Q: I’m a founding member of a colony of a science and engineering sorority at my school, but a lot of the other girls treat this as a club. I even caught girls who were giving out information saying that we aren’t really a sorority. How can I make these girls that are holding us back get with the program?! It’s super frustrating and it seems like sisterhood means nothing to them. It’s made my twin want to drop and I don’t want to lose her.
A: the #1 thing you need to do ASAP is strengthen your RITUALS. what differentiates a sorority from a club are the unique traditions that emphasize the mystical bonds, special sisterhood and the importance of keeping these practices 100% confidential. the “secretive” nature of the rituals give added importance and meaning to your greek organization. without them, you are just a girl’s club. also important are the songs, poems, creed, history, stories, mascot, symbol, flowers, candlelight and everything else that makes a greek group one-of-a-kind! i am not an expert on science/engineering sororities ~ but i am assuming you have a full ritual program as a ‘greek’ organization!
your flaky members are not taking your creed and sorority standards seriously enough. they are breaking the code of honor which is expected of all greek members. if you have advisors and alumnae available, i would get them involved right away. before your colony falls apart, you need a heavy dose of loyalty rituals. your members should value the meaning and emotions behind your greek letters.
if you don’t have enough traditions to “hook” your new members into your chapter, it’s time to establish some! you could start with a chapter spring retreat after christmas break. you should add more sisterhood events, more weekly bonding sessions, more member recognition, etc… etc… launching a colony and making it stick is a BIG job! i just hope your organization has enough substance to keep members loyal and true.
make a list of all the things you think will attract and retain your members. even things like lawn letters, greek jewelry, paddles and tee shirts add to generating chapter love, pride and spirit! make sure you have ALL the sugar components you need to function properly on campus. being a founding member is a privilege and an honor. i hope you can light a fire in your sisters to see it that way!! xoxo ;)
Q: I live with my “Big Sis.” Since moving in together, our relationship has blown up and disintegrated entirely. She doesn’t talk to me, so I don’t talk to her. I’ve extended the olive branch countless times and now have pretty much dropped her as my Big. We were the strongest Big/Little pairing. Now she doesn’t speak to me and only hangs out with her other Little. It really hurts when I see her post pictures from it. I want to start my own line, but am really attached to our family name. :(
A: i honestly believe that best friends and close big/littles should NOT live together. that was your undoing. i know there are always exceptions, but in general it’s better to keep close friends a little separate from roommates and business transactions. it’s just as tough doing business with good friends or family. some people do it, but there is a high risk for damaging the relationship.
the sister you loved going out with is totally different to live with. she leaves dirty dishes in the sink, she never cleans the shower, she has guys over at all hours, she plays music way to loud, etc… the list never ends for living together irritations. private lifestyles vary widely and sometimes being “too close” can cause relationship strain. total togetherness can be a friendship killer. i have found that a neutral, independent person who you’re friendly with, but not super close, makes the best roommate. then it becomes just about respect, reliability and cleanliness. with the strong emotions taken out of it.
if you can stop living together, your relationship may be repaired. i know one big/little pair who tried living together, got on each other’s nerves, moved out the next semester and are now closer than ever! if you both can forgive and forget the towels on the floor and favorite food eaten without permission ~ then you have a chance to mend your once strong bond. you need space and time.
please don’t make any rash decisions, like starting a new family line, until you gain some perspective. let things calm down and heal before doing anything drastic. i still think there is hope! look into alternative roommates and just let things ride for awhile. when you each have your own space, then start slowly with a few friendly gestures. by being patient and loving, you can hopefully become kind to each other again. let forgiveness guide you and your existing family tree can remain in tact. xoxo ;)
Hi! I am wondering if you can tell me anything about recruitment requirements for Alpha Sigma Tau. I am going to be a part-time student next semester and I have been to a few events for AST, because I have to work in order to go to school, I am only able to go to school part-time this semester. I was told I have to be full-time, but I haven't gotten a for sure answer... Any advice?
the standards for NPC chapters require that PNMs be enrolled full time in classes. that usually means 12 credits or more. if there is ANY way you can juggle a flexible job and classes, you could also enjoy the benefits of greek life while you’re a college student. the time goes by so fast, and this is the only opportunity you have to be a collegiate sorority member.
