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Hi, I am wondering about partying before recruitment. What are the rules about attending parties the couple weeks before fall formal recruitment? Like fraternity parties and just parties in general where you may see women in sororities you are planning on rushing? Could it cause issues (either make them not want you or make you ineligible)? I'm not planning on making a mess of myself at parties, but I just mean being there in general and maybe having one drink.

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As a PNM you can attend parties up to a certain point before recruitment. The sorority members also have a period of time when they cannot attend parties, or go to local bars, so they don’t mingle with PNMs. The sisters will know exactly when they can’t socialize before/during recruitment. For PNM restrictions you should check with your Recruitment Handbook. The information should also be discussed at your PNM Orientation. Another option is to ask your Rho Gamma/Gamma Chi directly. There us a dry period on most campuses, and you need to know when it’s enforced. 

It’s better to error on the side of caution than to get yourself into any PNM trouble. There’s no need to bend the rules and party too close to recruitment. Verify the no-party timeline on your campus and stick to it. Right before rush you don’t want to be socializing with sisters, accidentally drinking too much, hanging out at the wrong place, or damaging your reputation in any way. Not worth the risk. Anything can happen after a few drinks. Even if sorority sisters are not present, they will hear about events from their fraternity friends. Greeks have a wide network of communication and there are very few secrets. Word travels fast on the greek grapevine. As a PNM you don’t want to be on that grapevine prior to recruitment. 

If you need a drink right before rush, enjoy a glass of wine in your dorm room with your roommate. There will be lots and lots of parties to attend after bid day. Better to be safe than sorry. A sober PNM with a sterling reputation is priceless. Let the good times roll… later! xoxo ;)

sorority Q&A: national sorority + a local sorority?

Q: I go to a school where we have all national sororities on campus and I am a member of Delta Zeta. Where I am thinking of transferring has no national sororities only local ones. I love my sisters dearly but would I still be allowed to join a local chapter at my new school? I know you’re not allowed to join other national chapters but didn’t know about local. Also, would I still be a sister of DZ as well cause I don’t want to end my affiliation with them.

A: You would need to check your specific DZ bylaws, but I believe you can join another non-NPC chapter. The issue is ~ would you really want to? To keep both memberships alive, you would be paying double the dues. Even if your DZ status switches to early-alum, it’s still spending money for two memberships. And you would start all over again as a PNM, buy a new pin, learn another chapter’s history, go through initiation, etc… A local social sorority is so similar to your current greek life, I can’t image doing everything again. Your loyalties would be severally tested. It could be very uncomfortable, your DZ sisters wouldn’t appreciate you joining another sorority and the smaller chapter/local greek community will probably pale in comparison to the amazing experience you’ve had in DZ. Confusing, weird and unfaithful are the words that come to mind when I image doing what you’re considering.

First, I encourage you to research colleges WITH your sorority! There are about a zillion universities in the USA and I’m sure there are a few which have your academics and your greek organization. Why not continue to enjoy the sisterhood you committed to and love? You can “have it all” on a different campus. There are only 4 short years in which a sister can experience the joys of collegiate membership. Alumnae participation is nothing like it. Why cut your happy time short? Another option is to reconsider staying on your current campus since you have a loving chapter. It’s not easy finding compatible sisters. I wouldn’t toss your original chapter away lightly. 

Secondly, IF the college with only local sororities is the place for you, then I suggest looking into OTHER groups/clubs to join. You don’t have to pick another social sorority to have fun and meet people. Look at special interest clubs, sports, hobbies, or pre-professional organizations. Consider joining a co-ed group. That will give you a totally different experience and you won’t feel like you’re cheating on DZ. Make your transfer an opportunity to explore new things, including how you make friends.

