669 posts tagged chapter
Q: So last year I was a snap bid for the sorority I wanted to be in the most. For some reason I feel kind of embarrassed and angry because I know three girls who didn’t want me apart of their chapter & they were the only ones preventing me to get in. They made up rumors about how desperate I was to get into the sorority. Any advice on how I get over the embarrassment and anger?
A: There is NO reason to be embarrassed about taking a snap bid! Thank god things worked out for you following bid day. And to join your favorite chapter on top of it all. I’m sorry a few nasty sisters are ruining things for you. Once a girl is “in” there is no reason to trash a fellow member over how she joined the chapter. It just doesn’t matter.
In one sense they are right ~ you were eager to get into the most fabulous sorority on campus! What’s wrong with that? It’s also the chapter THEY decided to choose as their #1. When you break it down, their gossip is ridiculous. All of your sisters were excited and dying to pledge your chapter at one time or another.
To recover from this incident, keep these things in mind… Three sisters do not represent the entire chapter in any way. In every sorority, there will be members you don’t get along with. Not all PNMs are accepted with 100% agreement. There are always debates and opposing opinions on some members. You will see this in action when you’re on the other side of formal recruitment this year. Some new members are “controversial” coming into the chapter for different reasons. But hopefully time heals all wounds.
✿ Top 9 Tips for Overcoming Sorority Embarrassments: ✿
- Keep the event in the PAST. All embarrassments are from something that happened “before.” If you can put the incident there and shut the door, you will feel better. Live in the present and give no credence to the past. By staying in the moment, you will stop being tortured over what happened a year ago.
- Agree & laugh about the incident. If you hear any gossip about how you joined, laugh and say "You’re so right. I was dying to get into the very best sorority on campus and be sisters with all of you!" If you can have a sense of humor about your embarrassment, it will cease to be mortifying. Laugh at yourself. Laugh at your silly sisters. Humor and agreement makes the entire controversy go away.
- Stop apologizing. There is nothing to be sorry for. Don’t feel like you have to defend yourself. You did nothing wrong. A majority of sisters wanted you to join and they voted you IN. Done deal. Sorry some sisters don’t like it, but that’s their problem. No more feeling bad over doing the right thing and accepting a snap bid. What were you suppose to do, turn it down?
- Be bold - be you. Get over what happened a year ago and start putting yourself “out there” in your chapter. Take action to contradict the old story. Run for office, take a chair position, get involved in the Panhellenic, join some campus clubs, etc… Start being so productive, the past fades away. Prove how valuable you are to your sorority. Step up and show everyone you’re an asset to your sisterhood. Stamp out the ugliness with positive actions to the contrary.
- Put things into perspective. In order to reduce your stressful feelings about this specific incident, think about other embarrassing moments you’ve had. Write a list of your other painful/awkward experiences. Like the time you were the only one to show up in a Halloween costume. Or, the time your high school boyfriend dumped you in front of everyone at a pep rally. Once you realize that unpleasant things happen in life, it will put this one issue into its proper place in the grand scale of things.
- Give up on perfectionism. One reason you feel bad is that you didn’t join in the picture perfect way the other girls did in your pledge class. The criticisms hit a nerve, because you feel self conscious about being a snap bid new member. Forgive yourself! Maybe you didn’t make the first draft, but you still joined the team. Not every life event goes as planned in storybook fashion. Forget living up to some idealistic version of sorority life and start enjoying reality.
- Stop being afraid. Embarrassment is basically fear of being thought of poorly by others. You are afraid of being “lesser than.” Face your fears, accept that you can’t undo the past and move forward with strength. You have the power to control your emotions. You can stamp out your anxiety. Grab control of your own thoughts and don’t let others define you. Be proud of your membership and don’t let anyone take that away from you.
- Talk it out. Talk about your feelings with a trusted sister and get it off your chest. This can help you come to terms with how you started your greek life. If possible, extend an olive branch to the three sisters who are gossiping about you and clear the air. Reach out to them with love and forgiveness. If you kill them with kindness, and reach a truce, the anger will cease on all sides.
- Find inspiration. Look for other sisters/new members who are struggling and help them with their problems. If you look beyond the mirror, and focus on other people’s challenges, it will reduce your own worries. Giving is the best medicine. There are probably sisters in your chapter who have much more serious issues. Be the shoulder to cry on and the helper in times of need. All of sudden your reputation is restored and your anger has disappeared. Living your creed is ultimate answer to moving on!
These tips are helpful for all kinds of recruitment and chapter embarrassments. Personal blunders and set backs happen to everyone. Don’t let the residual emotions from an unhappy event taint your sorority life. Regrets, doubts and mistakes are part of reality. The key is to not let them rule the day. Work through your issues, so you can get back to having the glorious greek life you always wanted! xoxo ;)
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