many girls work, take a full class load and participate in greek life. it all depends on how you schedule your time. for example, if you can work a job on the weekends and/or nights, that would leave more time for classes during the day. or work during the day and take classes at night. or a combo of both! you may be just one class away from full time status. with extra thought and effort, i have faith you can make it work. IF you are really interested in going greek, then switching jobs, changing work schedules and adding a class or two ~ is what you need to do. where there’s a will there’s a way.
you have the next 50 years to work full time. you only have 4 years as an undergraduate. i really admire your work ethic, but for this brief period of time, i hope you can enjoy all the benefits of sisterhood and good times as well. your university days are some of the most memorable times of your life! xoxo ;)
Q: I was a new member this semester for my sorority, and we had to make the choice for our collegiate chapter to close Bc of issues. I was offered a choice to be initiated or to be released from my bid, I chose to be initiated, so I am an alumna. Now that we have no chapter, all the girls hate each other. People fight constantly. I was close with my sisters, nobody speaks to each other anymore. I’m sad Bc I had no collegiate experience at all and I don’t even have any close sisters that I thought I would. What to do?
A: oh no! this is the worst news on top of the worst news. i wish your sisters could just be friends, even if there isn’t a functioning chapter. is that too much to ask? apparently so… let’s focus on 3 points to make the best of a bad situation!!
- can you salvage two or three good friends out of the college group? if you could rally several girlfriends/sisters out of this mess, maybe you can still fulfill your longing for sisterhood. if a handful of you could start a mini-club and meet for good times, it would be fantastic. rally around your bond of membership, or start something new like a dinner club, craft club, or book club. find something that will bring you together. loose the fighting sisters and target the BEST girls for your little informal group.
- can you connect with alums in your area? are there any possibilities in your surrounding region for alumnae involvement? maybe you can volunteer with recruitment at a nearby campus, help different chapters in your state, work on establishing a colony at another university, or just meet for lunch and sisterhood with other alums. contact your advisors and regional representatives to see what your options are. seek out any activities you can!
- please take the long view! on a positive note, you are a sorority member for LIFE. it seems depressing right now, but one day when you move to a new city after graduation and you don’t know a single person, your alumnae membership will come in very handy. it could be a lifesaver. your sorority connections may help you land your dream job one day, or bring you a new friend when you’re home with small children and really need another mommy to bond with. maybe you can even work with your national organization in some way. or serve in a panhellenic capacity. there are long range greek things that you can do that will lift your spirits and fill the void you are experiencing now. all is not lost!
i recommend you try everything you can to make lemonade out of your lemons. start small, do your sorority research and embrace every little treasure you can. don’t spend any more time with the arguing sisters. also, join some totally NEW clubs as well ~ which will give you a fresh start and launch you in a different direction. focus your vision straight ahead and make your present and your future as bright as possible! xoxo ;)
Q: My big and I are very close, some say too close. But I cannot stand her 2 best friends. They are not in our sorority and I can’t stand being around them. They are fake and have done things behind her back while she’s been abroad this semester. I want to tell her how I feel about them but she only thinks the best of them. They aren’t nice and I’ve tried to be nice to them & friendly but it just isn’t working. They are all living together next year & I don’t know how to handle it.
A: unfortunately if you tell someone something they don’t want to hear, they end up blaming the messenger, instead of those truly at fault. i think that’s what would happen if you laid it on the line with your big about these so called “friends.” you can gently mention a few things, or hint at their bad character, but unless she’s willing to accept the truth, it won’t sink in. if you bring up, and she is still blinded, then you could end up looking jealous and petty. your big needs to discover for herself who her true friends are.
time will tell. if you remain a loyal and steadfast sister, these girls will probably show their true colors to your big sooner or later. and you will be there as a friend to vent to/shoulder to cry on. if they are all living together next year, the truth will probably come out. patience is your key word right now. be cheerful, act normally and be the better friend in all ways. if these girls suddenly mature and start acting nice, then fabulous! but if trouble increases in the future, your big will need you as a REAL friend.
one final thought ~ your big is getting something out of her relationship with these 2 girls. they have a history. and until the negatives outweigh the positives, you will need to bide your time. try seeing them through your big’s eyes. do they make her laugh? are they really fun to party with? are they glamorous and chic? do they have great connections to cute guys? there must be some attraction. focus on their best traits and stay calm. keep in mind ~ you don’t have to socialize with them. it’s ok to carve out some big/little ‘alone time’ and steer clear of any negativity. xoxo ;)
Q: The executive board of my sorority recently voted me out as VP of Service because they didn’t like the way I was creating service projects or how I was handling my position. They said that complaints from membership were the reason they voted me out, but when a friend asked around, no one had complained about me, except the girls on e-board behind my back. Now I feel awkward being at chapter (given that it’s the middle of a term) and just doing normal sister events. Advice??