If there are no national sororities on campus, then greek life is not a big deal there. You would do better to join the newspaper staff, media club, writer’s group, dance troupe, pre-engineering club, political action committee, ski club, or other popular organization on campus. Find out what students do to connect and seek out your areas of interest. If you attend a ‘minimal-greeks university’, then do what the Romans do and get involved elsewhere. That way you can keep Delta Zeta as your very special sorority with no conflicts. I believe that would be a win-win for you!  xoxo ;)

rush talk: worried about hazing…

Q: I’m getting ready to rush,but the only thing is I’m absolutely terrified of getting hazed. I’ve had people say the sororities don’t haze at all and some say that they circle your fat and make you swallow live goldfish, and I’m just very confused and freaked out. Do you have any advice that would make me feel better about this whole situation? 

A: I don’t know where these rumors come from, but I personally never had ANY experience anywhere near what you describe. I never heard of anything like that going on at my campus, ever. All my greek friends who are currently in sororities have never come close to any weird behavior or scary hazing. And the NPC is 110% against it in every shape and form. So the concept is totally foreign to me and difficult to relate to. 

I’m sure there are some bad apples somewhere in the country. but the urban legends and nasty gossip are just not true. As you can see from my blog, sisterhoods welcome their new “babies” with lots of love, shower them with gifts and then socialize together in really fun ways. Sororities in the 21st century are not about torture and misery! (They never were.) Plus with the close scrutiny from university administrations and the media, there’s no way they would get away with hazing anyway. In these sensitive times, where wearing the wrong hat can land a chapter in hot water, if tales of real hazing got out, all heck would break loose. Sororities cannot afford that kind of risk and lawsuit liability in today’s world. 

If you ever found yourself being taunted about your weight, or asked to swallow live goldfish, you should leave immediately and report the sorority to your Panhellenic Council ASAP. There are strict NPC anti-hazing rules on every campus. The chapter would be dealt with severely. You will find that most everything in the Panhel is geared towards not giving off even a “hint” of hazing ~ from the language used in greek life, to the games played, the slogans used and everything else. There is NO reason to be fearful at all. Whoever is telling you tales is either not in a chapter and/or relying on false information. When you go through rush, use good common sense, look for super nice sisters and avoid any chapters that make you feel uneasy. I think when you actually meet all the greek girls face to face your mind will change completely! xoxo :)

big/little problems: should friends be big/little?

Q: I was hoping you could give me advice about taking my best friend as a little.I don’t know if she is even going to join my sorority yet, but she likes the girls and she got a pref night invite from us. We’ve been roommates since freshman year and we get along really well. I have considered being her big but I’m worried it will change the dynamic of our relationship and will also not give either of us a chance to bond with another girl that could be a good big/little fit. I love her to death and she gets along great with my big and I’d love her as a little but i have concerns about the whole potential situation.

A: It totally depends on the two people involved! Some ‘friend’ big/little pairs wouldn’t have it any other way. Others keep their close friendship separate from the big/little program. It’s similar to not combining friends with business, or not loaning money to friends. Those types of things can ruin a longstanding friendship. But if both girls want to unite as big/little it can be comfortable, loving and lots of fun. Just think about your personalities before taking the leap. If you both are flexible, forgiving and easy going it will help!

If your friend does join your chapter, sit down for a heart-to-heart and share honestly about what you both would prefer. You don’t have to “pass” on your friend, just so she can have another Big. That Big may turn out to be a poor match. If there’s no one super special in the chapter for her, then that’s another advantage for you being her Big. Talk it over, see if there is another strong candidate and agree on what’s best for your relationship. Communication is key in your situation. If both of you are forthright, I think you can come to a positive mutual decision. xoxo ;)

i am going through a colonization at my school in a few days. i have two visible tattoos. one is on my wrist, but i will be covering that with bracelets during the rounds. the other one is on my foot and i will not be able to cover it in a discreet way during the 'pref' round (if i am invited back). both are small and tasteful, but i'm just worried about if there is a stigma about these in sororities. help! (i love your blog!)

