house.. What do you end up doing all evening?
  46. Your favorite way to unwind is to do what?
  47. If your TV could only get one kind of show, would you choose ~ mystery, romance, crime, comedy, costume drama, reality show, news, or sports?
  48. Your Big is treating you to a weekend away at your choice of destination, where would you go?
  49. If you could only wear one kind of shoe for the rest of your life, what style would you choose ~ flip flops, slippers, sneakers, pumps, boots, ballet flats, loafers, or wedges? 
  50. What would be your fantasy dream job?

☀ ☀ ☀ ☀ ☀ ☀ ☀ ☀ ☀ 

I joined a sorority this semester, as a sophomore. I have found that a lot of my other friends from both school & home have been very judgmental because I rushed, and have been telling me that greek life is all partying & that their opinions of me are going to change because I have rushed, even though they have known me for years. I am tired of defending myself and the greek system to close minded individuals who I thought would be my friends no matter what. Any tips on how to deal with this?

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i am sorry that you have such closed minded friends. They really don’t know anything about it. But even if you did join a party chapter, so what? You are free to live your own life in college. Friends can warn against really serious things like drug abuse, or driving drunk, but when you choose to join a respectable organization on campus, it’s really none of their business! Unless you are being harmed, there’s no point in harassing you. I’m sure your sorority is helping you in many ways, not changing you for the worse. 

If your old friends keep bringing it up, you will have to say "enough is enough" and put an end to the criticisms. You don’t have to keep defending yourself. Smile cheerfully and say, "I guess we will have to agree to disagree and I really don’t want to discuss it any more." Followed by an offer to go get pizza. If you nip the attacks in the bud, and refuse to keep debating the issue, they should get tired of nagging. I’m sure they have joined a club here and there, played on a sports team, or participated in some group activities. To bad they can’t see the parallels. 

Time will tell the story. If you continue to be a sweet person, and you don’t become a wicked witch from being in greek life, then you will prove their theories wrong. You may also grow to appreciate more open-minded friends, as you grow away from your judgmental buddies. That’s Ok too.

Friends should show respect for your “good” choices in life and enjoy your adventures with you. Even if they don’t like sororities they should be polite enough to wish you the best. Others don’t have to agree with your views on religion, politics, or sorority life ~ just be tolerant of them. Enjoy your new sisters to the maximum and don’t let anyone dull your sparkle! xoxo ;)

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What are some tips you have for scoping out littles? Our bid day was this past Sunday and people are already trying to claim littles. It's so stressful and I'm staying away from the drama and aggression but should I take as many out on lunch dates as possible? Or just go to bond nights? I just don't know how to go about it or how I even feel about taking a little. Thanks!! :)

Asked by

The big/little process is a lot like recruitment ~ competitive, stressful, hard work and no guarantees! I think you should participate at the level where you are comfortable. You don’t have to go crazy, but you also don’t want to totally sit back and do nothing. If possible, why don’t you narrow down your choices first. Rather than go on 30 lunch dates, maybe create a top 10 list? Right now you are feeling overwhelmed, but if you tackle this in a way you can manage, then you will feel much better. 

It’s not realistic for you to court the entire new member class! So review the pledges and pick your top ten for closer consideration. Then attend several get-to-know-you events and start your lunch date program. By controlling what you can handle, your stress level will go way down. Maybe some girls can do it all, but you don’t have to be an energizer bunny. Do the best that you can. All it takes is ONE special sister to call your own. 

Connect with some sweet new members who seem the most likely candidates. Maybe even look for a little who’s not part of your chapter’s current feeding frenzy. The quieter girl who is not being pursued so heavily. You can truly bless a new sister with your friendship and love by being her beautiful big. It will be worth it in the end, when the craziness is over! xoxo ;)

• How to Pick a Little ~ 23 Things to Consider

• Top 10 Ways to Be a “Model” Big

sorority Q&A: dealing with the worst phrase in greek life!

Q: was thinking about rushing next fall but some people are telling me that joining a sorority is just paying for friends. Any advice?

A: That phrase drives me CRAZY and it’s so inaccurate. I don’t know why it has been attached to greek life in particular and not all the other activites and clubs it could also apply to!? Many, many endeavors in life include bonding/connecting with other humans. Most organizations which provide fellowship need to charge dues to operate their club or team. Sororities are no different. Someone has to pay for the functioning of the group. The concept of joining a collection of members, and paying dues in a “society” or “association,” is as old as time! Greek life should not be singled out as odd in this regard.  

Greek membership involves lots of events, materials, meetings, socials, housing, meals, trips, clothing, gifts, jewelry and other expenses that must be paid for somehow. Like any other active group, a member is paying for the ‘necessities’ and ‘benefits,’ not just for meeting other members. Friendships are made through participation, just like belonging to a wine club, or a softball team. 