A: if you can take a “break” from your chapter for a while, without officially dropping out, it will give you a time to heal. i recommend you take one step back ~ to regroup, take a deep breath and quiet your nerves from what must be a very upsetting situation. i am so sorry this has happened! i wish your leadership had given you more time to change your approach and correct the things you were doing wrong, instead of booting you off the e-board. their actions seem quite extreme. and very shady the way they trumped up a false reason too.
luckily it’s almost christmas break and you will naturally be away from your sorority for several weeks. it couldn’t be better timing. when you are home, you can calmly think about what has happened and how to act when you go back to school.
from what you describe, it sounds like you were the victim of some unpleasant chapter politics. the sisterhood at large does NOT have a problem with you. that’s good news! there are plenty of sisters left to hang out with. focus on your favorite sisters who are not on the e-board. start fresh with the girls who are the farthest removed from your chapter officers. there are always numerous friend groups/cliques within a sorority. you need to connect with the sweetest, nicest sub-set you can find! look for security and healing with sisters who support you.
after break, let the past go and dedicate yourself to making a fresh start. spend your time with the BEST sisters and don’t dwell on what happened this semester. let the officers stress and strain over chapter leadership, while you relax, enjoy yourself and have FUN. not having you as a VP is their loss. you’re on to bigger and better things… free of all that drama and conflict, you will probably be much happier in the end! xoxo ;)
Q: My sorority has had a lot of issues this semester that had me considering dropping letters. I was finally coming back around but we’ve had plans for three weeks to induct a new sweetheart this week and all of sudden someone posted on Facebook that we should move it to Saturday. The main reasons being that some people have had a long week of classes, an alum (who inducted every single sweetheart until now) will be here, and they’ll be able to celebrate (drink) more on Saturday.
The problem is there’s a sister who’s transferring next year and this may be the only sweetheart she could ever induct. I tried to defend her side but no one cares at all. The president, the only one who could overrule it, completely ignored the post even after she was tagged saying it was up to her. I’m honestly having trouble believing something so ridiculous even happened. Things like this make me think I joined the wrong group of girls but my sisters have already ambushed me with an intervention. They confronted me about always being mad about something and I’m basically viewed as the bitchy uptight sister for being the one who’s not afraid to put my foot down and bluntly say how I feel about our internal problems.
I’m loosing all faith in this sorority and I don’t see anything else I can do to help that. What would you suggest?
A: it’s not just your sisterhood, most sororities have these issues. when there’s a large group of girls you are guaranteed to have conflicts, different opinions, drama, last minute changes, power struggles and more! if it’s any consolation, members act like this everywhere. so you didn’t join the wrong sisterhood ~ you joined A sisterhood!
you are experiencing first hand what it’s like to be a member of an opinionated group. this will prepare you for your future career and “grown up” life where you will have to co-exist with a wide variety of people ~ all with their own agendas, priorities and self interests. to keep peace and keep your sanity, you need to find a balance between putting your foot down once in a while and being a constant agitator. you have an extra strong sense of right and wrong and it’s getting in the way of chapter harmony. your sisters want you to be happy and you want to be less stressed. only by compromising will all of you be at peace. here are some additional tips for improving your situation ~
- pick your battles: unless you are chapter president, most of these scheduling and event issues are not your concern. limit your anxiety to only the very biggest sorority dilemmas which effect you directly. save the fit throwing for dire circumstances. that way you won’t be the chapter nag or the girl who cried wolf.
- relax and step back: yes, your sisters may be inconsiderate and always messing things up, but it’s not your problem. when you belong to a group, you have to be flexible enough to go “with” the group on many issues. constantly criticizing and rocking the boat makes others upset and gives you a bad reputation. this is just part of group dynamics.