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These days more and more sorority members have tattoos. It may not be widespread in every chapter, but I don’t think it’s that unusual. I see many sisters with tattoos in chapter photos from around the country. The acceptance of them shouldn’t be a problem.

You are who you are. There’s no need to hide your personality. In fact if you cover up your tastes, you could end up in the wrong sorority. Better to be yourself and find sisters who accept and love you for your personal uniqueness. Why pretend to be someone you’re not? After you accept a bid, your sisters will see your tattoos. Do you want them to be surprised, because you covered them up during rush? I don’t think that’s being totally genuine.

You can be tastefully dressed and have some small tattoos at the same time. Once recruitment starts, please don’t stress about your appearance or you will seem nervous and self conscious. Focus on all the other parts of rush instead. Let the tattoo worries go. Don’t make it a big deal and it won’t be a problem. If sisters ask you about what they mean, have a nice story to tell about each one. They may be a fun topic of conversation! xoxo :)

I just attended a pre rush event at my school. I really clicked with two chapters, and I feel like they liked me. However, they all seemed to have a certain "look" that I'm not sure I have. My question is how much does a certain "look" affect a sorority's decision to drop or keep a PNM. I don't want to get my hopes up if there's no chance.

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First of all, you can’t “give up” and not even try just because recruitment is challenging! You must keep your hopes up and give rush your all if you want to succeed. If you believe there is “no chance” before you enter into rounds, then what do you think your odds are for getting a bid? A dose of determination is very important for every PNM! 

Secondly, when you meet a chapter, they do appear similar! They dress in matching clothes, style themselves the same way and look “uniform” on purpose. Even during pre-rush events they want to present a unified front. When girls join chapters, they start to have a common greek appearance. And when sisters recruit, they emphasize their close bonds by promoting their sorority style. A lot of that comes from matching outfits and accessories. The chapters want a signature look to define their brand and make them memorable. Every group promotes an appearance that PNMs will remember, be attracted to and want to be a part of. The sororities are trying to entice the best PNMs to their sisterhood. 

As a PNM you have an individual style. You are not expected to look just like the sisters in any chapter. And you don’t need to be a perfectly polished sorority girl before you go greek. If you look closely, you’ll see that not every sister in one chapter is blonde, not all sisters are tall and not all girls have the same ethnicity. Each sorority has a mix of shapes, sizes, hair color, skin tone, weight and personalities. Yes, sororities start to have an overall “spirit” ~ such as the party sisters, or the crafty sisters. But within the generalizations there will be exceptions. There are all looks and all kinds of members within each chapter.

Greek organizations don’t want carbon copies or look-alike drones. Your unique look and personality is what they really want. If you’re a little different than the girls in your favorite chapters ~ good! You will stand out in the crowd. Don’t discourage yourself before you even give rush a try. Every PNM has an equal opportunity to receive a bid. xoxo ;)

"Persistence is what makes the impossible possible, the possible likely, and the likely definite." ~ Robert Half

Hi there! So my recruitment process is next weekend (eeeek!) and I'm getting excited and a little nervous (of course!). I was wondering - since this is for a new colony, I have to go through a membership appt/interview. I found some questions to ask during this, but I was wondering -- are there questions I should expect to *answer*? I just want to be prepared! :) thanks in advance!

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The interviewers will want to know about you personally and what your goals are for being in their colony. They will be interested in what talents you can bring to the sorority, your leadership abilities, past experiences and your vision of where the new colony can go. They will judging how excited you are about the organization, how dedicated you will be and if your heart is really into it. Even though the interview system is different than formal recruitment, you still want to show your bubbly personality and outgoing nature. PNMs with nothing to say won’t make a great impression. 

Even though colonies welcome many PNMs there’s still a screening process. Not everyone gets a bid. Before your appointment, review your own qualifications and know the things you can offer the new chapter. For example, your past leadership positions, organizational experiences, fundraising projects, and/or bookkeeping skills, etc… The sorority will be looking for PNMs with strengths in all the areas of chapter life. If you match your unique talents to what they need to fill their membership roster, you will be in a desirable position.