For anyone criticizing sorority life with the “paying for friends” phrase, please counter with some of the activites THEY may belong to and ask them if they are “paying for friends” when they attend their church group or professional club! Most people can’t help but belong to a few associations and end up making friends there. Here are a few examples: 

  • Paying for Church Friends: If you are a church member and contribute to the collection plate every Sunday, then you are “paying” for your church friends, dinners, choir, education program, staff, maintenance and social activities. 
  • Paying for Community Friends: If you belong to the Junior League, National Charity Legue, hospital support group, children’s museum guild, environmental club, humane society, rotary club, or any other local club where you pay dues and socialize with other people while volunteering, then you are “paying” for friends in the community. 
  • Paying for Sports Friends: If you join a gym, yoga class, swim team, cheerleading squad, competitive volleyball team, or any other type of paid athletic endeavor, and you make friends while you exercise/compete, then you are “paying” for your sports related friendships. 
  • Paying for Professional Friends: if you join a professional organization related to your career, use a job networking system, remain active in your alumnae group, join a career guild, or chamber of commerce in order to meet people, further your career and enjoy activites with fellow professionals, then you are “paying” for social and professional advancement and relationships.  
  • Paying for Recreational Friends: if you pay to join a golf club, racquet club, beach club, resort club, dining club, wine club, foodie club, book club, quilting club, travel club or any other group dedicated to leisure activites and fun, then you are “paying” for the pleasure of meeting people who also enjoy the same free time pursuits.  
  • Paying for Romantic Friends: if you use an online dating service, attend singles events, hang out in a pub/bar eating and drinking while hoping to meet someone, or take someone out to dinner and the movies, then you are “paying” for love and romantic connections.

Why join a sailing club when you can go boating by yourself? Why join an art appreciation group when you can visit the art museum on your own? Why join the watercolor club when you can sit alone in your room and paint? Aren’t you just paying for friends with the same interests?

As you can see, almost everything humans get involved in ~ which have dues/payments + plus social interaction ~ can be called "paying for friends." All other special interest clubs, societies and teams are the same as sororities in this regard. 

It’s true a person can attend college, or live in a city, with NO membership in any organizations. They randomly meet people through attending classes, (which they are paying for) or working in their career field. For some people that’s enough. But others prefer group activites and seek additional opportunities to meet like-minded friends! There is nothing wrong with that. Greek life helps so many girls find success and love away from home. And as many sorority sisters say “If I’m paying for friends, then I’m not paying enough!” xoxo ;)

I just joined a sorority as a junior and I love it! I only regret that I didn't do it sooner! Seeing the girls with their Bigs/Littles looks like such a great bond and I'm so excited to find out who my big is! Will I be able to have a Little even though I graduate in two years?

Asked by

Depending on your chapter’s need for big sisters, and how they organize their big/little program, you may be able to have a little one day! Some sororities limit the bigs to sophomores only. But if the demand exceeds the supply of big candidates, as a senior you could receive a little. Even though you will have only one year left on campus, many sisters love their senior bigs and wouldn’t have it any other way. Better a short but excellent relationship ~ than a long terrible one! 

Enjoy your own big and make the most of the two years you have as a pair. Even if you don’t get a little next year, your family line can still be fun and enriching. Two fantastic years in your sorority is a blessing. I’m so glad you decided to go greek! xoxo ;)

"As every thread of gold is valuable, so is every moment of time." ~ John Mason

I'm don't know what to do. I want to rush REALLY BAD but the financial cost of a sorority is stopping me. I didn't get much financial aid this year and money is a little tight right now. I'm kind of stuck. Any advice?

Asked by


A part time job is usually enough to help with sorority dues and fees! And increased full time employment during the summer is an excellent way to stockpile for the next year’s greek life.

On campus you can find jobs in the bookstore, the gym, dining hall, library, tutoring, lab work and more. Around every college town there are restaurants, bars, retail shops, entertainment centers, babysitting opportunities and much more. Online you may be able to sell things, offer services, or find other creative ways to earn money. In the summer you can be a camp counselor, lifeguard, nanny, clerk, assistant, waitress and many more jobs which college students hold during summer break. 

Earning your own money to pay for your sorority will make you appreciate it even more. Depending on your family’s finances, maybe your parents can help out a little if they see you are working hard to afford greek life. Parents normally respect the effort and will match what you earn on your own.  

If you want something REALLY BAD you must be willing to work hard for it. xoxo ;)

"Before the reward there must be labor. You plant before you harvest." ~ Ralph Ransom

"There is joy in work. There is no happiness except in the realization that we have accomplished something." ~ Henry Ford

I'm proud to say I got my bid from my #1, Alpha Xi Delta, last Friday! :) I'm so happy and excited, but I feel overwhelmed about trying to find my place in the sorority. Everyone is so close and many of the pledges seem to have good friends in the chapter already. It's only been a week, so I know there's still plenty of time to develop bonds, but I feel like the shyness I shed during recruitment is suddenly back in full force. What advice would you give someone trying to adjust to greek life?

Asked by

What you are experiencing happens frequently when a new member is suddenly thrown into this large group of strangers without the formal structure of recruitment. Most girls don’t don’t know many other new members or sisters, even though you feel like the only one. It’s normal to flounder a little bit early on.

I recommend finding one or two other new members to buddy up with right away. It’s like being friends with your roommate when you first move into a dorm. All you need are a few closer friends to ease your awkwardness. Look for other new sisters who don’t seem to “know everyone.” You can’t bond with the entire chapter all at once, so making your first connections more attainable will really help. 

You should also be on the look out for potential Big sister candidates. Attend every chapter event, put yourself out there and explore the possibilities. Once you have a big, she will take you under her wing and help make your transition smoother. The best way to make a few friends and find a future big is to say yes, yes, yes to every invitation, meeting and event! In the beginning, it’s so important to participate and establish your reputation as an involved and enthusiastic new member. It will set the tone for your membership going forward.

Keep in mind the sorority will also help you to meet sisters through a class retreat, games, meetings and socials. As long as you attend, you will find your niche eventually. So much of finding sorority happiness comes from just showing up! xoxo ;)

"Victory belongs to the most persevering." ~ Napoleon