- don’t be a know it all: if you always find fault and express it loudly, you become the ‘negative nancy’ of your sorority. this wears thin and leads to the intervention you recently experienced. you appear unhappy and displeased all the time. even though you’re right ~ even though you could do it better ~ even though your sisters keep making bad decisions ~ even though it’s not right or fair!! being right all the time doesn’t lead to loving friendships and a happy greek life.
- try the indirect approach: learning how to work the politics of a sorority is important for effecting change. charging around taking a righteous stand and preaching from your soap box only puts a target on your back. you can have the same opinions and goals, just try a more diplomatic way of accomplishing them. your current method is not working. be more stealth, more kind and more sweet talking when expressing your views. arguing and confrontation never works well with other girls.
- time to grow: this is your opportunity for learning patience and improving your people skills. save your opinions for life and death issues only, run for office so you have the authority to back up your views, work on positive projects which will improve your chapter from within. you can move mountains with hard work and a positive glass-half-full attitude. try it for one semester and see what happens. i think you will feel better, have more impact and your sisters will be more open to your opinions. sometimes it’s all HOW you say it ~ with a smile or a frown!
it’s important for every sorority to boost moral and keep chapter spirits high! recognize your sisters, make them smile and spread sisterhood cheer with these sorority sugar sunshine ideas ~
❀✿ top 20 sunshine & spirit inspirations: ❀✿
- sister of the week: at each chapter meeting, one sister is selected to receive compliments from all the other sisters. these can be placed in a “snap cup” by passing it around to the members.
- achiever of the week: chapter meeting recognition of one sister who has gone above and beyond to help the sorority that week.
- sunshine bulletin board: spotlight spirited sisters on a specially designed corkboard. post weekly inspirational quotes, share sorority art and other visually inspiring pieces.
- weekly treat delivery: surprise your sisters with random room delivery of candy or other favorite chapter treats. theme the candy to your sorority and make unpredictable “sisterhood fairy” deliveries.
- chapter book of wisdom: interview your sisters and ask them what the sorority means to them. compile the quotes, inspiration and short stories into a book to be shared in the future with new members. make it extra special by adding a few photographs and creating a hardback version via an online website.
- once a month crazy trophy: create a silly trophy for a unique spirit award each month. theme the trophy to the behavior each time. for example ~ a plunger shaped trophy for the sister who solved a plumbing problem, a crown for the sister who won homecoming queen, a giant pencil for the sister who was published in the campus newspaper, etc…
- compose a special chapter song or poem: write a one-of-a-kind tribute to the sorority, or enlist the help of a talented sister who can write the verse. stage a performance of the new song or host a special poetry reading.
- send flowers: bethoughtful to other greeks on campus, alumnae, chapter guests and sisters for every extra important occasion. celebrate successes, say special thanks and respectfully remember RIPs. the not so happy events should be recognized with respect and dignity.
- monthly sunshine banner: paint a super cute banner to display your spirit message of the month, wish your sisters good luck, inspire the membership, or spotlight your most spirited sisters.
- mail a family letter: without telling the spotlighted sister, mail a letter of praise to her family back home. this extra touch will mean a lot to her family and to the sister too.
- create a celebration calendar: craft a large/framed wall calendar and hang it in a central place in the sorority house. use colorful post-it notes to tag daily recognitions, encouragements and inspirations.
- personalized sunshine: with custom/DIY design websites, it’s so easy to create a one-of-kind gift for a special sister. order a personalized tee shirt, mug or tote bag especially for a sunshine sister. use funny photos in your design too.
- pass a token: create a unique sorority mascot ‘spirit stick type’ token that can be passed from sister to sister each week for having a great attitude, or doing special things for the chapter. this object should be funny, uplifting and highly desired.
- sunshine slogan of the semester: each sunshine chair should create a PR slogan for the semester or for the year. this theme should be carried through to social media posts, awards, announcements, etc. for example "our teamwork, makes ZTA dreamwork.", "become what you dream with Theta", "believe you can with DZ" "if you can dream it, you can achieve it with KKG", etc.