They may ask questions such as…..

  • Can you work in group?
  • Is teamwork important to you?
  • What is your leadership experience?
  • Have you ever volunteered for charity?
  • What are your most important values? 
  • What talents can you bring to the colony?
  • Can you give us an example of your dedication? 

Having some knowledge about the national organization is helpful too. You can then show how you match the values and mission statement of the sorority. It also impresses the recruiters if you are educated in the character of the sorority, admire what they stand for and “see” yourself as a future sister. Your educated enthusiasm will make a great impression on the interviewers. If you are really “into it” they will feel your energy!

A colony wants PNMs who have these characteristics…..

  • Reliable  
  • Dependable
  • Hard Working
  • Spirited
  • Enthusiastic 
  • Self-Starter
  • Bright
  • Team Player
  • Outgoing 
  • Genuine 
  • Motivator 
  • Leader
  • Role Model 
  • Optimistic
  • Friendly

GOOD LUCK and shine brightly!! xoxo ;) 

✿ sorority sugar 50 last minute sorority recruitment tips! ✿

Q: Recruitment starts tomorrow!! Any last minute advice?!

A: How exciting!! Whether you are a PNM, or a sister, the advice is very similar……………..


  • Breathe. 
  • Sparkle & shine.
  • Be the type of person you want to meet.
  • Don’t compare yourself to others.
  • Reach out from your heart.
  • Keep your eyes on the prize.
  • Talk until your throat hurts.
  • Don’t be afraid to get excited!
  • Smile & laugh
  • Prepare to change your mind. 
  • Give yourself a break.
  • Perfect is boring.
  • Don’t let stubbornness stand in the way of your goals.
  • Accept recruitment surprises.
  • Banish self-consciousness. 
  • Think creatively.
  • Spotlight the positive, downplay the negative.
  • Keep score of your wins, not your losses.
  • Stay sharp every round.
  • Be grateful for the life you have.
  • Sleep as much as you can and eat healthy.
  • Accept fate.
  • Be worthy of your favorite chapter or favorite PNM.
  • Commit to change.
  • Be kind to all around you.
  • Graciously accept compliments.
  • Keeping your expectations reasonable controls disappointment.
  • Don’t be tooooo serious.
  • Allow yourself to enjoy recruitment.
  • Don’t loose hope.
  • What you see in a chapter, or a PNM, depends on how you look at it/her.
  • Be an overcomer.
  • Never quit - just move on.
  • Stop worrying about what other people think.
  • Every round is another chance.
  • Before you talk - think. 
  • Remember that you’re only human.
  • Sometimes you win - sometimes you learn.
  • See the opportunity in every sorority or every PNM
  • You become like the people you spend the most time with, choose carefully.
  • Believe you can and you will. 
  • Take a leap of faith! 
  • Find some humor in recruitment.
  • Believe in yourself.
  • Have a sense of adventure. 
  • Share the magical and beautiful parts of your life/chapter
  • Choose happiness.
  • Note to self: relax!
  • Trust the process. 

Hey again! One question that might be a bit of a curveball: how do I move ahead after not getting a bid, and all my friends did? They're all in the house I wanted. :( And Im trying my best but I feel a little stuck and a lot-tle rejected.

Asked by

I know you are in a tough spot. First, you should accept that you WILL feel terrible for awhile. There’s no getting around it. You need some time and space to heal your wounds. Your ego has taken a beating and it’s Ok to give yourself a mourning period. The unfortunate things that happened during rush are difficult to get over. Give yourself the green light to just be plain sad for awhile. 

After your heart has healed a little…. then you can dust yourself off and look into other activities on campus. The last thing you want is to sit in your room being pitiful, while your friends are busy with greek life. So you must find other avenues of involvement. Join a few clubs, check out other greek organizations, play a sport, start a new hobby, take a part time job ~ anything that will take you to a new place mentally and physically. You need a fresh start, new non-greek friends and something different to occupy your mind. The best way to get over your set-back is to launch a new adventure as soon as you are ready. Your college journey has just begun. You’re just going in a different direction than you thought.

Even though you are starting on a new track, you don’t need to totally turn your back on your sorority friends. You may decide to rush again next year and you will have amazing connections in the house your friends belong to. Don’t “wait” for that day, but if it comes, you will have an advantage. For now, even if you feel rejected inside, you must put on a smile, move forward and not wallow in your unhappiness. Act as if everything is going to be alright and it will come to pass. You have no choice but to carry on. Maintain your dignity, and you never know where you will be this time next year! xoxo ;)

Get up one time more than you’re knocked down.

This past weekend my sorority had open house and philanthropy round this past weekend and we have preference this upcoming Saturday & bid day on Sunday. I talked to this PNM however briefly, and I really liked her. I think she would make a great edition to my chapter BUT I can also see her picking another chapter at my school. I preffed her for preference round so hopefully I get her but since it's my first I would love to know any tips I can try to seal the deal and get her to pick us? Thanks!

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When it comes to the Preference Round it’s more about emotions and less about discussing the facts of figures of greek life. If you can touch the heart of your rush crush, you will be doing the best you can to encourage her to pledge your chapter. These are some areas to cover in your Pref Night conversations…

  • Speak about your personal experience in the sorority and how much it means to your heart. 
  • Emphasize the warmth and emotional benefits that come to PNMs who join your sorority. 
  • Highlight your deeper values which radiate from your creed, motto and principles.
  • Share what makes your chapter unique and different than all others.
  • Ask your PNM what she wants most in a sorority and fulfill her wishes with examples from your chapter. 
  • Make your PNM feel extra special and personally “chosen" for sisterhood. 
  • Answer any lingering questions or concerns your PNM has. Be her trusted friend and confidant.
  • Highlight your chapter (and you) being ~ genuine, sincere, authentic, real, friendly, loving, positive, happy and a safe harbor for PNMs.
  • Focus on your PNM’s needs, wants, feelings, desires, goals and expectations. Then show how your chapter can make her dreams come true. Be the answer to what she’s looking for most.
  • Embrace your PNM with a sense of belonging and acceptance for who she is as an individual. Your chapter loves her for being herself. She doesn’t have to be something she’s not. 

I also have a List of Questions to ask PNMs on Pref Night. You may not need questions, but the topics on the list are also good ideas for conversations too:

• 40 Questions for Sisters to Ask During the Preference Round

hi there! last year when I was a new member my big worked very hard to get me to choose her,she would keep in contact and constantly ask to hang out - but the second she became my big, this all completely stopped. Suddenly she was "so busy" and never had time to even drop me a text, & this has only continued throughout the year. ive mentioned it to her and was only met with empty promises. is it better for me to remove myself from the situation, or simply go on ignoring it without confrontation?

Asked by

I guess your BIg really liked the pursuit and then lost interest once she’d captured her favorite Little. Very discouraging. She may have had good intensions, but no follow through. Now what do you do?

Whenever you are tempted to have a “confrontation” with ANYONE, you must first ask yourself; "What do I want as a result of this confrontation?" It’s not a good idea to blast on ahead and confront someone in an aggressive way, without first considering the consequences. If you face off with your BIg about why she’s been absent all year, are you prepared to hear what she has to say? And what do you want to do about it? She will either fib and say she’s been really busy, tell you you’re not a priority in her life, or admit she’s not crazy about you. Do you want to hear the brutal truth, or more lame excuses? Either way ~ what good will come of it? I know you hope that she will suddenly see the light, apologize profusely and become the attentive Big you always wanted. But I seriously doubt that will happen after a full year. 