- chapter newsletter: create a one sheet sunshine newsletter to be slipped into everyone’s mail cubbies once a month or quarterly. keep news only happy and bright. this publication is meant to spread cheer, not for nagging or complaints.
- birthday bliss: recognize every sister’s birthday on all your sorority social media. create a special graphic “frame” to take your birthday posts to the next level. show special love within the sorority too. balloons are super cheap and always make a birthday more fun. a monthly birthday banner, or fun poster with photos adds to the birthday tributes.
- establish a sorority anthem: all of the chapter songs and chants are wonderful, but having a special contemporary song for lifting spirits is a great idea. choose from songs such as “We Are the Champions”, “We Are Family”, “Girls Just Wanna to Have Fun”, “Lean on Me”, “Wind Beneath My Wings”… or another song that’s special to your sisterhood.
- chapter book exchange: set up a special shelf or two for sisters to share novels and other books they love and want to swap. this is even easier than a monthly book club. it’s more like a chapter library. no text books allowed, this exchange is just for fun and relaxation.
- lunch & learn: several times a year, schedule an inspirational speaker or interesting lesson along with a box lunch picnic. have an expert motivate your sisters or teach them something new like a craft, dance or self defense. invite alums to share in this activity too.
- bestow inexpensive blessings: lift moral by awarding treats that don’t cost the chapter very much (or nothing) ~ but make members happy. for example, breakfast in bed, a hand car wash, prime parking spot, seat of honor at a meeting or special event, recognition on campus or outside the sorority house, standing ovation at a meeting, home cooked dinner delivered by an alum, fresh coffee delivery for a week, specially decorated paper crown, chapter portrait signed by all the members, top to bottom dorm room cleaning, “free passes” from a chapter requirement or a special chapter privilege granted!
my school has only two recognized sororities. I rushed one before and Didn't get a bid because they didn't like how i had friends in the other sorority. I rushed the second sorority because i realized that they infact would be a better fit for me. However I did not get a bid there either because the sisters knew that i had previously rushed the other sorority. Any tips on how I can rush this sorority again and show them i am committed to rushing their sorority and that i am not a flip flopper?
with only 2 sororities to choose from, you are in a bit of a bind. it’s sad that with only 2, you can’t have friends in both chapters! they should work in harmony, and not be so pitted against each other. sounds like both sisterhoods are rather petty when it comes to your involvement with the other!
if sorority #2 is the best fit, then all you can do is rush again and explain your situation. all PNMs entertain the possibility of belonging to several different chapters, that doesn’t make them less loyal when they finally pledge one. it’s like being at a party and dancing with several partners. you test drive a number of sororities before rush and during recruitment to see if they’re a good fit. this should not be held against you!
if you can get a bid, you will not be a flip flopper because you will then be emotionally and financially committed to that particular chapter. i would go with whichever chapter is willing to accept your past experience and offer you membership. they sound very similar in the way they are behaving. so try your best with the one you think you’ll have the greatest success. then you can finally start enjoying greek life! xoxo ;)
Q: My little and my GrandLittle are constantly fighting, there’s times where they won’t talk to each other and I’m caught in the middle. The things they fight about are so silly, and then the other gets mad and won’t speak to her for several days. It’s so dramatic. And we are all in our 20s! I’m not sure what I should do being the neutral between the two.
A: i am reminded of the quote ~ "idle hands are the devil’s playground.” your sisters have waaaay toooo much time on their hands if they get that offended over such trivial things. life’s too short for all this unimportant drama. i think the best thing you could do is get your family involved with something bigger than themselves. your little and glittle need to break out of their self centered bubble. by not having important interests or goals, they are caught in this soap opera like behavior. “busy hands” don’t dwell on bickering!
with your inspiration, i suggest you ALL take up a new hobby, join the hiking club, try out for an intramural sports team, get behind a political cause, volunteer on campus, enroll in a new exercise class (how about belly dancing?), get a part time job, tutor young people, start attending church ~ or anything else to broaden your horizons and expand your vision! take the lead in motivating your sisters to enrich themselves. if everyone was extremely busy saving abandoned animals, playing soccer, or learning to play the guitar ~ no on would have time for this nonsense.