So, if you determine through careful thought that a confrontation will gain you nothing and probably make for more tension and hurt feelings ~ you can logically decide it’s not a productive idea. Your heart is not going to be miraculously healed through a heated head-to-head with your Big. If there are no benefits for YOU personally, then I advise against taking such an upsetting action. Confrontations put the other person on the defensive and they never end well.

Your other option of removing yourself isn’t necessary either! You are already “removed” from her life. With little contact, there is not further removal needed. Please don’t make a big stink and officially drop your Big. Just let your disappointment gently fade away…. Accept your Big’s limitations and accept the imperfect reality of your situation. By doing this, you also leave the door open for a possible reunion, should she come around one day. No need to burn bridges.

You can get more chapter satisfaction in other ways! Take a new Little, participate in lots of greek activities and grow as a sister. The big/little relationship is only ONE part of greek life. Leave well enough alone and get going on dozens of other happy things you can do within your sorority. Surround yourself with positive energy and move forward to a brighter day! xoxo ;)

"You can’t have a better tomorrow if you are thinking about yesterday all the time." ~ Charles F. Kettering

What are reasons why a legacy wouldn't get a bid for a sorority

Asked by

The reasons are the same as any PNM. A Legacy is given extra attention and close consideration, but it’s up to the girl and the chapter to make a genuine match. Legacies are not automatic sisters. Frequently the PNM likes another chapter better. Sometimes the sorority just can’t see the Legacy fitting in. Because a PNM’s family member was an XYZ doesn’t mean she has any “spark” with them.

Some of the possible reasons for a Legacy not getting a bid would be ~ no personality match with the sisters, no lifestyle match, low grades, low character, not outgoing or talkative enough, lack of leadership skills, no activities or clubs… and many other criteria that chapters use to evaluate potential pledges. A Legacy has to meet all the same standards that other PNMs do. The legacy status just brings her to the special attention of the chapter, but after that it’s up to her to shine brightly. xoxo ;)

So big/little reveal is coming up in about 2 weeks or so and I found out the other night that the girl that told me that she wanted me as her little since August, wants someone else now. What the heck do I do?

Asked by

First of all it could just be gossip. Or, a sister purposefully misleading you, so you’ll think you’re not going to get the Big of your choice. Or, it could be accurate and your favorite Bid has changed her mind. But beware as big/little week approaches there are lots secrets going around in the chapter. In your case it could be a false rumor, an intentional misdirection, a big mistake, or actually true. Any of those options are completely 100% possible! 

SO…. as a Little, your job is to list your choices for Big sister in order of preference and let it go at that. Once you submit your picks, there is nothing else you can do about it. Please put your favorite sister’s name down as #1 (if you haven’t already done it.) You have nothing to loose by doing so. She may change her mind again, the other Little may want someone else, anything can happen.

There are too many variables in the big/little matchmaking process for you to second guess who’s doing what, and how it’s all going to turn out. Stay on course, pick your best matches, and what happens - happens. Don’t change your mind because of sorority house rumors. Then be happy with whoever is revealed to you on the big day. If it’s your fave Big, that’s terrific, if not, take the time to get close to another wonderful sister. xoxo ;)

I'm looking into joining a sorority at my school, but the one that I really see myself in has been kicked off campus. Is it still worth it to rush? Or should I keep looking in to the orgs that are still on campus?

Asked by

If you could only see yourself in the chapter that was kicked off campus, I wonder what you’re looking for!? I would not wait on one troubled chapter to return. Instead, it would be a great idea to participate in recruitment and find a sorority that’s securely in good standing. You don’t really know how you will ‘click’ with the sisters until you rush. So please don’t discount any of the remaining organizations.

I’m sure there are other fun-loving sisterhoods that you can enjoy just as much as the one with standards problems. It would not pay to wait on them to be reinstated ~ while you become an older PNM. Now is your best chance at going greek. Don’t let a prime opportunity pass you by! xoxo :)