and the best thing about being on a university campus is the availability of options at your fingertips! there are always TONS of clubs, classes, interest groups, teams and other opportunities laid out like a buffet for your choosing. get more involved with your sorority too. if your sisters were immersed in planning formal recruitment, or managing the chapter budget, they would be happily distracted.
take the lead. be a role model. if your sisters won’t follow, then at least you will be out of their petty problem zone. don’t be sucked in by their unhappiness any longer. forge a new path, encourage them to go on the journey with you and move forward to a happier place. your 20s should be about maturing and achieving. time to leave the high school antics behind! xoxo ;)
My Gbig just decided to "disown" my big due to a lot of problems in their relationship. My g has another little, but I am at a loss for what to do because as the glittle, I want to stay close to her and my big even though their relationship is over. I'm so torn and depressed that my family's falling apart :( SOS
YOU should stay close to whoever you want!! just because there is a separation in your family, doesn’t mean you have to throw everyone overboard. probably you will need to see your feuding sisters separately, but it can be done. by being diplomatic you should be able to continue your relationships.
i hope and pray that through your loving example, some of these riffs can be mended. set a good example for your gbig, big and the other little. if you can keep the peace, be kind and live your creed ~ maybe they will catch on! walking the walk is always the best way to counter this kind of discord. you might also consider calling a family “summit” to bring everyone together. especially during the holiday season, mending fences might be possible. it all depends on the personality of your sisters and the openness of their hearts! xoxo ;)
I'm starting to look at job applications and information needed for them. Different people recommend that you have a list of hobbies and interests ready in case you are asked in interviews. I want to make sure that I am genuine, but I also want to seem professional and well-put together. Can you think of how to put a professional spin on sorority hobbies like crafting, hanging out, and bonding? It would help me out a bunch!
crafting is definitely a recognized “hobby” and “interest!” you should also list your specialties such as art & painting if you paint canvases and coolers. you may also be gifted in sewing, crafting memo boards, or decoupage. list all your creative talents…
- designed tee shirts, chapter website, or facebook graphics = graphic design experience!
- volunteered for ____ & ____ list each philanthropy individually and what you actually “did” for them, instead of just listing general volunteering. for example ~ you organized a taco dinner to raise funds for XYZ charity, read books every month to hospitalized children, hosted a senior citizens holiday party, collected and sold prom dresses to underprivileged teens. name the organization, what you did and the skills you developed which = real life employment experience. show that you can work well with others, lead a team to success, reach fundraising goals, plan and organize, be dedicated to a project over a period of time, etc…
- leadership ~ if you’ve held ANY position in your chapter, make sure to list it and what skills you gained from it. even the smallest job can be truthfully embellished to include leadership, teamwork, creativity and/or managing a budget.
- recruitment gives a sorority girl LOTS of people skills and an outgoing personality. detail how many girls your chapter recruited each year, the planning involved and the interviewing skills you developed to be a top recruiter. salesmanship, publicity, marketing and promotion is also part of recruitment. these things apply directly to most businesses!
- panhellenic and/or fraternity partnerships on all-greek events such as anchor splash, greek week, turtle tug, derby days, or an annual marathon = valuable skills. be sure to include your duties and what you gained from the experience. teamwork and organization are important in partnering with other chapters.
- alum interaction = you work well with all ages and you can relate to older people.
- attending greek socials = you are an active and involved person (not a couch potato). if you decorated and made costumes = creativity and ingenuity.
- sisterhood participation in retreats, study sessions and educational programs = personal development, eagerness to learn, team building, loyalty to an organization, quest for knowledge. ALL things a company values highly in an employee!
- honoring rituals, traditions and standards = respect for the past, living by a code of decent behavior, striving for excellence and obeying the rules. being a greek in good standing shows you are an accomplished person who will be a dedicated and loyal employee.
- writing songs, lyrics, poems, articles, or press releases for the chapter = musical talents and valuable writing ability.
- making lawn letters, banners, or other large scale projects = hands on experience, skilled craftsman, artistic talent.
- in general other things you have learned from greek life include: time management skills, discipline, dedication to academics, strong interpersonal skills, patience, setting goals and reaching them, being able to keep a confidence, proper social media etiquette, self confidence, friendliness, generosity, tolerance and respect for others. the list goes on & on!
any employer should be impressed by the experience and the traits which a sorority member brings to the table. emphasize the positive and put your BEST self forward!
Hi! I'm planning to go through formal recruitment but I'm currently using a cane to help me walk, will my potential sisters see that in a disadvantage to have me in their sorority? I'm nervous that I won't get a bid because of that.
a cane won’t be a problem in joining a sorority. many chapters have sisters in wheelchairs! a sorority is a social organization, not a sports team, so you will not be at any disadvantage. as long as your personality sparkles you will be fine.
i would advise having your “story” ready to share, since you may be asked about your condition purely from interest. practice a brief, upbeat explanation and have it ready for recruitment. you want to keep it light, make the sister you’re speaking to feel comfortable and let her know your cane is not a roadblock, or a impediment for you living a full life. if you put others at ease, they will not have an issue with it at all! xoxo ;)
Q: I love my big, but on big/little reveal she told me that she wanted this other girl and she wanted twins. Then she went on to tell me that when I get a little I shouldn’t be surprised if she picks another little. I told her that it bothers me when she talks about everyone else she wanted. And even though everyone in our family and sorority thinks we are perfect for each other, I don’t want to lose her to another little. I don’t know how to solve this problem.
A: NOT ALL THOUGHTS NEED TO BE SPOKEN! your big did not need to share her inner desire for more littles, different littles and new littles. it was the height of rude. anyone who would tell you this to your face is fully capable of acting on it. so please prepare yourself for the inevitable twin one day soon. i know it’s harsh, but your big is just forewarning you about what she intends to do. not polite, not nice and personally very insulting ~ but probably 100% truthful.
some people like your big believe it’s ok to express every thought, every regret and every desire ~ no matter who it hurts or offends. in the name of self expression, some girls say everything they think, they post every urge on facebook, text and tweet every disappointment and feel it’s their right to make personal proclamations at all times. they have no edit button and feel entitled.
polite behavior is what keeps people from blasting these inner pouts to everyone else. obviously your big did not learn this. but now the truth is out. she has broadcast her intentions and you should prepare for a twin. you’ve spoken to her already and there is not much else you can do. please think of a new little as a warm and wonderful addition to your family line. instead of “loosing” your big, you are adding more joy to your life. if you put a positive spin on it, you can accept what’s coming. you can still have a decent relationship with your big on some level, if you don’t take what she says to heart. stay friendly, but please explore other friendships within your chapter at the same time. i hope you can find other sisters who will value you as a person and put YOU #1. xoxo ;)
Q: This year I got the greatest gift a recruitment chair could ask for: a doubled chapter size! And I also got a 2nd little (I’m a senior who got her first little sophomore year). I’m very close with my older little, we live together. My new little is best friends with my glittle and they spend all their time together. I haven’t been able to bond since anytime I invite her, my glittle comes along. How do I tell my glittle to let me bond with my new little alone?
A: to be fair, you have a very close “partner” in your first little who is also your roommate. girls prefer to pair up, so your new little has found her “partner” with your glittle. there are 2 pairs here. you are focusing on your glittle as the problem, but she may not be tagging along or butting in. your 2nd little may be inviting her to socialize as a buddy. she likes to be with her bestie, just like you do!
here are a few things to try ~
- plan a fun event for all 4 of you! start with bonding as 2 pairs. girls enjoy a foursome for socializing. do something fun for the holiday season as 2 + 2 sisters.
- ask your new little to do something special, just the two of you. it’s ok to request a twosome date. go for hot chocolate and shopping for example. just be honest and say you want to spend some one-on-one time together.
- make sure you give priority to your 2nd little, just as you’re asking her to do towards you. you may subconsciously favor your first little and it shows. if you want to bond with little #2, you have to open your arms wide and make her feel just as special. she may be really intimidated by your super close relationship with little #1 with good reason.
- don’t make your glittle the problem. the way to reach your 2nd little may be through the door of glittle. love the sister ~ love her closest friend too. if you court your glittle, the bonding with your new little will follow. learn how to maneuver through the friendship maze to reach your goal of a closer relationship with your new little.
- embrace group think! in the end, a 'more the merrier' approach may be the best answer for you. if you can hang out and socialize as 3 or 4 sisters who love each other ~ then enjoy the additional friendships and added experiences. when it comes to friends, you can’t have enough!